My nieghour’s kid has Aspergers and is going through depression. Problem is, he is so adept at searching through google and reading up about his condition and tends to act out and feel what is written out there. His parents are not particularly encouraging when it comes to starting new things like regular jobs. The father says why should he work when he has money (i.e his dad) while the mother who is a homemaker says that its tiring and stressful to drive him to the train station and back and waking up early. I’ve helped him get two jobs already and he’s quit both because every time, his parents do not encourage him but rather put glass ceililng above his head. He’s an adult now,so he can make his own choices. But i want to help him understand that yes, he is different, but no, the world will not mold to your needs and wants but rather, you have to adapt. Hoping to get some clarity on how to help him.
I think he is not your kid, he is your neighbor’s kid. You aren’t doing employers any favors helping him get jobs that he just quits. I’d say be friendly and social with him, especially if he is isolated. But this isn’t your problem to fix. And someone with Asperger’s may not be able to mold his behavior the way you think they should. Maybe at some point (or maybe they already have), his parents will seek professional help that might help him develop job skills. But you are not a professional or his parent. Stay out of it. Be a friend, but don’t try to direct his life.
intparent is right. This is your neighbor. Not your rodeo. Stay out of it. You are correct in everything you say but this is one of those times where your hands are tied and it really isn’t your business.
How did you get involved? Did the parents ask you to help him? Is he a friend of one of your kids? Has he been coming over for years to sit at your kitchen table? Are you friends with the parents?
If the subject comes up, you could suggest counseling. I don’t see what else you could do, and the conversation would have to be invited by the parent or kid.
Are you a professional in the field?
You can help him by being his friend. That is the best thing you can do for him!
I wonder just how much understanding you have of the real scenario. The part I quoted above is, well, rather lacking in understanding.
I am a very involved parent of a 26 yr old Aspie whom I suspect outsiders who do not know us could speculate similar “glass ceiling” limitations due to lack of support (which is completely false since he has 100%+ of our support.)
Our ds is gifted (high IQ and well-educated) and works in the back room of a Goodwill as donor greeter. Guess what? He works at Goodwill precisely bc he has needed an employer who will accommodate his inability to adapt and mold according the employers needs. (Inability to adapt is classic autism spectrum. You can’t just tell him he needs to adapt. Seriously. I only wish.)
Your neighbor is far from being alone. Something like 88% of Aspies are either unemployed or underemployed.