What if you have your son make a few suggestions to his friend for schools that might be a better fit? That would leave you out of it.
I love this question. This occurs all of the time. I was that parent until I learned so much from this site. Never realized how competitive these top schools really are.Like others have said, if the conversation comes up again just slide in the importance of safety schools.
Since you’ve been through the process already, you can mention how surprised you were by how much more competitive admissions have become since your own college days, either keeping it vague or adding that you thought your eldest’s SAT of xxxx was swell until you visited Top 20 U and got a rude awakening. You can then add how many terrific schools you discovered that you weren’t previously familiar with or something about how you insisted your eldest’s list had great safeties and likelies. Then you close with wishing them a wonderful college visit tour and how special that time with their kid will be.
My nephew toured schools that were reaches for everyone and ones that we felt he wouldn’t get into. My children had the same ACT scores (and higher) and one of my kids had better grades although his class rank was higher at his low performing school than my kids highly competitive school.
My bil and sil would not listen, they had high expectations. The kid had been told he was a gifted genius his whole life. He applied to a less than 5% admit rate and waited. Didn’t get in, had to scramble to apply and ultimately went to a directional school. He went to the state flagship for graduate school.
Smile and nod. It won’t matter if you say something or not. If I had a dollar for every kid that visited schools that they had no chance of getting in, I would be a rich woman.
Let’s just say this. When we first had our guidance meeting with our D and gave the GC the list of schools we planned on visiting, he was so happy. Told us that we had done our homework, that he didn’t have to try and let her down that the schools she picked were not obtainable. That the schools we visited were good choices that she had a very good chance of getting into and that she should expect some aid even. He mentioned that it was not a typical meeting.
The kid will learn. At my kids high school, the thing to do was to apply to a bunch of reaches and the state flagship. Many of the towards the top, but not tippy top kids ended up with only a few choices, picked the state flagship or OOS flagship. You know what, as far as I know, everyone ended up very happy.
Not sure what is wrong with a “directional school?” Northwestern is a directional school. 
I’m not sure what’s more odd: a )that you are considering “going there” IE inserting yourself into someone else’s personal business or b) that you know another kid’s scores and grades. My advice to you is to MYOB. Oh, and by the way, every year there are parents who can’t fathom some kids getting into some schools. Other factors work into admissions including sports, legacy, race and LOR.
If they are touring these reach schools, then they will attend information sessions which should be eye-opening. Universities are usually pretty upfront about what they are looking for and can be quite blunt. I’ve seen a few dreams crushed during these sessions.
Most people I know toured far reaches during the search process, if only to see what’s out there. The parents are both lawyers, they’ll figure it out.
@yourmomma haha, wasn’t that directional school! It was a big change for parents who thought their child was going to a top 10 school, that was my point. It was public college, not the state flagship and not the school he and his parents thought he would go to. Not a school they even considered when looking at schools.
@yourmomma Directional schools are as bad as schools named after cities like University of Phoenix or Chicago.
You can’t say anything other than being supportive. If for some off chance this student gets in to one of these reach schools, you will look really bad in their eyes (“he didn’t believe in my kid.”) and if he doesn’t get in to any of these schools they will looked down upon you as a “know it all” or “told you so” kinda person. It’s a no-win situation for you.
Sometimes you need to let people figure out things the hard way…
My daughter’s friend applied to mostly reach schools. The mother told me she will get in because “we are full pay and they want our money.” I had to bite my tongue very hard. Fast forward to the spring and she received 9 rejections, one waitlist, and two acceptances to schools she didn’t like. She was “lucky” enough to get off the WL and attend a school she liked… but she never got into her chosen major ( that’s another story). Mom got mad at guidance for not supporting her D’s choices through the process… again I bit my tongue. The GC told her that she needed some realistic options.
Another friend also had a list full of mainly reaches. Guidance straightened her out when he told her that she needed a new list because she was not going to get into most of the schools on her current list. The girl came out crying… and sure enough, she did not make most of the schools on her list.
I would keep quiet. If the students meet with their guidance counselor … let them do the dirty work.
First, it really isn’t any of your business unless the family asks for your guidance.
Second, the attorneys may be enjoying themselves as many adults wish that they could redo their college years. Why ruin their version of family outings/vacations ?
Third, you could be wrong.
Right - if the known test score is near bottom range of some of these places, I wouldn’t even blink an eye. He might be working with a tutor and testing again. Maybe he has another test score you don’t know about. He might have unique essays. Maybe he does something unique in his free time that will stand out. Maybe his parents donate a boat load of money to their alma maters. Too many factors to worry about their business. I know kids that got into competitive schools I had no idea would be contenders. You never know. A couple lawyers should be able to figure it out.
If there was one way to do this college thing, we’d all be doing it the same way. There are a variety of reasons why two educated people are taking their offspring on tours of seemingly out-of-reach schools. Since none of us, including OP, are sitting at their dinner table every night, we are working with limited information. Best to stay out of it.
And it’s not always grades and scores.
Maybe the kid wants to pursue a less competitive major. Not everybody want to be a doctor or engineer
My daughter had an ACT score of 27, SATs of 1200. and an academic schedule that could be best described as “unusual”. I let her apply wherever she wanted, as long as she also applied to a safety she was willing to attend. (Easy here in California - she was pretty much guaranteed to get into UCSB or UCSC). Daughter had stars in her eyes and reached, and then got in to several reaches (Barnard, Chicago, Berkeley). We did have a strategy - she was a lopsided students and so she played up her strengths.
But the point is that I’m pretty sure that if we had asked for opinions of others there would have been eye-rolling and predictions of doom. I know for a fact that I did get told by one “expert” that my daughter was wasting her time to apply to Barnard, which supposedly would not even look at a kid with her test scores… I ignored that “advice” because I hadn’t asked for it, I had been asking about Yale. I already knew that Barnard was pretty much a perfect fit.
So – yes – it’s the friends’ journey, and one they will have to make on their own.
Certainly possible that the lawyer parents are clueless and hopelessly over-optimistic. If so, going on these tours will be informative.
Or maybe they are savvy. They are using these tours to identify the one fancy school that the kid could target with an ED application. You only get one ED bullet (which increases admit chances) so you don’t want to waste it.
Or maybe it is the kid who is clueless/optimistic, and so is currently uninterested in touring more likely schools. But once the kid clues in, these tours might inform the kid’s match/safety choices. If you liked Georgetown and UNC, maybe you should consider applying to GW and NC State…?
@Eeyore123 – my son is a graduate of a directional college, and it was not “bad” at all. My son was also a National Merit finalist – he started out at another, name-brand college but later transferred to the directional school – where he ended up getting an incredible fellowship opportunity and graduated debt-free.
In case anyone is not familiar with the term, “directional school” usually refers to the less selective regional public colleges. In California, where I live, most of the colleges in the CSU system would fall in that category. In another state, it might be a school like Western Washington as rather than UW; or Eastern Michigan rather than U of Michigan.
Nothing wrong with them – they provide an affordable path to a 4-year degree to their state residents, as well as an appropriate foundation for whatever graduate level education the student hopes to pursue.
People on CC always seem to know what’s better for everyone else’s family. None of your business.
“Not sure what is wrong with a “directional school?” Northwestern is a directional school.”
So is USC.