3 out of 4 friends have acted the same way and I find it off putting. My son has taken all the myer Briggs tests at a private facility, high school and college classes as he’s clueless as to what to pursue and I know it’s been weighing on him. He is not quite as bright in my areas of life and he knows his struggles. He has a lot of self doubt . Everything points to a career that’s based on “social” interactions with others. He is compassionate, kind, wears his heart on his sleeve…but isn’t a push over. He just has a long fuse. Cheerful, easygoing. People like him, his peers, other adults…that ready smile and consideration. He is a joy. He seems to be holding his own at college, but it takes a lot if work. He doesn’t want to be a boss. Sometimes he has problems articulating how he feels in a coherent or rather systematic way. I have to say he’s confused me, let’s start at the beginning. I’m safe to be around to ask life questions that his peers just naturally get.
When he was home on break I bought a huge occupational outlook handbook and we sat for several hours reading all sorts of careers for him to consider. He was interested in Occupational therapy, but when he saw it was a 3 year program and all the science classes, it totally intimated him and he stepped back. We then found a recreational therapist. He seemed to feel that was something he would enjoy, he’d like to work in a hospital helping people. I know he felt comfortable with the curriculum and the hours of on hands training to be certified. I think it’s something he could do well.
When I’ve told people, they just look at me and everyone has said you know he could do OT and they make a lot of money. I just answer that’s 3 more years of school and not sure he is up forvthatvat this point in life. The recreational workers do fairly well, too.
I don’t know. I’d never respond like that is I was answered that question. I would say that’s terrific and maybe ask a few more questions. Now I’m worried what people will say when they ask him…make him feel bad about his choice or less than.
People are just trying to be helpful. IMO your (and his) response to the OT suggestion would be better if it’s something more like “maybe he’ll switch, anything can happen, but right now he thinks he would enjoy recreation therapy more. He’ll probably end up being an accountant! Haha”
There is no reason for him to feel less of anything.
For some reason people feel like they need to offer advice instead of offering a positive remark. I get it with any subject that I sound unsure about.
When I am in conversation with other people -I try to remember how it makes me feel when people offer unsolicited advice about my children and not do it to them.
You do the same thing you do when folks ask you about SAT scores, GPA, and how you are going to pay for college.
Do NOT engage in the conversation at all. Change the subject. Say “we will let you know when he decides, nothing more to say about this now”. Repeat…repeat…and then walk away. Really it’s none of their business.
Has he considered being an OT assistant? Not the full OT Masters/Doctorate program?
Or something with nursing - maybe not an RN but gradually working towards that?
It’s his game to play. His homework to do, his years to spend preparing, etc. He is the one who needs to get married to the idea - not others, not even family, right?! No explaining needed!
Just say he considered OT but decided recreational therapist seemed a better fit and maybe he will change later on.
No need to explain about taking science classes etc. People are just trying to be helpful.
Funny, I don’t recall anyone asking me what my son was majoring in.
Which was probably a good thing because he decided to major in French. B-) Career-oriented questioners would have been at a loss, lol.
It sounds as if your questioners are all friends who may know him? I think “assume good intentions” is the way to go. If they mention OT, you can just say there’s plenty of time ahead of him and who knows how things will turn out. OT is a well-known career, RT less so. I think that’s what is happening. They just want the best for him, and gravitate towards something known.
What year is he? It may be too soon to start focusing on what specific job he’ll get. Pulling out handbooks, etc, may just confuse him. The vast majority of jobs involve social interactions of one sort or another.
Are you giving him enough chance to broaden his experiences now? Most kids have no idea what’s out there. Other than a few named professions, most of us didn’t.
Just wanted to say that I was in elementary school I went to various physical, occupational, and speech therapists. They were some of the nicest people I’ve ever met and because of their hard work I can walk, write, and talk. Anyone working in a therapeutic field has the potential to have an incredibly positive impact on how their patients live their lives. You and your son should both be very proud of his chosen career. He sounds like a great person and I’m sure he will be happy and successful wherever he ends up
My new response is “It’s a surprise.” I saw that online somewhere. I use it when asked what D is going to do with her BA in Music when she graduates next year. She will also have a double major in another field and has lots of ideas of very different options she may pursue. It really depends who I am talking to though. One friend ended up suggesting a summer job after I gave her more details, and she got hired and is very excited about it. Sometimes sharing details does lead to helpful advice. But it really depends on my mood how much I will share.
It sounds like he’s pretty comfortable being who he is and that you’re the one worried about “how it looks” to others. Don’t fall into that trap. He’s getting a college education. That will go a long way no matter what he does. Not everyone needs an advanced degree to be successful. Stop trying to “help” him. Let him come to his own decisions. And stop defending him to your friends. You support him. Say something like, “He’s great with people, very compassionate. He’s looking at doing something where that will be an asset.”
I have a brilliant son who only has a CC certificate and military experience. When asked why, I explain that he was always a hands-on kid and he gets to try to break things for a living-and does quite well. My D16 is about to go off to major in education, despite being a stand-out student. When asked the usual “Why would such a smart kid want to teach?” I ask why they wouldn’t WANT kids to have smart teachers.
Never be made to feel as though your kids don’t measure up. They are their own person, on their own path. Not even yours.
Thanks all. Actually I’m very proud of him and think this is a good for him. He’s the one that wanted direction picking a major so he had a iocus with classes his sophomore year. I actually helped him find it. It’s an awesome book! What bothers me is their speechless response staring at me as to say why in the world is he doing that. That is what irks me. No positive response. My one friendo who did respond positively said that the people she knew who did that were such happy people and she thought it was great. I really appreciated that even if she didn’t think so. He could change his mind to anything else and we will support it…just sort of shocked at the looks…I think it sounds like a great job.
Maybe they aren’t really sure or aware of what a rec therapist does - especially in a hospital or rehab setting. I’ll be a lot of people (who aren’t medical career savvy) might confuse a PT with an OT with a RT -
That’s true ^^. But one is a doctor and the other a nurse. Who knows what they are thinking. I should just let let it roll off my back. I just was expecting something different.
There are a lot of people out there who will seemingly criticize your/your kid’s choices. Some are well meaning, and others are not, and in the end, it is none of their business anyway. A person can end up working in a field for many years, decades etc. and it is better to like what you are doing than live up to some idea of what other people think you should do.
If I think someone is not well meaning, and is really attacking in a passive aggressive way, I might have a few choice words to re-educate them. Otherwise, I just try not to take it to heart.
This is a problem “we” have. Success should not be measured by the size of a paycheck or the number of letters behind your name.
My S was valedictorian of his graduating class. He has always had a passion for teaching, education,etc. He went to college and majored in middle school math. He is now teaching in the same school district he graduated from - in one of their very dire, needy inner city schools - the very place he wanted to be - in a very needy, very urban setting. He has not strayed from the path that inspired him - the kids in his high school he saw being often neglected in terms of getting the resources they needed to succeed - so that is what he is working to affect now. He is finishing his second year. His paycheck is small, his reward is great. He intends to go to graduate school for school administration in a couple of years - but he is firm in his idea that he needs to teach for a solid 4-5 years to know a teacher’s life inside and out - to be a good administrator. Have people judged him? Yep. Have I seen people physically “cringe” when I tell them what he’s doing - YEP! You know what? When that happens, I quickly have less respect for them and MORE respect for him.
I agree that most people probably don’t even know what it is. Kudos to him for researching careers that aren’t as well known and finding something that seems like a fit for him.
