Maybe part of this feeling is because you get stuck with the dull GF way more than you’d like?
With nada to talk about?
“The girls will clean up the dishes” comes to mind.
Or guys in one corner talking football and you end up with dull GF unless you just decide to ignore her ?
And time is so slow it’s going backward?
If no better option appears (like dessert), try making it a game for you. Make her talk about herself. Relax and be yourself unfiltered. A lot of times the more open you are with opinions, jokes, your likes and dislikes, and just asking questions the more open the other person is also. GF is probably scared of you.
It sounds like OP doesn’t really like the GF, and the kids all feel forced to be together. I am another one whose bio family is very far away and all of our holidays are spent with DH’s family. But the difference between my experience and OP’s is that it’s always been the more the merrier, and in-laws of in-laws and their kids/SO’s and THEIR kids are all invited, so there’s sure to be SOMETHING someone will have in common with at least one other person. We sometimes have games (dominoes, cards, etc.) Sometimes we put on old movies and keep a running commentary. Sometimes the little kids will dance for us, or show us their toys, or color and give us their art. There are usually several “adult kids” visiting, and they have very different lives, but find reasons to talk-TV shows, new movies, concerts they’ve been to, and if all else fails, they pull out their phones.
I always felt a little like an outsider, but no more. I have a SIL who enjoys talking to me, and an in-law of a niece who is my age and much like me so we talk. You don’t have to suffer in silence-find a way to change the dynamic and everyone will probably have fun. Go buy a Twister game, or Pictionary and invite everyone to play. We’ve hauled out Scattagories with success. Those who don’t want to play can pick a side to cheer on. Good luck with your holiday.
It’s one day and it doesn’t sound like you have anything else planned. Try to limit your time, have things planned (walk, games, watching a movie). Suggest the meal be just appetizers or make your own pizzas or fondue. Suggest Christmas Eve instead. It does seem a lot can be corrected by just limiting the time 12-3, or 4-6. Maybe some of the significant others ‘need’ to go see their own families immediately after the meal.
Make the Christmas gifts games or something to build. If you live in a snowy area, maybe some elderly neighbors could use 6 young adults to shovel or do something to make the house weatherproof. Plan to volunteer at sometime during the day which will help to limit the time spent at BIL’s house.
but if you can’t, it’s one day.
It’s “one day” doesn’t hold for major holidays–because they really are “one day”. A big one for many.
Except that she has no other plans for the ‘one day’. If she just wants to stay home, she could do that the day before, or the day after.
If he’s an ex-husband, who says you need to spend time with him and the GF, at all? Let the kids decide if they want to go to his place and when.
I you meant it’s the BIL’s GF, well, that’s how confusing this is.
Sorry for the confusion, it’s BIL’s GF.