How to discipline a bunch of kids

citygirlsmom · November 16, 2006, 2:40pm

somethings that we need to know about is what kinds of things are there for the kids to do

if kids are bored, this kind of behavior is more common

while you are working on the discipline side, can you do some art work, a service project, some simple exercises, things that are new and different

the holidays are coming up, and making holiday cards for people in nursing homes, veterans homes, etc can be fun, so long as its not like a school project where everyhint has to be perfect

I would collect old holiday cards, get some costruction paper, glue glitter and and make some samples up and let the kids have at it

once I brought in blown up ballons and went outside and did “volleyball”, it was a blast

so, think about what new things you can bring in- bored kids will act out

this is along side the issues of discipline, clear boundaries, rules, etc

_tisthetruth · November 16, 2006, 9:42pm

Thanks for the suggestions.

I learned that Tuesday was simply an anomaly, because the kids had a half-day at school and so the director decided to make the program unstructured. Normally, the kids have playtime from 3-4 and extracurricular classes from 4-6, but only a few kids showed up and none of the instructors did (the program for that day was optional). The girls who fought the other day are fine now (they’re still not on speaking terms, but at least they’re not fighting).

Yesterday was much better. I supervised a taekwando class because the instructor was absent. I don’t know taekwando, so I improvised with some stretching exercises. I then asked the most advanced kid (10 years old) in the group to go through the routine. The kids followed instructions at first, but one of the kids started to act out and distracted the other students in the process. The 10-year-old became frustrated, stopped teaching, and gave everyone a warning (I gave him power over this); the kid who acted out got two warnings and a time-out. Surprisingly, the strategy worked. He then gave what seemed like a 20-minute lecture (probably something similar to what the regular instructor did when she became frustrated) and the kids paid attention for the most part. I then talked to them about how the other class (visible from where they were sitting) was having so much fun because they paid attention the whole time. I think they got the message by this point, but the 10-year-old was still dissatisfied and told the class to sit there for 5 minutes with their eyes closed (he was really enjoyed the power I bestowed on him). The class giggled some, and I tolerated that, because I thought it was a normal reaction when it gets too quiet, but the 10-year-old was strict and extended the time-out. The one kid who was the first to receive a time-out was still acting out. I tried talking to him, but I don’t think he understood me. I didn’t let him join the group (was that the right thing to do?). When all the rest were well-behaved, the 10-year-old told everyone to do jumping jacks (they had fun doing this) going faster and faster each round, jokingly threatening anyone who stopped with a strike.

Today, I met some kids I’d never met before (some of them attend the program just once a week). I realized that I’ve really bonded with three of the kids in particular—a first grader (the kid I talked to when the boys kicked him out of wrestling on Monday), one of the girls who got into a fight (she’s really intelligent and inquisitive), and another kid who’s very insistent that I give her a piggy back ride every 5 minutes. Actually, the kids there would just jump at the adults when they’re sitting on the floor or standing near a table. I was made a victim of this several times. To be honest, I truly believe that these kids are good kids. I might’ve given the impression that they cuss all the time, but they don’t really (only when they’re involved in a fight). On my first day, I was quick to dismiss the boys playing wrestling as unruly, but they’re actually cool kids. And the girls who were fighting are actually nice… they even say Hi to me first. I guess I’m used to what I hear and see because I attended a middle school populated by such kids (inner-city kids).

Also today, I helped out the writing program instructor. He gave out slips of paper, each with the name of a random fictional character. The students were separated into groups and told to create a story out of the characters represented in their group. Well, I worked with this group which had the same unruly kid from taekwando the other day. He still wasn’t willing to cooperate with the group, so I worked with him for a while. The instructor told me that the kid loved soccer, so I drew a soccer ball and the word “soccer” in bubble letters. He liked what I did and drew a goal post. He kept writing “soccer,” “Chicago,” “Africa,” “run,” and “mother” over and over. When I diverted my attention to the other kids in the group just for a moment to see what they were doing, the kid noticed and got upset. He wanted nothing to do with me after that, despite my persistence. I need help on how to gain back his trust.

I then switched to the yoga group after the break. This was when I decided to experiment with some of the techniques mentioned on this thread (after the yoga part was over). Distraction was very effective. When the kids were in the corner kicking (not malevolently), I brought out a coloring book and markers. That really got their attention. From time to time, they would fool around, but I would say something like “you know, it’s hard to color and kick stuff at the same time just like it’s hard to scratch your head and rub your belly at the same time.” And that would at least get them to settle down as they try to do the latter. Or when they just wouldn’t settle down, I would tell them to create a human sculpture, where one kid would strike a pose, the other kid would add to the pose, and so forth. Needless to say, it takes a lot of energy to take care of kids.

It’s quite humorous to observe the instructors saying the stuff we learned from the non-violent communication seminar the other day, because what they say always sounds so insincere and cheesy. Today, a bunch of kids were horsing around like always, and one instructor said something like “I feel hurt when you guys do this.” While I get the premise of trusting the kid to be compassionate towards the adult (by having the adult say something like “I feel ____ when you do this”), I think this strategy works better with children who are a bit more mature. The process we were taught goes something like this: mentally evaluate what happened in a non-judgmental way, turn any judgmental mental notes into non-judgmental ones, and tell the kids “I feel so and so and when you do this” instead of “Stop that now!” I don’t know if it’s good or bad to make the child feel guilty, but that’s what we were taught.

Btw, I’ve gotten better at not smiling when the kids need to see a serious face, but it’s hard sometimes because the kids are too cute.

_tisthetruth · November 16, 2006, 10:41pm

“One thing I haven’t read yet is that I have found there is usually a kid who is the instigator”

The instigator in this case was the girl who turned the lights on when the other girls were watching the movie. However, my gut feeling is that the girls watching the movie are actually the instigators of the deep-rooted rivalry which triggered this particular incident.

_tisthetruth · December 18, 2006, 4:19am

So, remember the stubbon first-grader? I finally earned back his trust (Sausalito cookies worked :)). Anyway, he wrote this problem:

Hiding at the Store

I was hiding at the store
I was thinking
Was this a good spot?
It probably is
Or it probably is not

I felt safe at the store
I could hide anywhere
So I hid in the office
Of the store.

I started hiding at the office
In his closet.
Sitting.
Very, very scared?

What the instructor and I find perplexing is his insistence on putting the question mark at the end. What do you folks make of this poem?

_tisthetruth · December 18, 2006, 4:43am

I meant to say poem.

cheers · December 18, 2006, 9:54am

I think you should show it to a trained school counselor at his school. My aunt has been a school counselor in a lower decile urban school for thirty years. What some of those kids have seen would make your stomach churn.

mathmom · December 18, 2006, 10:17am

This strategy works fine with younger kids, if you use more honest words. “Hurt”? How about mad, infuriated, disappointed?

As to the poem, it’s troubling. It sounds like there’s abuse in his life. I second the motion to tell a counselor or other adult.

_tisthetruth · March 3, 2007, 5:33am

I’m very disappointed with the UN Court ruling on the Bosnia massacre. Many of the kids I work with have relatives who were victims, but unfortunately (or fortunately?), the kids don’t really understand what’s going on and why the Bosnian-Muslims and Serbs hate each other (pretty much). My co-worker, who was a put in a concetration camp when she was seven, tried talking to the kids about the recent developments to get them to appreciate their heritage more, but I’m left with no words to say (I’m not Bosnian nor could empathize with the experience in general).
How to deal with kids whose families are experiencing an emotional crisis?

_tisthetruth · March 15, 2007, 6:32pm

The NYTimes is doing an article in which my co-worker will be featured. How cool is that?!

Corrections to errors that I mindlessly made in post 28:
who was* put in a concentration* camp

suppasonic · March 15, 2007, 9:49pm

Cite statistics. Or make them up or something. About how kids who fight young will fail at life.

momof1 · March 16, 2007, 1:28am

To the OP:

I teach a second/third grade multiage class, and recently taught first grade. We have consistently taught our students to use conflict resolution and have been very successful with primary-aged students.

The power of the “I messages” is in training the kids to do them. Our school has been doing this for the last decade, and we have seen very positive results. One of the most effective teaching tools for this age group is to use the visual of an elevator. First define conflict, and make sure that everyone knows what an elevator is. Tell them that the elevator you’ll talk about today is called the conflict elevator. They have the power to push the buttons and make it go up or down. Then demonstrate a simple scenario, such as a fight over a swing at recess. Kids are waiting in line for a swing, then someone comes in and just cuts in front and gets on the swing. That makes the conflict elevator go up to the first floor. Then the next person in line gets mad and starts telling the interloper that it is his turn. Second floor. Then the interloper starts yelling back, third floor. Then sides are picked, groups start arguing, etc. and the kids will take it way on out. :)

Then, you talk about what made the elevator go up. Cutting in line, frustration, yelling, not listening, taking sides. Now you can talk about how to keep it from going up, and how to make it go down. Model some good strategies, like using an I-message to talk to the person you are mad at. “I feel mad when I wait in line and you cut. I would like you to wait in line for your turn.” And the interloper explaining the misunderstanding “I didn’t know you were standing in line. I’m sorry. I’ll go stand in line.” Seriously, the kids really take this to heart. They will start calling out things they could say to keep the conflict elevator from going up. What is really powerful is when there is a conflict in class and they use I-messages with each other or someone says “Oh! You’re making the conflict elevator go up.”

I thought it was cheesy at first, too. After using it, though, I can see that it really gives the power to the children and makes them accountable for their own actions when they are picking on others. They are called to task for it by their peers. It also helps those who are perenially complaining or tattling to adults to take some control and they, then, are less likely to be victimized.

As for actions you can take, it is so powerful (as many others have said) to catch them being good. We have even printed up little tickets that say “Caught being good” that they can take home and also use to buy some little oriental trading goodies at the end of the day. Another helpful practice is just to look around at the chaos and in a normal voice say “I like the way____ is doing _____.” Someone else will look at them and copy, they you add their name. It sounds really sort of manipulative, but what you are doing is giving a specific behavior that they can see and emulate. This is especially helpful in your role as “big brother” since little ones generally really want to please the cool big kid.

Oh, and tell the little one that wants your attention that you will spend a prescribed period of time (2 minutes, for example) but you will have to go and pay attention to the others when the time is up. Engage the kiddo in setting a timer or looking at the clock and planning where the hands will be. If he refuses this and insists that you spend time with him exclusively, then reiterate the rules and tell him he can pick what 2 minutes you spend, but that it will be 2 minutes. I suspect the pouting is an attempt at manipulation and if you give in the others will a) resent it and b) attempt the same. Also, during the 2 minutes try to engage or get him to engage other kids so that the focus is shifted from you.

This is probably way more information than you wanted or needed, but you have gotten some very good advice from many people here. I am glad that you see how much energy it takes to keep ahead of the kiddos! Keep up the great work!

How to discipline a bunch of kids

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