I had an insight over the weekend about my Aspie 7.5yo. At school, my son often has vigorous reactions to being asked to do anything unexpected, say if science one afternoon happens to involve a lot of writing. “It’s not FAIR! I already wrote in writing workshop this MORNING!”
He often gets into tangles at the playground so I shadow him from a distance. Yesterday I noticed some spicy body language and so I swooped in for a close look. When I observed him, I realized what was going on. A tiny kid - maybe 3 or 4 - was attempting to walk across of one of those chain-suspended beams. He was afraid and thus inching his way across and sometimes stopping completely. A line of kids was building him behind him, and some were simply walking past him, causing the beam to shake and the kid to freeze up. My son had appointed himself traffic controller and was trying to prevent the big kids from passing by. I stepped on my toe so my son could have the chance to work out his situation solo. One kid saw what my son was doing and started shaking the beam on purpuse. I took a half step expecting my son to do something reactionary (hit?) but in the nick of time, a girl took over line traffic control and my son jumped down and stablized the beam from below. The shaker lost interest and walked away and the tiny kid eventually made it across. Whew.
What unifies these two stories is the idea of fairness and our responsibilities/respect for others (both pro-social and problematic aspects).
I would like to help him work on these complex themes of authority, responsibility, fairness, justice, respect, etc. by exposing him to many different stories featuring child characters and engaging him to talk about his feelings.
If anyone has book recommendations, I’m all ears. He reads YA.
Sorry, no recommendations but just want to applaud both your kiddo and the other protective kid in the playground. Have you asked at your public library? Some of them are quite attuned to the books on specific topics and may be able to guide you. I’ve generally found them more helpful than most chain bookstores.
Life’s not fair. Sometimes you have to do what the teacher says. Seven year olds don’t get to decide on the plan for the day.
As far as helping out others, well that’s part of life too. Kids have been working things out on the playground for a long time. Sometimes it works out just like you’d like it to, other times parents have to step in.
I’m so impressed that your son showed such empathy and protection of the younger child. Aspie people want friends and are exceptionally loyal. A big hug would be a great reinforcement.
Not surprising he didn’t like to do another writing assignment. He may like science, but today wasn’t the fun part. He needs to know that sometimes you have to do some stuff you don’t like to get to the good stuff.
I agree with Himom, there are some terrific books on helping a child on the spectrum. I used me today that broke things down into social interactions, dealing with school work, etc. chapters on all the major issues.
It can be tougher to watch things play out, but it is SO important for our kids’ development to learn to watch and maybe afterwards talk about what happened and how it felt to him and what he thought went well and maybe even not as well as he had hoped and possible options for the future. Again, I’d recommend checking out different librarians, especially ones who have young children or perhaps the school librarian as well. It’s important for our kids to get reinforcement for doing what they feel is right, even if it may be tough at times.