<p>I agree with justamom that it is hurtful to obviously avoid mentioning the deceased person as if he/she never existed. OTOH, it is also hurtful for do-gooders to launch into some big analysis of how you are feeling. I’ve had both. My suggestion is to let a few fond memories into the discussion if they fit, but don’t force it.</p>
<p>You might consider providing an escape room for her, so that she can plan to come, but know that if she is uncomfortable emotionally, she has a place to be by herself and no one will disturb her privacy or try to jolly her out of her grief. So close to her loss, she may not know what she can handle minute to minute. She might find that she is fine, or that it is not working, and to be able to easily escape may give her comfort. You might set a small table for her there, if she decides she would rather eat alone.</p>