<p>I took the May 2009 SAT as a sophomore. I had just come out of the hospital the day before the test, recovering from a 105 F fever. Even during the test, I had a VERY bad cough, so I’m well aware that my thoughts weren’t as lucid then as they usually are. The following is my essay, typed word for word from my SAT Score Report online, with no corrections made. It received a score of 8, with each reader giving it a score of 4. I’d like to hear your opinions as to how it could be pushed up into the double-digit range. There are already a few sentences I can see that don’t exactly have the best syntax/phrasing, but bear in mind that I was sick that day lol</p>
<p>Prompt: Are people best defined by what they do? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations. </p>
<p>Essay: </p>
<p>"It is often said that people are best defined by what they do. However, many neglect the fact that a person’s achievements are merely a subtotal of who they are. We must take into account the person’s satisfaction with his or her job, as well as whether or not they chose to work in this field out of their own free will, before we can make a conclusion about them. </p>
<p>I have a friend who was a very capable person. He was a good student, honest, reliable, and always put effort into everything he did. However, due to the competitiveness of the job market, he was unable to find one that suited his greatest interest, science. Although he had a doctorate in chemistry from a well-respected institution, the limited amount of jobs kept him from his dream of becoming a chemical engineer. Instead, he ended up as a laboratory assistant at the local university, a position that is considered to be lowly. This friend was thus looked down upon, and his abilities were severely underestimated because no one perceived how intelligent he really was. By being forced into this job, he had no way of showing who he really was. </p>
<p>Another friend faced a slightly different situation. Ever since he was young, he dreamed of being a teacher. However, his father was strictly opposed to this ambition of his and sent him to medical school instead, with the intention of having him become a doctor. He was extremely dissatisfied with this, but he had no say against his father. So he passed medical school halfheartedly, with no real interest in this area of work. When he set up his own practice, he was criticized by his patients for doing often sloppy work, but this does not mean he was incapable. His meager achievements were merely due to dissatisfaction towards his job. </p>
<p>Through both these examples, there is no doubt that a person’s accomplishments are not an accurate picture of who he is. We must take many other factors into consideration, such as the reasons why the person ended up in the job he did, in order to make a correct assumption about them."</p>
<p>Ouch… I didn’t realize there were so many awkward sounding sentences lol! With grammar/syntax aside, does anyone have any more suggestions? :)</p>