How to Expand on A Personal SAT Hook-> Intro and Beyond

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<h2>Here is my first paragraph to the prompt ‘is happiness beyond our control’</h2>

<h2>I can never forget that bulbous smile of his and that sensation of cheer that so permeated through the impressionable countenance of the classroom. Despite his family troubles, he had the audacity to hope and the courage to smile. We all have the power to bear optimism, and an autonomy over the soul’s happiness, whatever threatens to restrain us, and <hide name=“” for=“” privacy=“”> proved it.</hide></h2>

<p>IS this intro 12/12 class? Where can I improve it, especially the <> proved it part? Also, how can I make my thesis more evident and yet keep this flow structure? Also, is this wise to start off with a hook like that. I would normally go on to describe her predicaments, what he did to stand up and how he was able to control his own happiness. Should I add something else to this? Also, should I use a last name or this just not safe…after all, this is a real person, a friend of mine for the past few years.</p>

2

<p>Honestly, it seems pretty mechanical to me. Most 12 essays don’t have that rigid, formulaic feel to them.</p>

<p>You have to answer the prompt clearly and efficiently. Try not to stray off-topic right off the bat! That’s a bad idea. Be clear and be simple, with a few complex insights here and there. You have to understand that the essay grader(s) are grading a lot of essays and don’t have the patience or the integrity to read through tons of sophisticated vocabulary which don’t happen to answer the prompt.</p>

<p>Here is my 12 essay from the October 2007 SAT, I barely used anything complicated and got a 12:</p>

<p>Essay prompt:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment:
A person does not simply “receive” his or her identity. Identity is much more than the name or features one is born with. True identity is something people must create for themselves by making choices that are significant and that require a courageous commitment in the face of challenges. Identity means having ideas and values that one lives by. Adapted from Thomas Merton, Contemplation in a World of Action </p>

<p>Assignment: Is identity something people are born with or given, or is it something people create for themselves? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<pre><code>The ancient Greek quote “Know thyself” is a powerful yet subtle expression. It gives meaning to the individual through its mysteriously short length. However, the quote “Know thyself” is in fact a very valuable quote about the identity of an individual. Identity in the modern world is relatively materialistic; an ambiguous and varying form of personal interests. Perhaps it is due to the environment that people are brought up in, but through our right of free will, it becomes clear that we as individuals, decide our own identities.

Just as a poet carves his expressions by deciding when and where his lines begin and end—that which is different from a prose writer who simply writes until there is no more available space—humans “carve out” their identity. It is a tedious and meticulous process; one that involves years of experiences and learning. For example, as a High School freshman, it was not apparent to me what my great passion in life was. As my career in High School continued, I learned, through both negative and positive experiences, that my passion was writing.

Writing allowed me to navigate into the deepest crevices of my soul, giving me the opportunity to pull out the anchor that only held me back from discovering what my identity was. I was not told or given a lecture on my passion, interests, or personal conflicts—I had to discover these attributes exclusively as an individual searching for his identity. Even through experiences involving love-hate relationships, social intolerance, and heated arguments between family and friends, it was NOT the environment that “gave” me MY identity, telling me to “receive” it. This world is not a communist dictatorship, we as individuals must seek, learn, and explore ourselves to appreciate and gradually build up our identity.

Just as Math is a cumulative and gradual process—one that involves learning the basics in order to build a foundation for more sophisticated mathematics in the future—creating our own identity is the same. Many defend the perspective of parents being a major influence on their children; while this is true, to what extent does this remain true? Are abusive parents who neglect their children the only two individuals who just hand an identity to their offspring? I must disagree, as I have been in this scenario myself and have chosen to deny an identity of a depressed, internally torn, and mentally unstable teenager. I understood that there was always more to my identity, which I had gracefully discovered after I sought what it truly was. It was in my power to do so, and it remains within every other person’s power as well—which is why we as humans must seek and create our identity—not just blandly “receive” it.
</code></pre>

3

<p>This may be a very stupid question…but can you use your semicolons like this: “It is a tedious and meticulous process; one that involves years of experiences and learning”</p>

<p>I never knew you could do this.</p>

4

<p>those two are related sentences, so yeah, I guess you could use it like that.
Personally, I’d have used a dash instead of a semi-colon</p>

5

<p>Yes, you can use a semicolon in that sentence. However, even if you make grammatical mistakes (I managed to find one or two in my essay), it doesn’t hurt you significantly. The essay graders know that you have 25 minutes and your essay won’t be a final draft with zero errors.</p>

6

<p>OMG, that’s such a long essay. How do you fit it into the two pages?</p>

7

<p>I used up every last space. I seriously couldn’t even fit a period anymore because there was no more space. Surprisingly, even with a tight-fit, I managed to get everything inside lol.</p>

8

<p>not quite, try again! ^^ It’s a bit mechanical, I think</p>

9

<p>did u really capitalize the NOT in the actual one?</p>

10

<p>Did you run that through a thesaurus?</p>

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</hide></p>

<p>I liked the second sentence very much (it flows very nicely :)), but the first one…</p>

<p>Writing is the art of communication, not a contest to see how many big words you can string together in a sentence. Too many and it takes away from your point.</p>

11

<p>tooo many biggg words</p>

12

<p>You can have a ‘bulbous nose’ but what’s a ‘bulbous smile’? This is why I don’t think people should insert random big words into SAT essays when they don’t know what they mean. They often end up misusing words in funny, but costly ways…</p>