so my kid comes in other day and said he was called a terrorist by kid he had known since preschool. This was not the first incident and thankfully the teacher took care of it immediatly. I think the fact he had known the kid for 10 years and was surprised and disapointed. I told him it sucks having to carry all the hate and probably picked it up from home or tv. I wonder how many other desi/ black or brown parents go through it and how they handle this sort of thing? I told him growing up i was called sandn---- and camel jockey, Arab, mexican…etc but it was not at this level in 1990s and 1980s. so I applaud his maturity he had shown through these incidents. do you think this the new normal or it tapers back down after election?
I fear we’re in for several years of this. My Hispanic sons haven’t dealt with any direct prejudice that I’m aware of. Ds1, who is darker, often got mistaken for Indian or Pakistani because, “you know, you’re so smart.” So, that’s a left-handed compliment/not quite an insult, but he was fine with it.
@Youdon’tsay that’s what I fear also. I had been telling him that it went away for me at least in college and in grad school, but i fear this may not be the case for him. We practiced few scenrios at home where i called him names he would be called and how best to respond. I think this preplanning helped him to maintain his composure and walk away.
My kids grew up in pretty progressive schools and area and are at/went to colleges that had lots of like-minded people. They had developed enough self-esteem and strength of character to see that any racism reflects on the other people and not on them by the time they got to college. Ds2 is so ambiguous looking that the most he gets is, “What are you?” He’s gotten everything from Hispanic, Italian, Arab, Indian. I think he enjoys keeping people guessing. 
@Youdon’tsay congrats on doing good job with kids, any suggestion for middle schooler’s parents who don’t live in such progressive environment. His school is 97% white in a southern state, so not many kids that can relate go to his school.
@pakiman2 it’s very sad your son experienced that. And unfortunate as you noted with the election that racists feel safe to spew their hate.
How does this influence the college search for your child?
Truthfully, I’d talk to the administration. The good news is that you can go to them and say that the teacher handled it just right (you don’t want to make an enemy and want to compliment when you can, in case things get worse and you need to go in with a complaint) but that you are concerned that this might be more widespread and that you just wanted them to be aware. I don’t think there’s an “ask” to make as making too big an issue would make your ds more of a target. But just to let them know you’re aware and that you want to make sure that they are aware in case another issue arises. Good luck!
@ClarinetDad16 Thanks for your empathy. I am pretty sure he will score 35-36 and close to 2400 in SATs in few years. several teachers have alerted us of his progress already. He is looking at ivey schools but i am leaning toward in state school so he can commute. Safety is paramount for me, I just hope I can get through to him.
Kids call each other names constantly in middle and high school. He needs to learn to ignore it or it will continue. There are plenty of jerks in the world, and it will be especially difficult for a bright kid because of jealousy. Best thing he can do is succeed and at his 10th year reunion he will be the one laughing. If he is worried martial arts classes help too.
@TooOld4School There’s a big difference between teasing and racism and to equate the two is extremely disrespectful to people of color who fought for centuries to combat racism. Surely their attitude wasn’t to ignore it and get over it.
Calling someone a “terrorist” is a serious issue that should be taken seriously, not because it’s an insult, but because he is been stereotyped because of his ethnicity.
@Youdon’tsay Thanks, I had not thought about going to school and thanking the teacher & administration. I am glad my blind spot is covered. @TooOld4School I agree, Being called names is part of growing up, I just hope in college he doesn’t have to deal with it as much because that would be uncharted territory for me.
Unfortunately, it may be a new normal for a while, since at least one politician has discovered that being openly racist is not a problem among a non-trivial percentage of voters. If such politicians win lots of votes in your area, be concerned.
If he has a top-end GPA to go with those scores, he is likely to have some chance at getting into highly selective colleges with good financial aid, and earning very large (full tuition to full ride) merit scholarships at other schools. If there is a significant racism annoyance or problem in your area, and the local state university that he might commute to attracts mainly local students from communities similar to yours, a similar racism annoyance or problem may exist there, while some of the other schools may not have as much of a racism annoyance or problem.
Racist insults seem to be prone to inciting violence also (though that sometimes is the intent). Seems that some people need to stop displaying their dunce caps, put their white sheets back on their beds, and get rid of their brown shirts.
You could also bring it up with the Parent Teacher Association at your school. Mobilizing the silent majority of people who would be outraged by this behavior will help everyone.
@pakiman2, Apart from the occasional incoherent drunken rant this sort of incident is rare, especially at the colleges your son is likely to be attending. Was he born here? If so he’s American - end of story. I don’t think this has much do do with the election either, but who knows what inspires people.
@CaliCash, part of the problem is that many people mistake moronic behavior for racism. Some people see racism everywhere because they see everything through a racist lens, and incessant racist talk serves a particular political end. I don’t think an occasional epithet by a high school jerk is much to be concerned about unless it gets really out of control and disruptive.
It is may not always be true that the silent majority is anti-racist. If most voters in an area voted for an openly racist politician, then that may be a hint about the silent majority there.
I would not raise it with the PTA. Just my opinion. Don’t make it a big deal publicly. That’s why I said play nice now with the administration so they’ll have a good opinion of you should things escalate.
TooOld, I disagree that this is rare. And being a moron and being racist are not mutually exclusive. In fact, I think the intersection on a Venn diagram would be pretty large.
@TooOld4School You can be a racist moron. I can’t believe someone is condoning racism on a public forum. A sign of the times…
I believe that racism affects kids more than parents know, and racism affects all parties in negative ways.
Two years after it happened, I found out a couple of boys, friends, spoke Chinglish regularly to my 8th grader. It upset her because it marked her as not belonging. When I found out, I thought about naming it, and I knew one of the boy’s mother, but my daughter did not want to hurt her or to revisit the issue. Of course, the secret is not good for my relationship with the mother. In retrospect, I think the racist teasing was, in part, an awkward way of flirting (the exotic other?) because one of the boys was her date for the senior prom. I thought the event laid to rest after that. However, he was bothered by his bad action, and in college, from the other side of the country, he sent her emails that he had learned about microaggression, white privilege, etc. He was so ashamed of his middle school behavior. 6 years later he apologized. I wonder if he still has guilt.
Even if one could possibly imagine racism as teasing, pure and simple, though it never really is, all parties involved are affected. None for the better. The racist may get an ego boost, but it doesn’t take care of his deeper problems, and it puts him outside of workplace, if not social, norms. I do hope schools can be active in protecting all students.
No one condoned racism. What a hateful thing to say.
I think the best protection is to be aware of what’s possible, what some people can say and do. Prepare, have strategies in place about how to handle situations. Try not to get angry … not in the moment. Vent later if necessary … with friends who support you. And remember … not everyone is like that one … the one who called you a terrorist. There is also this one … who wants us all to live in peace and knows there’s more than enough for everyone.