<p>A very good friend of mine has an adult daughter who is using drugs including, I think, injectable drugs, crashing her car while under the influence, staying away from home for days at a time, and otherwise being in lots of trouble. </p>
<p>The latest I heard in this sad saga was that the daughter ended up staying up for a couple of days at least, ending in using ketamine (I don’t even know what that is) and LSD. And then a couple of days later she was still in such an addled state that my friend dragged her to the psychiatrist, who wanted to commit her on the spot. But she’s an adult, so she refused. </p>
<p>She has a toxic boyfriend, whom my friend blames for a lot of these problems, but it’s obvious to me that the problems are with the daughter, who after all chose the boyfriend and had similar problems before he came along.</p>
<p>How can I help my friend, if at all? Should I just be sympathetic? Are there any suggestions you’d make? My friend and his wife are beyond the end of their rope by now. They don’t even know what to do to help their daughter.</p>
<p>Ofer to go to an Al anon meeting with her. I also suggest hat you try several different meetings since they all are different. The scariest thing is to walk in that first time.Your support by going with her at least the first time would be a gift.
Another gift is to help your friends focus on taking care of themselves. That could be in the form of asking them to go on a hike or maybe in your case a bike ride.
The sad thing is that as poet girl stated if the addict doesn’t want help there is not much the parents can do. They can only control their own actions. That could be by setting boundaries. If the car is in their names they should take it away. Not as punishment but as an act of responsibility to innocent people who could be hurt. </p>
<p>You may recall my son left college to enter a treatment program for his severe drinking problem. The biggest key was that he wanted to enter into treatment. Al-Anon is a great suggestion and appropriate for families dealing with addiction. </p>
<p>You should advise your friend to get professional help for herself and her spouse. If you know of any good therapists of that sort or someone who can come up with some names, that would be helpful. Someone who is not emotionally involved, sees a lot of this and is trained to deal with these situations would be the best to try to help these folks through this difficult time. Unfortunately, there is little to nothing that can be done for the young woman if she refuses to do anything for herself, or take any advice, continues to use. I can come up with some suggestions as can many of us, but we have our biases,are limited by them whereas a trained professional can give clearer alternatives, though frankly none of them tend to be good. It’s just a bad situation. It’s like asking for help when one has a criminal child, a dead child, or anything where the pain is just so great for a parent and there is little to alleviate it, and change the situation. </p>
<p>OK, so go to Al-Anon with my friend (a guy btw). And suggest that they take away the car if they can-- I had already thought of that, but thanks for reminding me. </p>
<p>Is Al-Anon for the family of drug users as well as alcoholics? I’m pretty sure that my friend’s daughter’s problems are with illegal drugs rather than alcohol.</p>
<p>Al anon will be fine for that. And it is super great of you to offer to go with him. </p>
<p>If she has problems with any drugs, she has problems with ALL drugs. Alcohol is a drug. </p>
<p>You are good to go with him.</p>
<p>There he will learn about all the things he can and cannot do. Things like taking away the car really can "Help’ someone to get to the point where they want to stop using.</p>
<p>As far as I know, this kid doesn’t drink. At least, I’ve never heard mention of any drinking, either in moderation or to excess. That’s why I wondered about Al-Anon: the website seems focused on problem drinking. And that makes sense, because the vast majority of all drug addicts in the US are alcoholics. Has anyone here gone to Al-Anon for a family member with non-alcohol drug problems, or do you have a friend who has done so?</p>
<p>Ive gone to Al- anon.
It is for family & friends of addicts.
It doesn’t matter what the substance is.
It didn’t really help me, but groups vary.
I wasn’t in the mood to shop around.
There is also Nar-anon
<a href=“Nar-Anon Family Groups”>http://www.nar-anon.org/naranon/</a></p>
<p>You have my sympathies as supporting a friend who is going through serious difficulties like drug addiction is extremely tough. </p>
<p>You’re being a good friend. Make some time to ensure you’re taking care of your own emotional/physical health as that can be enough when a good friend or his/her family members are going through a problem as severe as drug addiction. </p>
<p>Read this article. It explains in detail what a mom going to Al-Anon got out of it when her adult son was a drug addict. It actually does have a happy ending. FWIW… I went to high school with this mom.</p>
<p>For others who want to support friends with problem drinkers in their family, and want to offer to attend an Al-Anon meeting, pay attention to the meeting label. Meetings labeled “Closed” are only for people who have a problem drinker/drug abuser in the family, so I, for example, would not be welcome at such a meeting. Meetings labeled “Open” are open to all.</p>
<p>Teriwtt, thanks for that link. I can see that my friend and his wife are, in fact, enabling their daughter-- and I totally don’t blame them, because I’d probably be the same, even though it turns out that enabling is not the right thing to do. But maybe I am not the person to deliver that message, although I am going to suggest that they take the car away from the kid, because she could easily kill someone.</p>
<p>Cardinal fang- I wouldn’t worry about the closed meeting. I actually have never seen a meeting labeled closed in my area. The only requirement for membership is a problem of alcoholism/addiction in a relative or friend. It doesn’t need to be an active addict or drinker. I have met people in Al Anon whose qualifier is long gone but the person realizes that they have things in their own lives that have been affected by the disease. Most of us have someone in our life who qualifies us. </p>
<p>I have recommended al anon to friends supporting friends going thru this. You already qualify because you are worried about your friend. Nobody in al anon I’ve ever met would see you being there with your friend as a violation.<br>
Just the fact that you want to make recommendations qualifies you.
IME</p>
<p>Turns out there are quite a few closed meetings here. Several of the ones that otherwise looked like good candidates are closed.</p>
<p>"‘Closed’ Al-Anon meetings are meant only for those whose lives are bothered by someone else’s drinking. Visitors and newcomers that qualify in this manner are welcome to attend ‘closed’ Al-Anon meetings. We ask that those seeking only information not attend."</p>
<p>I guess I could say that the drug-using of my friend’s daughter bothers me. I guess. But I don’t think it would be right for me to try to twist the rules.</p>
<p>ETA: This post was not a response to poetgrl’s #16. We crossed. If people in the know say I’d be fine to go to these meetings, then I believe you.</p>
<p>My experience has taught me that a parent can keep beating themselves up on this but the bottom line is for an adult child in particular, the child has to do what is necessary to stay clean - parents are irrelevant.</p>
