I know several kids who turned down Andover or PEA for Lawrenceville. This is not at all uncommon.
Don’t be a prestige glutton. It won’t serve you well in boarding school.
you want to get over the bitterness? Go volunteer at a homeless shelter. Serve food at a soup kitchen. Get a job at McDonald’s. Being bitter over which top 10 boarding school you were accepted to is the very height of elitism. #greenwichworldproblems
I have to address this before the moderators shut this thread down because OP already got her answer. That is, this notion that somehow the ADCOMS at Andover decided this student wasn’t a good fit.
Hello, there are way many more qualified applicants than can be admitted to any of these elite schools. Although it could be that the student wasn’t a good fit, its more likely that there just isn’t room for all qualified candidates, and like elite colleges, these schools are putting together a class/community of onesies and twosies of each kind.
When my daughter’s college counselor called Amherst College to inquire why her top student didn’t get admitted, the ADCOM answered “We already have one of those.” like she was a zebra in a zoo. My daughter was a good fit, but the college is so small, they can only take so many well qualified students who did track and wanted to major in Econ.
Let’s not jump the gun, and propagate some myth that the ADCOMS are all wise and knowing and if a kid is rejected, the reason is because the ADCOM decided the student wasn’t a good fit for some reason the student cannot help. They may be a great fit, but the dearth of spots won’t allow another musical genius, math whiz, up and coming Oscar award winning thespian and the like, they would want had they more room.
We’re talking to a 13 or 14 year old child here, folks. It’s his/her first big disappointment. (OK, the pronouns are driving me nuts. I’m assuming female.)
She didn’t post a litany of reasons why she’s a stronger candidate. She didn’t put down the others who got in.
she didn’t say that he deserved this more than anyone else, or that she’s so special that she is owed a spot.
She’s disappointed and upset and asked for advice on getting over it. I have a lot of respect for the way the original post was phrased, and for the subsequent realization that attitude will make a difference, as well as the determination to be positive about her school.
I’m not sure that we to give reasons why we as adults would have handled it better, call her names, or to mock her for her disappointment. She’s a 13 year old. We, in theory, are not.
In regard to #22, I think gibby in a Yale thread mentioned a similar thing, something to the effect of “if you are the 12th violinist that comes across the ADCOMS desk and they have already admitted 11,” they are likely not going to admit you too.
But I think the point, or at least mine, wasn’t a response to why she didn’t get into one school but that L’villa saw her as someone who would thrive at L’ville. So she just has to go do it! And I admire her for identifying what she was feeling and seeking out help in processing it. That takes courage and maturity. (Especially for a 14 year old, but yes, even for a 60 year old!)
@gardenstategal Agree I think the tough love and sarcasm can work, but only if you know the kid well.
I’ve absolutely called my son on it when I think he needs to get over it already, BUT I know he has a bit of an
edge himself. He responds well most of the ime to being told he’s having a first world problem. Like, "doh, sorry Mom, I’ma turd. "And we’ve been through a lot, so he has a context for the “privilege check” other young teens may lack. From experience though, even kids who have beem through stuff that would make adults stumble, still can lack appreciation for what they have, and still “act bratty” over seemingly ridiculous slights. Possibly even more so for competitive kids, which I’m going to assime most posting here are. Example: I’ve had to talk down DS, hours or days later, for flogging himself for placing second in swimming event. Or for being irate that our internet is slow, or he’s the only kid without an iPhone. It doesn’t matter in the moment that he knows what it’s like to be homeless, or have a parent die, or _______. They’re still kids, and act like it at times.
Does this forum limit characters per post?
The end of my novel is I too think it tpok courage for this girl to seek feedback. Hopefully, she’s processed this in a way she can use the next time a major let down rolls around.
Also, we do not know if ADULTS in her life are contributing to pressure, and showing disappointment over her not being accepted into all 3.
“Go volunteer at a homeless shelter. Serve food at a soup kitchen.”
I agree with this. Anyone who is bitter about which elite boarding school they go to needs to see the real world. I realize that OP is too young to know better, but probably not too young for it to be time to get some experience with people who would be thrilled to have a roof over their heads, books to read, and a school where the other students pay attention in class.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
The OP has indicated that she is satisfied with the responses given, so no need to belabor. Closing thread.