My younger daughter (age 23, now living out of state) has a good friend whose mom died suddenly last week. I was acquainted with the mom but not a close friend. I’d like to do something for my daughter’s friend but I don’t know what kind of gesture would be most appreciated. Any ideas? Thank you in advance.
Does your daughter and her friend live in the same area? If not, perhaps paying for them to travel to visit one another along with a nice meal and pampering session together. Just being able to spend quality time with those who know you and love you whether to talk things over or distract you from your sorrows - whatever the friend is needing at the time - is often the best thing we can give.
Can you donate to a charity she supported / is significant to her, in her name?
Attend the wake or funeral. Have your D contact her friend directly and (if possible) let them arrange a time to meet – -- maybe tell your D you will pay for her to come home for a weekend to see her friend.
My sisters husband recently passed away. All of the above suggestions are good.
Even for me, it is really hard to know what to do and she’s my sister!
But my sister was so grateful for everyone who attended the funeral, she was especially touched that many of her son’s classmates, their parents and his teachers attended my bil’s memorial service.
My niece who is in college was so happy that her roommate and her mom came.
My sister and her kids are outgoing and are happy when they have things to do. It’s very overwhelming.
What is hard for me personally is when people tell me they are sorry for my loss. I know they mean well but that expression is really really hard. I am so happy when people tell me a happy story, even a small one. My bil was quite a personality and all the great stories about him warm my heart.
My bil had a specific disease he passed away from. My sister had a special charity and I know she is grateful for anyone making a donation.
In situations like this nobody can help. If we want to do something, then it is fine, do whatever you personally feel will satisfy YOU. You cannot bring a person back, hence you or anybody else cannot help.
For me the best thing you can do is write a letter and share a memory of the mother. It doesn’t have to be anythingbig. We had a memorial for my mother last weekend, and one guy stood up and said she was his favorite stop on his snow plow route because she always came out with a china cup of hot cocoa and it had a lid that kept it hot. A cousin told a funny story about her going up to his room when he was little and just talking to him when he’d been misbehaving. He pretended to be asleep and she pretended she was just talking to the air. Until the very end, when she went right up to his ear and said, “I know you’re listening. Now behave!”
@MiamiDAP , you’re being deliberately dense, I think. No one expects to bring back the dead, but it absolutely CAN help the LIVING by offering comfort of some kind. To the OP-D’s had some good friends lose a parent or sibling in the last year and just being there-going to the wake if there is one, or the memorial service, offering sympathy-that helped them so much. I would only donate to a charity if you can’t think of anything more personal. People need rides, or someone to run for coffee, or pick up Aunt Sylvia-those deeds can stave off a lot of stress.
You might want to extend an invitation for lunch if the stars align and your D and the girl were back in town at the same time. My Ds college roommates mom passed away unexpectedly, and I try to include her in family gatherings a bit, as she lives in my town, but it is hard to know how to proceed when Ds are out of town. I like the idea of facilitating a visit with your D, as well as charity contributions.
Miami, kindness during hard times is often appreciated. I am deeply grateful for kind gestures made in my direction.
MiamiDAP, do you seriously think that the only way to help a grieving family member is by bringing the dead person back to life?
And compassionate people don’t try to help others in order to satisfy themselves!
I can’t believe you said that. 
I think the obvious answer is to ask your daughter what she thinks would help. If she says she doesn’t know, then tell her to think a little harder. This is HER good friend, she should have an idea of what could be helpful.
This suggestion from doschicos sounds like a winner. What does your daughter think? “Does your daughter and her friend live in the same area? If not, perhaps paying for them to travel to visit one another along with a nice meal and pampering session together. Just being able to spend quality time with those who know you and love you whether to talk things over or distract you from your sorrows - whatever the friend is needing at the time - is often the best thing we can give”