How to improve my essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>The prompt was:</p>

<p>Does every individual have an obligation to think seriously about important matters, even when doing so may be difficult?</p>

<p>Here was my essay written for the May SAT</p>

<p>Often, life presents us with difficult situations. It is sometimes tempting to not think critically about something because doing so can be disturbing. But it is the ability to confront hard decisions that defines a person.</p>

<p>Over recent years, genetic testing has increased in amount of tests available, as well as in accuracy. In doing so, it has aroused both excitement and fear, in almost equal measures. Scientists and doctors claim that genetic testing will usher in a new era of preventive medicine, whcih will allow people to make decisions regarding lifestyle and fertility, thus increasing one’s quality of life. But other people are less optimistic. They claim that as genetic testing becomes more prevalent, a genetically inferior underclass will be created, and all that was gained was labeling a large percent of the population. In addition, genetic testing can be used by insurance companies to deny people coverage. These are difficult questions and can only be answered through open discussion, critical thinking, and an awareness of the issues at hand.</p>

<p>In the age of terrorism, policy makers are often confronted with difficult situations. If a terrorist is detained, should he be subject to torture if doing so may save innocent lives. Many argue that torture, under any circumstances is immoral and illegal. But in the “ticking bomb” case, perhaps morality dictates that ruling out torture is wrong. Still others have reasoned that if torture will occur, which in the age of terrorism is likely, there should be procedures for it. Perhaps an official must obtain a warrant for torture so that there is accountability. But the downside to this is that torture should not be in the open, as an official government policy. To digest all these arguments is difficult, even more so since terrorism invokes fear and passion in many people. However, only through thinking seriously about these issues can we reach a solution.</p>

<p>Thinking seriously about life is crucial to the developement of a person. From foreign affairs to decisions about our own body, one must make difficult decisions.</p>

<p>This essay scored a 4 by one reader and a 5 by another (together a 9). Do you think this was a fair score? What can I do to improve it?</p>

2

<p>bump. anyone?</p>

3

<p>can anybody comment on this essay?</p>

4

<p>Probably a 10, but a 9 is reasonable.</p>

5

<p>The essay in the abstract is fine. There are a handful of grammatical errors, but that’s not a major issue given the 25 minute limit.</p>

<p>My sense is that the reason your score is not higher than you expected is because the essay is not precisely on topic. Almost all policy stratagems have positive and negative aspects. Decisions often must be made regardless of the negatives. You picked two such policies. Neither however hits close to home. They are inherently abstract since we as individuals rarely need to deal with either. </p>

<p>So what are better examples – or at least examples that are more on topic? One could be a decision to take a family member off life support, or to accept their decision to stop taking medication that would briefly prolong their life. Another example may be to accept a job in an area that conflicts with our conscience or politics. Both of these examples of personal conflict would hit home. Alternatively, there are numerous examples in literature that deal with the conflict at the heart of the essay topic, as for example “To Kill a Mockingbird”. An essay that’s closer to the sense of the topic can be written based on these.</p>

<p>Another possible reason for the lower score than you expected is that you have two examples. A third example may make the difference between a 9 and a 10.</p>

<p>Whose to say if my assessment is right? It’s simply an opinion. Perhaps the graders had a bad day.</p>

6

<p>Fogcity: Thank you for taking the time to explain the flaws in the essay. I understand your point that the examples should be personal; the prompt specifically mentioned individuals. I answered that although the use of torture is certainly a disturbing issue, one that many would like to ignore, people must be serious thinkers and evaluate where they stand on the issue. Granted most people will never be involved in government decision making, but they should think about the issue for themselves. Why is that abstract?
Once again I appreciate your response.</p>

7

<p>Like FogCity said, I think you have a sound argument but the problem is that its a little off topic. When I read the prompt, I interpreted as: provide examples of how individuals who made important decisions benefited to society, or something of that sort. I could very well be wrong, but I think the problem is you focused more on controversial topics rather than an individual’s role in it.</p>