<p>I know most of the follow cc’ers are either parents of or are supermotivated students - but I am sure there are at least a few that have had the experience I am going through with D right now. My D was VERY organized this summer working on her common app done, requesting teacher recommendations as soon as school started. Now she just needs to send in an essay to one school she has already applied to. She wrote an essay that clearly wasn’t very strong or well thought out and I told her so and she’s yet to revise. I did not want to be all of her case but I cannot help myself now - Schools with Nov 1 deadlines for early action are quickly approaching. Do I just not say anything and let her get it done on her schedule and risk not getting things done on time/not get acceptances at her top choices or take away driving privileges, etc. nag her until it gets done? </p>
<p>Last night at dinner she informed us she was considering taking a year off and applying next year. I wasn’t sure if she was saying this just to get out of doing the applications or if she truly wants to take a year and try to figure out more of what she wants to do. She is clearly undecided on major and even type of school - but I told her find a school that has a lot to offer and where you think is a good environment socially and academically and try some classes. Would love advice from other cc parents on what you’ve done in similar situations.</p>
<p>I would say to let your child do her own thing. Do not rush an unfinished product and risk it all just for the possibility of early acceptance.</p>
<p>Talk with your kid for a long time, once. Little talks x every hour = nagging.</p>
<p>I’m a kid, and I must say that nagging your child as my mother does to me is not at all helpful. As prospective college students, we are not idiots (ok, some of us are, but still)–we know the due date. This is like a big research paper for us. We dread doing it because it is just so important. I know you parents are freaking out because it’s college applications and it looks like we’re just wasting time procrastinating. We’re scared. These are our lives here. We aren’t taking it lightly–we’re trying to ready ourselves for that final push. And it really doesn’t relieve any pressure when you remind us of the dates and what we have to do several times a day. It makes it seem much more insurmountable than it actually is, and it really wears us down.</p>
<p>I think it’s wise to listen to her regarding the one year off idea. However, you can and should gently point out that she should still apply to a few schools with at least 2 safeties, as insurance.</p>
<p>So many kids change ALOT during this senior year. What they think they want in October may (mostly does) look very different come May. At least this way she’ll have options. Let her know you’ll support her decision either way, but she must protect herself by getting some (one) acceptance. </p>
<p>It sounds like she’s been dragging her feet for a host of reasons. Enderkin makes some great points about nagging and offers some other good food for thought. It’s a balancing act to help propel them forward without being a complete nag. Both my kids stalled on the application process, and S was particularly difficult to get in gear. Some folks on this board may be critical of me, but I really had to shepherd the process to move him along. He didn’t like it much at the time, but later, with 6 acceptances in hand, he was really glad he had choices. In fact, the “I only want to go to x school” changed completely and he ended up at one that was last on his list in the beginning. And he’s very happy he made that decision. He changed. Lots of his friends changed. Your daughter more than likely will too.</p>
<p>Practically speaking, what worked best with him was to pick a deadline date in advance of the real one to review his edits (H & I encouraged both kids to have multiple readers provide feedback). I generally found that the 2nd rewrite was significantly better than the first. Honestly, it does seem that after the first one or two applications(with completed essays), things get much easier because the essays can often be used again in some form.</p>
<p>Best of luck in this process. It’s stressful but worth the effort.</p>
<p>I’m thinking you’re lucky she was motivated at least SOME of the time! LOL</p>
<p>This too shall pass. She just needs a little break. Don’t stress about early action - maybe she is feeling cornered prematurely. She’s got a little time to re-think her list if she needs to.</p>
<p>Ha ha. Funny you should say that, riverrunner. The deal I had with my procrastinating son last year was that if he worked on his essays I would bake. Seriously. So he wrote, and I made brownies. It worked out well for both of us! ;)</p>
<p>“She wrote an essay that clearly wasn’t very strong or well thought out and I told her so and she’s yet to revise.”</p>
<p>Sounds like this is where it ground to a halt and, if she’s like my D, it may be a bit about punishing you. How did get the point across that the essay - in her words perhaps “sucked?” Is there someone else who can help her with her essay or can you approach it in a different way?</p>
<p>I nagged my son for a week or 2, maybe more last year, when he’d already applied to his EA safety schools and one or 2 others. I felt he should whip them all out and be done with it. I came to the parents forum and several people suggested (nicely) that I back off. I finally did and told my son I was doing so. He sweetly thanked me and slowly but surely completed every app he had planned to do–on time and beautifully executed. I was wrong to push him and <em>THANK YOU</em> CC posters for telling me so. He didn’t need the pressure. This was his college search, not mine. Moreover, the schools he’d already applied to would have been very good choices–in fact he ended up choosing one of them. Had he chosen to do a gap year, the world would not have ended. So, OP, I say (lovingly) maybe it’s time to back off, make her cookies and tell her you love her, as I’m sure you do.</p>
<p>Like Bethievt I was a bit surprised that after sending off the two EA applications, he thought procrastinating till the last hour on all the others was A Good Idea. But back to the OP, yes I think for many writing the perfect essay is so intimidating the whole process gets stalled. If she brings up the gap year again, I’d say it’s a great idea worth considering, but since most schools will allow you to defer admissions, and come April she may have changed her mind, she should apply now.</p>
<p>I have worked with students who were completely stalled on writing essays. To take the pressure off, I usually ask them to write an opening paragraph for five essays. They can even be silly, far out, anything to take them away from the seriousness of it all.</p>
<p>Often one of these random paragraphs gets their interest, and they’re off. So many of these essays are casualties of trying too hard. I swear the only reason my S did his in a timely fashion (which really shocked me because that’s not his usual style) was because he was writing about Star Wars (and I’ve said before, sorry to repeat.) I’m pretty sure he snuck plenty of peeks at the movies for “inspiration”.</p>
<p>He also had light sabre duels (they use plastic sabres) with his friends to the unending mortification of his sister. They even did it in the rain. BTW: they light up!</p>
<p>mythmom,
The light sabre duels sound like a great stress reliever. The essays can be so stressful.
I would back off and give her some time to chill or maybe think of something fun that you could do together. My girls are always up for a mani/pedicure if I’m paying! Maybe you could do a little lunch and an afternoon of self care. It works for me!</p>
<p>OP: Just re-read your opening. Super motivated student and my son? Haha!
D, yes, all her ducks in a row. S? Hmm. Refused to apply to certain schools because he didn’t like their supplemental essay. BTW: The school he attends required no supplementals.</p>
<p>Replay the tape in your head of how it sounded when you told her the essay was “no good and i told her so.” On a spectrum, was it closer to “That’s no good” or “it’s a start but it has a LONG way to go.” </p>
<p>If the former, maybe you owe her an apology and that’ll unjam the logjam between you right now. Take ownership, say, “I’m sorry; I’ve never been an applicant’s mom before and perhaps I got off on the wrong foot there. What can WE do to come up with a plan that will work for you and won’t drive me nuts in the meantime?” If she’s at all fairminded I can’t see how she’d say, “Just leave me alone to do it.” I’m hoping instead she’ll say something like, “Well I’ll work on things and let you know I’m working on them so you don’t worry so much.” Or perhaps she would agree to a date and time (a few days from today) to meet and review drafts but then say NOTHING until the “appointment date” (even post it on the calendar). She’ll notice that you don’t even mention the appointment until 2 minutes before as you pour two cups of tea. That could re-establish your credibility with her as the advisor.</p>
<p>She might also say, “Yeah, it DID suck, I just don’t know what to do about it.” but at least you’ve got some communication going again.</p>
<p>On her sudden new interest in “gap year” it really sounds lame to me. My D also felt very young (she was) and wanted a gap year but she couldn’t have both ED and deferred admission, and she really had a first choice “love” that accepted her. I’d feel better if your D were saying, “I want to DO X so I want to postpone college with a gap year” rather than “I want not to apply and then I’ll figure out later sometime what I’ll do with all that time.” </p>
<p>You can reassure her that applying now, and perhaps choosing deferred admission NEXT APRIL keeps her options OPEN (most kids like to have their options OPEN). She’ll be a full year older (less 2 months) than she is today when she’d go to school in her normal timeframe, and that’s a long time. </p>
<p>Our D never got her gap year between h.s. and college, and then adamantly is TAKING one now in her first year as a college graduate before she decides whether to go to teachers college or whatever next. You can tell her that she can always take a year off during college; that there are many more programs that’ll be interesting once she’s in college for a gap year. More options for a 20 year old than an l8 year old if she has some exciting ideas about what to DO with a gap year. To me, she sounds like she just heard of gap year and it’s a way to dodge the difficult task of writing the app. Tell her it’s natural to have times when she’s unsure, but that doesn’t mean to pull the plug on the whole process. Maturity means keeping her choices as open as possible; don’t decide til you have to decide things.</p>
<p>I think mythmom’s suggestions is very good. My son was messing around with a program that scrambled up other people’s essays as a procrastinating technique, and I said, why don’t you write about that for your essay? Something else that helped him was a talk with my sister in law (an all but dissertation in English). She told him that he should keep in mind that college essays have two aspects - one is the question or prompt - you have to address that, but the second is the agenda - they want to know who you are, and that has to come through in your essay even when you can answer the prompt without doing so.</p>
<p>Wow! Thank you - I was away this weekend and was hoping come Monday am I’d have maybe a response or two - but this was more than I hoped - so thanks! Great ideas. She did rework her essay a bit and it’s better - but still not there. She’s a great procrastinator and it drives my husband and me nuts - but there is a lot of wisdom in the above posts - and I’ll try lightening up and not hounding. The times we have meaningful discussions about college, her future - or really anything - happen when she volunteers and it turns into a long discussion rather than my short “did you or when will you…”. I agree with gap year and basically told her to at least apply and defer - which we hope is not the case. I do think too that if you are really undecided after a year or two of college that you would have more opportunities for “Gap” year and maybe have a bit more of an idea after taking some college classes to help guide you. My D is a very bright student and has many interests and has friends who are very bright, super achievers (she’s a bit more of a slacker!), many of whom seem so sure of the college and major and life they want for themselves. Which many of you know, will drastically change. </p>
<p>I love the idea of writing a paragraph for each of the questions and just see where it goes from there. I’ll suggest this to her and try backing off and be more supportive, nurturing. Thanks again!</p>
<p>If the application is for Early Acceptance (not a commitment) encourage her to hang in there. If it’s Early Decision, the warning lights go on, since that’s not a good combo.</p>
<p>This process seems to drive the kids into a state of paralysis - they have to give a snapshot of themselves, in 500 words, that is so compelling that schools will be excited to have them. And this tends to bring out all the anxieties - “I’m just another good student from another suburban hs”, etc. etc.</p>
<p>I’m reminded of lyrics from the Broadway musical Chorus Line
"Who am I anyway?
Am I my resume?
That is a picture of a person I don’t know.</p>
<p>What does he want from me?
What should I try to be?
So many faces all around, and here we go."</p>
<p>BTW, I feel the pain. My D is apply EA and Saturday was a very, very long day as she worked on essays. It’s hard to know what advice to give - not only does it vary by kid, but seemingly, almost hour by hour.</p>
that have had the experience I am going through with D right now. My D was VERY organized this summer working on her common app done, requesting teacher recommendations as soon as school started. Now she just needs to send in an essay to one school she has already applied to. She wrote an essay that clearly wasn’t very strong or well thought out and I told her so and she’s yet to revise. I did not want to be all of her case but I cannot help myself now - Schools with Nov 1 deadlines for early action are quickly approaching. Do I just not say anything and let her get it done on her schedule and risk not getting things done on time/not get acceptances at her top choices or take away driving privileges, etc. nag her until it gets done? </p>