My parents (now deceased), my husband and our kids all go to the same eye doctor. He has treated me since I was 13. I do have a very serious eye condition (blind in one eye and some limits in my other. My doctor is now in his late 80s. His practice (solo) was wonderful and old fashioned. He has recently subleased an office with 2 other doctors. The head doctor is awful. Mr. Ellebud and I saw this doctor go into two tantrums while I was in the waiting room. There was another verbal attack directed at my husband and me. My doctor gave me the best parenting advice. We gave him tennis advice. The other doctor would be the person that I would have to see in an emergency.
I notice that my doctor has become somewhat forgetful and a few other signs of age. It breaks my heart but I fear that I should consider finding another doctor. When do you “know” its time to leave and does one do it? Do I call? Write a note? Go to the office? I have never fired a doctor…added doctors yes, but no firings.
I’ve never left a long-term doctors but I’ve left plenty.
There has ALWAYS been a very negative reason that I’ve left so I just leave, find a new one, and move on.
Yes, if you are sure you can’t work with the new medical partners, just go to the office to fill out a release and have your records transferred to the new outside doctor. You do have a new doctor, right?
Find the new doc and the sign a release for all your medical records to be transferred. It’s clearly time to move on. If this man is forgetful AND has a partner who has frequent tantrums and is abusive, it sounds like the practice may not survive long anyway. I suspect many patients will also be moving so you won’t be singled out. It is sad when you have to move because of those reasons.
I have left many docs who did not treat me well (misdiagnosed, personality conflicts, etc.), but none that I became fond of and had to leave because they aged or had abusive partners. It is part of life, but your health and your H’s health comes first. Your doc will likely not long practice, since he’s in his 80s and becoming forgetful (probably breaking in the new partners).
It is 100% fine to leave a doctor or a therapist when it is the right time for you. H is a doc and I am a therapist who specializes in long term therapy.
The only thing that is important is that you acknowledge (Only if this is true) that you appreciated their service over the years as a way of making it clear that you are moving on.
In person (esp.for a therapist), a short note in snail mail, an email…
no apology at all! Just a “thank you so much for the wonderful years that I was your patient”.
That is it.
Professionals do not take offense–although I do appreciate that this is not an easy thing–breaking a long professional relationship up.
And do know that he would love to hear from you at appropriate times such as a holiday with a simple written note.
NOT necesary but H and I always appreciate that even when the patient left us for whatever reasons.
We both know and do not want to be anyone’s saint. And always want our patients to have the best care and outcome.
I do believe after 40 years in the the medical field, the good guys trust their patients and clients to make their own decisions about their own care. And! repeating myself, are not offended when people move on. But I will admit that some of the special clients/patients are missed just because of that special conection but that is never the patients burdon, just a compliment that while we touch you, you do touch us.
I have practiced by my learning in 1972, " teach to learn". I have learned far more tjhant I have taught and so .
Gads going on and on!! So --leave doc and send a nice email just saying your appreciation.
No apology. The office records are mainstream so should not be complicasted with you goodby emotions.
I agree with Oregon. Find your doctor and have your records transferred. Write a letter of appreciation, he will understand. Of course, anyone would feel a little hurt, but the letter will go a long way to soften that.
People make changes all the time. Either call, tell them you’d like a copy of your file to pick up,and than them for their assistance all these years, or go to a new doc and let them request your records.
You know when it’s time (it is) and as others note, it is really a matter of having records sent to the new Dr or if you prefer, picking them up in person and perhaps saying good bye and thank you. I left an eye dr whose knowledge did not keep pace with my needs. It made a world of difference to my vision, lens options and peace of mind. Odds are your current Dr is looking to wind down the practice at this point.
@bevhills, in your place, I would do as others here have suggested. Once you’ve chosen a new MD, simply ask the previous office for your records yourself, or have them forwarded to the new office. The doctor you have a relationship with is not in a position to change the situation, so there’s no point in telling him that his new partner behaves inappropriately. If he himself is no longer as competent as he was, of course you and your family should have the best care you can find.
I have, however, fired two doctors for incompetent and unprofessional behavior, and only wish I had done so more publicly than I did. I wrote each a 1-page letter detailing my objections and informing them that I would seek care elsewhere. If I could do it over again, I’d have told them face to face and then sent a letter to their partners and the appropriate oversight agencies.
I’m going for a second opinion. I actually feel guilty about it, what’s wrong with me? I have the world’s premiere medical center in my backyard and I want to see their endocrinologists. I feel like I’m going to hurt my doctor’s feelings - lol I’m not switching, I just want to hear what they have to say. I have to wait a few months for an appointment so what I’m going to do is after my next blood test in a week or two I’m calling the office to send medical records. I don’t know that he’ll actually even know if I send records elsewhere.
I am never offended when a patient wants a second opinion. I actually give them some names to try just because I know most of the dentists in this town and we have some bad ones. Sometimes there is another plan.
RE leaving a long term relationship: I have always appreciated when long term patients send notes that they were leaving and either listed the reason or not. Yesterday, a patient of 15 years called to say he was transferring to the dentist next to his business and wanted us to know he would miss us, but he was getting busier and liked the convenience. His wife is staying with us for now. No problems and I liked knowing that he was leaving us, rather than wondering if we had done anything.
You can always have the new office call your old office and ask for records. No problem with that. On occasion when that happens to me, I may send the patient a personal letter saying I appreciate their many years of patronage, they are welcome back, and if they would like to share their reasons, please reply to me personally.
My mantra is that I don’t like everyone I meet, so I can’t expect everyone to like me.
I would ask for a copy of the medical records for myself for my own files, and then have a little chat with the senior Dr. about who he respects in the profession in addition to the colleagues in his current office. I did essentially that when I moved across country. Dr. X didn’t know anyone where I was moving, but had there been a specific recommendation, I would have followed up on it in the new city.
I was just talking with a friend about a similar situation. She wanted her records for the second doctor. The first doctor’s office manager actually told her, “If you take these, you can never come back.” I thought that was really unprofessional.
Thank you all so much for your opinions. I have been very fortunate to have had mostly good experiences. I did leave my first oncologist (I asked what was going to happen with chemo and they sent me a booklet) and one bad dentist. I have been “lucky”. My oncologist gave me three names of Cedars doctors. I must be sure that they will accept my insurance.
I left my onc after 20 years. I could not get into all the reasons as I did have a sense of loyalty that I couldn’t overcome. I didn’t feel that he advocated for me and that his focus had changed. I did send him an email and said I was leaving. I am sure he was surprised but ultimately I couldn’t stay so I wouldn’t hurt his feelings. I go to the doctor for a reason for my health. it was about me. It was painful as you know you form special relationships with those guys, similar to the one with your eye doc. but ultimately you need good care for your eyes.