Hey everyone, so I’m new to College Confidential and want to talk about something that’s been bugging me for months. Next year, I’m attending The Lawrenceville School as a freshman. I applied to three schools: PA/PEA and Lawrenceville. I desperately wanted to go to Andover, and I’m crushed that I didn’t get in.
I realize school is starting in three weeks, and I’m just so bitter and disappointed that I didn’t get into Andover. Seeing all these notable alumni from PA/PEA and none from Lawrenceville really crushes me. The fact that the schools have three times of Lawrenceville’s endowment makes me full of resentment. I realize I’m still going to get a world-class education at Lawrenceville, but how do I get over this feeling? Andover was my dream, and I hate that I didn’t get in. I don’t see how I can be happy going to L’ville when I personally felt that Andover would’ve been such a better fit.
I really hope this doesn’t come off as bratty or anything. I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to be attending Lawrenceville this fall. I hate myself for not being as happy as some of my fellow Class of 2021 seem to be at having this amazing opportunity. I guess I just wish L’ville had more recognition.
I think you are far to young to be bitter about anything. In my eyes you are just starting your life and starting it out as a bitter person is only going to turn you into an unbecoming adult. Not to mention that bitterness will keep you from being the most successful person you want to be in both your personal and professional life.
Whatever your feelings (bitterness, happiness, outlook, energy etc.), at any point in your life, are your choice. Choice. Think about that word - choice. You have the ability to choose how you feel. If you don’t want to be bitter, choose to be happy, grateful, positive, excited, energetic and engaged. The sooner you learn and practice this in your life, the more successful you will be.
My son applied and did not get into PEA. We made sure he understood at the time that although we think he has done amazing things, the odds were against him getting in and it was unlikely. He was disappointed but moved on pretty quickly.
Perhaps you had the wrong expectations? I am sure you will be very happy at Lville and if this is the biggest disappointment you ever face in life, you will be very lucky indeed.
If you choose to arrive at L’ville wearing your bitterness, then you will fulfill your own prophecy and will not be happy.
At best, you will seek out other bitter folks disappointed to be there, and surround yourself with negative people. At worst, you will avoid the happy and content folks and end up isolating yourself.
Do you have the opportunity to talk with a therapist? Venting your feelings to a professional could be very healthy.
Happiness is a choice. You are not being thrown into a prison for four years. You are hoping to get an education that can qualify you for a job. You will want letters of recommendation from your professors, so it is important to participate in class.
How you shine in college is up to you. Think about giving 100 percent when you walk on campus. Try it for three weeks, and see if meeting people, joining clubs and sitting with strangers in the dining hall can brighten your mood.
“I really hope this doesn’t come off as bratty or anything.”
Well, it does. At least to this parent’s ears. There are people who would give their right arm for the opportunity you have in front of you. Yet you seem consumed by “what might have been”. As people upstream have already stated, this is not going to serve you well going forward.
“I guess I just wish L’ville had more recognition.”
This is an example of how off-base I think many people are when it comes to boarding schools — that only PEA/PA are “prominent”. IMO, it’s not a very well-informed POV…exposing what amounts to a pop culture-level appreciation of the boarding school landscape.
And what do you care about a given school’s endowment? If you needed FA, apparently Lawrenceville has been able to meet your need. So why does it matter? Were you planning on dropping that stat at a future cocktail party?
I’m sorry that I can’t be more sympathetic to your “plight”. But I’d say the same things to my own children, if they had the same complaints.
Aside from prestige and recognition, what are your reasons for seeking a BS experience?
Your personal reasons, not those of anyone around you. It’s natural to feel disappointed when first choices in life do not pan out. It can be easy as a middle-aged adult to just tell you to “get over it”, but if life has pretty much always gone in your way, you lack a context for that advice. Do you have any prior experience of failure? Even if it’s silly or small in comparison. How did you cope? What resources do you have for moving beyond things that will inevitably not go your way once the school year begins? Close friends, a sport of hobby you excel at, a way to burn off energy and refocus.
I’m not a former BS student, but as a parent just beginning the research process, I know you applied to 3 highly competitive schools, where more people are rejected than accepted. You obviously have a lot to offer Lawrenceville. They saw something in you, and knew you would add to their community. Run with that.
I understand your feelings, I’ve been there. And yes, you are entitled to your feelings whatever they may be. I think its healthy to acknowledge them, and not try to stuff them, because if you did that your anger and resentment would come out another way.
One thing that might help is to understand that life is a series of opportunities. You and your parents do your best to create some (by working hard, etc.) But in the end, if life doesn’t give you the opps you want, you have to make good on the ones you have before you. That’s your opportunity now. It’s possible, that it may even work out better than had you gone to A/E. You have to believe that and carry on.
In the end, look for your opportunities, try to make use of the ones given to you at their fullest. You still have been given a great opportunity. Try to take it by the horns, and give it your best. Now, don’t look back.
I can understand your disappointment, though the world of Prep school is a million miles from my own life. You wanted something- a particular school-- hoped and thought you would get in, and are incredibly disappointed that you didn’t. It’s no different, no more “bratty” that the thousands of high school seniors who face the same thing when college acceptances and rejections come out.
I’m so sorry I can’t offer any sort of magic bullet that will make this better. All I can offer is the prospective of a mom and a teacher.
You have two choices: you can let this ruin any possible enjoyment of Lawrenceville, or you can decide not to.
What I suggest is a 2 day marathon pity party. Explain to mom and dad that it’s going to be therapeutic. Binge watch movies-- Chick Flicks that make you cry, or action adventure that let you yell and scream, it’s up to you. Lots of ice cream therapy- ice cream has proven healing powers. A little hot fudge if you feel the need.
Then you wake up on Wednesday morning, and the pity party is over. You wash the ice cream dishes, get up and go for a run or a swim. And you find every single thing about Lawrenceville that make people proud to go there, proud to work there. The absence of a notable alumni isn’t a big deal; it just means that you get to set that particular bar.
Life is sometimes a series of disappointments, and this won’t be the last one. The person you were sure was your one true love may not be. That job you were certain to get went to the boss’s nephew who doesn’t know a third of what you did. Thunderstorms cancelled the outdoor concert you were looking forward to.
The occasional pity party over the big ones is acceptable. And at your age, this counts as a big one. The trick is to acknowledge that you’re feeling crappy, and put a time limit on the pity party-- yours is Wednesday. The put it behind you and move on with a positive attitude.
These three schools are interchangeable regardless of endowment or notable alumni. The only thing that differs is culture. Obviously the L’Ville AO thinks you’ll fit in beautifully and if the Andover AO felt the same way we wouldn’t be having this conversation. OP should take a moment and really think about that because that was a decision that was made in their best interest.
Five months is a long time to carry around bitterness and resentment especially when you got into a wonderful and highly regarded school. I think your outcome ( after only applying to three schools… ) is fairly remarkable and definitely worth celebrating.
The best therapy will likely happen on the first day of school because OP will be surrounded by excited peers who want to be there. If you continue being caught up in what might have been… you’ll likely miss out on a great BS experience… not to mention all the early and long-lasting bonding / friendships with kids who hit the ground running without reservation. Are you really going to let Andover taint your future and good fortune?
Frankly, I wouldn’t let the idea of Andover have that much power.
If OP gives L’Ville a fair shake and is still pining for Andover during Christmas Break… apply again and try to transfer! That’s the bottom line… but I really don’t think it will come to that.
What about all the kids who pined for Lawrenceville but have to attend Andover? Or those who dreamed of Choate but are stuck with Exeter? Or who wanted but have to attend ? It’s truly a cruel world out there. Suck it up and suffer through that world-class high school education as best you can. Maybe you’ll have better luck with college.
If you go in with the attitude that you won’t enjoy yourself, and you wish you were at another school, you aren’t going to succeed. Lawrenceville is an amazing school! You experience at boarding school is going to be what you make it. The AOs made the call that you would either be the right or wrong fit at the schools you were applying to. If the AO thought that you might not be a good fit for Andover, maybe it wasn’t the school for you…? Go in with the attitude that you are excited to be at one of the BEST high schools in the country. Make an effort to meet people, join clubs, emerge yourself in classes. So many people would kill for the opportunity you have so make the best of it and don’t let it go to waste!
If you can’t shake that feeling then maybe you should not waste the money on Lawrenceville. For you to get maximum value from ANY school, you need to be “all in”. How about you stay home this year and reapply to Andover (and only Andover) next year. It is not fair to your parents, the faculty/other students, and those on the Lawrenceville waitlist for you to go when your heart is not in it…
On the other hand, you could decide that you will make the best of your situation, maybe go through L’ville taking full advantage, make good friends, and get a first-class education in the process? Only you can make that decision.
You cannot make a fair decision based on admissions view books - you need to go with a good attitude. “Shoulda/Woulda/Coulda” is a slippery slope. How about trying the “WooHoo/So Excited” approach instead. Any school is what you make it.
Gratitude may help, and remembering what a tremendous opportunity and privilege you have. There are thousands of applicants who would have been thrilled to go to Lawrenceville (or any other school) but did not get accepted at all, or did not receive adequate financial aid, not to mention the millions of kids for whom an exclusive boarding school or private school education of any kind isn’t even a consideration. As a parent, I would have been vary uncomfortable paying the tuition bill in July if I didn’t know my child was thrilled to be going where he is going. How do your parents feel about it?
You are entitled to your feelings and a short “pity party” is acceptable. And rant and rave and get feedback about whether you are right in being disappointed and justify your feelings somewhat.
My husband said this to me the other day when I got so mad and upset about something and I was having trouble letting go…
“Yes, you are right to be mad. I would be too. But you now need to decide that it is NOT going to spoil an otherwise perfectly good day. You cannot let factors (or people) outside your control have the upper hand.”
I’m still upset but have moved towards a huge attitude adjustment about the situation.
Once you let go of old expectations you can move on more easily and really make progress. There are many paths to get to where you want to go.
It seems like you are trying to take pride in whatever you can associate yourself with – such as a school with lots of recognition, notable alumni and huge endowment. You are mourning the loss of bragging rights that you dreamed of having.
It is wiser to take pride in your own personal accomplishments, which can be done at any school, and are not dependent on your parents, or a school’s alumni, endowment or notoriety. Do great things. Become a notable alum of Lawrenceville.
If you are worried that your success hinges on the reputation, alumni and endowment of your school, and think your chances at success are crushed, you are mistaken. My daughter attended a public school and got admitted to an Ivy and offered full ride and full tuition scholarships elsewhere. The admissions reps could have cared less what her school had achieved – they were only interested in what she had achieved.
Your school will not make or break your future. You will, and to some extent luck will. Be determined to have a positive attitude so you can make the best of your time at Lawrenceville.
Life is full of situations where you won’t get what you wanted – you might not get into the university you want one day, or get the job you want, or the pay you want, or the date you want, or even the perfect health you want. Learning to refocus your attention on making the best of each situation you wind up with in life can take a bit of trust that for whatever reason, perhaps this was meant to be, and will turn out better for you. Seize the opportunities you do have and make the most of them.
I agree with folks above. Lawrenceville is an amazing school and lots of kids would love the opportunity you have. Yes, it is easy to want what you don’t have, and not getting it can be sad. But for the most part, BS - from the best known to the less known - tend to be very, very good at selecting the students who will thrive there.
It is time to plant yourself in your reality and make the most of it. If you want it to be awful, it will be. Don’t let your attitude make that happen.
Thank you so much to everybody that responded. I am truly grateful for all of the wise advice you all had to offer! You all really inspired me to do my absolute best to change my mindset and be ready to hit the ground running come this September. I’m not going to let my attitude get in the way of enjoying what has the potential to be an amazing BS experience.
Last year, my daughter was wait-listed by Exeter, SPS and Emma. But she was accepted by Grier, has been very happy, and wouldn’t want any other high school of any kind.
I appreciate all of your replies so much. Over the last day, I’ve done a lot of reflection and realized Lawrenceville truly is the best choice for me. I’m very excited to attend it in the fall! I’ve come to discover, after doing what many of you suggested, it isn’t about the rankings or statistics, but the genuine environment of the school. Because of this, I will be spending some time away from this thread, so your responses will most likely not reach me. But again, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to write such insightful responses!
