Kid is only in 8th grade and does very well in school. But doesn’t work that hard and spends most free time on Minecraft on the computer and on his iPhone. I don’t want to nag and also realize he’s not in high school yet. How do I encourage other interests without him resenting me? Concerned about wasting so much time next year in high school.
We have the cable modem shut down every night at 9:30. We’re full-luddite until the next day when it turns back on at 6 am. That’s when they have to give us their phones to charge downstairs, turned off, as well.
Although Minecraft is a pretty cool thing to waste your time on :).
Oh, and get ready for your kid to resent you for the next 5 years or so. That’s unavoidable parenting. If he isn’t mad at you, you’re doin’ it wrong.
@MorherofDragons That’s horrible. Provided your children are not in elementary school, you should not infantilizing them.
OP, he will fall into the right places and find things that interest him. Perhaps his love for Minecraft and technology will lead him into STEM and coding. There’s no good reason to stop him from doing what he likes simply because you don’t see why he likes it so much. 8th grade is also really early to start your concerns about this especially seeing that he is in his first semester. Let him mack.
He will develop his own interests. That’s why they are his interests and not yours.
Before the Calvary comes, I am a freshman in college with no children. But, I can better identify with how child than the adults who grew up in the 70s can.
8th grader with an iPhone? I’m a dinosaur. Our 9th grader has to ask to use the computer or Wii and time is controlled. He’ll get a phone when he’s a senior before he heads off to college. We’ll see if they still make dumb flip phones then.
Prehistoric. Technology is an integral part of life in the 21st century. I don’t see why parents would be proud to say that are not exposing their child to realities of everyday life…
I really like this idea @MotherOfDragons
Sad to say that I would miss my Ipad at night though.
@CaliCash what’s so horrible about a family spending time together that doesn’t involve a screen after 9:30 pm?
Ooooh, I see. You’re a freshman guy in college. I get it. lol.
@Booajo for the first week or so my husband and I were twitching over the loss of Netflix in the evening. The fact that it bothered us SO much to go electronically dark was in itself a wake-up call.
Facetime for us actually involves time with faces, now.
@MotherofDragons Nothing wrong with it. FWIW, I’m actually a girl. I just think that shutting off the internet in the house is excessive. And if you have to turn off the internet and confiscate devices to have family time, “you’re doin’ it wrong.”
Same thing here – our modem shut down at 9, the phones ours did have (which they only got once they were driving) had a data limit that once reached, they shut off. You can also pay to have the phone cut off at a time of day as well! Very handy!
You are the parent, and don’t have to have a better reason than "In my judgement, you spend too much time on this, and not enough on the rest of having a life.We’ll try this for a month, we’ll then talk about this again. " When he howls and complains, you can simply observe that for someone who doesn’t “need” the items, he certainly is exhibiting withdrawal pangs. Or, he can pay for the entire phone, on his own.
This is sad. Think about all of the kids who come on CC after working all day, doing ECs, and doing their homework in the evening. 9:00 and 9:30 are really early for students of the 21st century.
Use his interest in Minecraft to find other ECs. Try USACO if he likes programming - they have training pages for people who want to learn. There’s also FIRST robotics if his school has a team; they also need programmers. There are probably tons of other activities; those are just the ones I know.
I have found modeling works best - and I am a terrible role model. Have family game night if you want at least one night off electronics. Have him work at the dining table if he has a laptop computer. That said, this is most effective if you also do some type of work at the dining table as well (bring your laptop!).
Nope, there’s nothing wrong with turning off computers at a certain hour. Just like we expect the TV to go off before too late.
OP, as long as your kiddo is getting good grades, I wouldn’t worry too much. Now, if he seems socially isolated in high school or the grades start to slip, that’s when you can start thinking about limitations. It could be encouraging him to join a few activities at school (which he should be able to do in addition to playing games anyway), or having to be strict, re: screen time if it’s at the expense of school work. But otherwise, I’d let it be. Some of us are just homebody introverts who LOVE techy things–when I was a teenager, it was watching 6-8 hours of TV a day and spending every moment I could getting on my mom’s laptop engaging in Buffy the Vampire Slayer fandom (I built websites! #nerd). I also did some clubs at school, and I maintained a 4.0 average… I was fine! Now I work in television, write novels (I love TV b/c I love stories) and organize Harry Potter fan conventions as a primary hobby–sometimes our “introverted” or seemingly socially isolated interests (video games, etc.) end up leading us down specific career paths.
IMO, it’s all about the quality of the things we engage in–Minecraft is a strategy/creativity game that is developing some pretty key skills–rather than the genre of it. There were plenty of adults who were AGHAST that I watched that much TV. But I wasn’t watching Jerry Springer, but complex, thoughtful shows that developed me as a person and challenged me intellectually (I love documentaries & historical drama). Of all the video games to play, Minecraft is a pretty good one! The best video games help develop strategy and analytical skills.
@CaliCash, you’re welcome to your opinion. So far evidence would suggest that this is a good thing for us getting better quality sleep, and connecting more often as a family of overworked high-achieving (in our own minds) peeps.
PS: aren’t there better things for a college freshman to do than surf the parent board?
Go outside and run around ;).
Do your homework.
Make a friend IRL.
Eat more vegetables.
How about encouraging him to play a sport, learn a musical instrument, join a club or volunteer?
If he’s motivated towards college, you can encourage him by reminding him that colleges want students that are passionate and involved with something.
If he needs more than encouragement, then just simply play the parent card. Tell him, that he needs to do something else and he should pick something he will enjoy (or you’ll pick something for him!). Of course, it may take a few false starts to find that “something” he is passionate about and enjoys.
BTW, nothing wrong with simply limiting his allowable time on the computer. You are the parent after all.
Last I checked, such things come win an on-off switch. 
fwiw: i turn off the 'net when I go to bed, to save a little electricity and to ensure it can’t be hacked while i sleep.
Seriously? An 18 year old girl is giving parenting instruction? CaliCash,come back when you have 20 years of parenting experience under your belt and maybe you can judge then.
By the way, Calvary was the site where Jesus was crucified. Perhaps you meant “cavalry”.
I also have an 8th grade boy who would probably play Minecraft every waking hour of the day, if he had his choice. He is an almost straight-A student, plays two sports in school and one outside of school, and is in band. I’d prefer it if he wasn’t on the computer as much as he is, but considering how active he is in other parts of his life, and that he can talk to peers and adults in real life, I think I won’t worry too much about it.
Agree parents do have a right to limit electronics use for K-8/12 to ensure they have a more well-rounded life.
However, better to guide him gently in helping him find another activity and buy-in from him to limit electronics use as being too harsh/severe in restrictions or worse…a complete ban could be just as counterproductive as having no restrictions*.
- Knew of college undergrads from extremely strict homes regarding electronics/TV and other things who excessively indulged in those restricted/proscribed things/activities in college once they were away from close eyes of parents to the detriment of academics, jobs, etc.
Shows multiple packets/giant bottle of ketchup
Hey…the President said it was a vegetable!*
- Smart alecky comment common among elementary/junior high kids who grew up in the '80s to parents who nagged us to eat our vegetables.