How to Join a New Friend Group? Please Help

College Life
1

So Ive been at university for about a month now, and so far, everything’s been going great. In the beginning, I was in a group of about 15 kids, and we all hung out and did stuff together, but as the weeks have gone on, kids have started breaking off into their smaller groups of 3-5… and i’ve got myself stuck in the completely wrong group for me.

I’m stuck in a group with three other girls, and while they’re all very nice, they’re just not for me. Firstly, they’re huge partiers, they’re loud, and if i’m going to be honest here, they’re REALLY boring. All they talk about is Grey’s Anatomy or boys or which parties they’re going to go out to this weekend, and I just don’t vibe with them at all. I’ve had people tell me that their first impression of me was that I’m a huge party girl because i’m always hanging out with these girls–i dont have anything against people who party, i just dont want that kind of reputation attached to me because i’m not a party person at all.

I know its only the first month, but i’ve noticed that with a lot of the girls, cliques are starting to form, and im worried that if i dont try and break into a new friend group now, i’m going to get stuck with my old friend group for the rest of the year, which honestly would ruin my entire freshman year experience, i think.

I’m a really introverted person, so making the first move in approaching new people causes a lot of anxiety. There are some girls in my dorm hall who all seem to know each other and they all seem really cool, but the only communication i have with them is the simple “hello” while passing each other in the hall. I’d really like to become friends with them, but i have no idea how to strike up conversation with them because i dont have any classes or really any mutual friends with them. I’ve started leaving my door open because i heard that’s a good thing to do, but since it’s already a month into the school year people dont really stop by to introduce themselves anymore, and plus i also live at the end of my hall so not very many people walk past my room anyways. (none of them leave their doors open either, so i cant just pop in and start a conversation)

I’ve also started studying in really public areas to see if anyone will approach me, but… nothing. Sometimes I see them at lunch or dinner and i want to ask to sit down with them, but i’m too nervous because i feel like it would be weird because they dont know me at all.

How do I go about trying to make friends with the girls in my hall? This is really stressing me out because i dont want to be stuck with my old friend group all year and i dont want to be friendless, either. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Edit: id like to clarify that i’ve had no problem making friends through clubs and such. I live in a residential college dorm so its a very tight-knit, family-like community, and this is where im having trouble making friends.

2

You are going to need to make some kind of move to chat with them. Does your dorm have a kitchen? Bake some cookies, then go offering them in their part of the hall. (“Can’t eat all these myself, want some?”). Introduce yourself, and ask them questions. Did you know each other before you came, where are you from, what’s your major, have you found any fun clubs or activities? Then… sit down with them next time you are in the cafeteria (unless they are just leaving when you get there). Look for common interests or classes (common classes are great, then you can ask for homework help or to study together).

3

Bump

4

This is almost exactly what happened to my daughter last year, as a freshman, except there was no fun part in the beginning. She decided she would just have to stop hanging out with those girls, because they were making her unhappy. Yes, she spent a few weekend nights alone. It was the best decision she could have made though. Now as a sophomore, she has a good friend group.

All these early groups of friends are going to shift and change as the year goes by. My daughter, interestingly, now is on better terms with some of the girls from the old group. People cling together, and I am certain there are people in other groups who want to be part of a new group. Try to make a plan with someone from another group at lunch, or after class, or at a club, and maybe you can carry that over to going to some different activity together. You will be fine. Don’t be afraid to do what is right for you. Soon everyone will start relaxing and that’s when you will be able to make better friends.

5

I do struggle with the same thing at times. I’m cool with some of the people on my floor, but some not really. I think it’s better to make friends with the people on your floor because they’re all your neighbors. I have other friends who live in other buildings on and off campus, but I always meet them at parties or out in about.

Our dorm has a lounge area where people hang out and study. I always go in there just to be around people. Maybe that’s what you should do if your dorm has a lounge. Lots of people hang out in our lounge because we have a kitchen area and a flat screen TV. I also see groups of all girls, all guys, and mixed at our dining hall and parties. I’d say try making friends with guys and girls both.

You can also make friends at parties. I made a few already, but it’s easy if you just walk up to random people and introduce yourself. Just avoid guys who act “creepY” towards you.

Overall, it’s not that hard to make new friends. It just takes some motivation to introduce yourself to other people.