<p>Thank you for the comment about burnout, ariesathena, I bet that could be a big part of what she is struggling with. I think I have been pushing her when she needs to take the month of June and accomplish nothing but putting in her hours at the fast food restaurant. Sleeping, spending time with boyfriend and other friends and regroup mentally.</p>
<p>Wow, it is so very helpful to have strangers’ input into our family dynamics. Not everything said is applicable, but all of it is helping me. It’s easy to develop blind spots in family relationships.</p>
<p>I feel like I can immediately stop pressuring her to DO something and let her BE.</p>
<p>She is out on an all day date with her boyfriend, so hoping when I see her again I will get a glimpse of my happy princess.</p>
<p>Thanks again for encouraging and supporting me as I learn how to let go.</p>
<p>One thing I tell people going through the college process is that whether we all admit it, this is a stressful time. The kids are excited and also nervous about all that awaits them, and parents worry whether we’ve taught them all they need to know. So, knowing that everyone is going through some really hard things, let’s remember to be kind to one another. That’s all I tell my kids. It helps acknowledge that I know what they’re going through and lets them know what I’m going through as well. But also sets the expectation that we need to treat each other well. Good luck! Your dd sounds like a great kid.</p>
<p>As a rising college sophomore, I feel like I can give a bit of a different perspective. I know how your daughter feels in all of this. Yes, it is an incredibly stressful time and yes, she is probably scared. However, if she is at times snappy or disrespectful, just know it is a phase. What an earlier poster said about giving their kids advice but making it clear that it was up to them to decide whether or not to take it is incredibly effective. My father is great at this tactic and it makes me really appreciate what he has to say much more than I would have otherwise. What this approach does is take away the “you are my child and what I say goes and disrespect will not be tolerated” impression and lets your daughter know that you are here for her. More importantly, it lets your daughter know that you are confident in HER. In her abilities as an adult, in her knowledge, and in her choices, now and when she leaves the nest. When you open conversation as adults, rather than as bickering family members, it goes a long way. Some of her resentment might stem from the fact that she is expected to act like an adult without being treated as one, just like some of yours may stem from feeling that your authority is undermined in front of your other children or husband. I know you may feel a bit of fear that you may lose your princess forever, but trust me. At this point in her life, she may seem unappreciative, but once she is treated like an adult, she will start acting like one. For me, it happened when I started coming home from college on breaks, when the distance made everything a little less emotionally charged and created more respectful exchange. You’ll get your little princess back, and when that happens, she will be so much stronger and confident and adult than you could imagine. Good luck!</p>
<p>Everything that makes my second daughter completely ready for college, a natural leader, the automatically elected captain to every sports team she was ever on, and an effortlessly great grade student, makes her impossible to “manage.” You can’t “manage” her. </p>
<p>We sat down, and we made a set of guidelines including her input, and she lives by it. Since she had input, she lives by it. </p>
<p>Other than that, we have a rule of no conversation before 10am.</p>
<p>Good luck to you.</p>
<p>in our family we use humor to reduce the tension that underlies those moments…</p>
<p>I also named the behavior for what it was, thanks to my cc friends, as “fouling the nest” and would acknowledge that as the likely cause of some of our strained moments, including their finding fault with everything in my home or my thinking. sometimes we would even say, "I’m not going to miss that, or I’m really getting more comfortable with the thought of you leaving… this really helped us both, and got us smiling/laughing instead of arguing as we recognized it for what it was…partly sadness at the upcoming transition to our lives.</p>
<p>I do not understand the problem at all. These were the happiest days, planning, buying some things, packing, looking forward. What is there to argue about? What is there to be rude about? What are the subjects of fights? I am at loss to even understand what is going on.</p>
<p>Sometimes it’s referred to as fouling the nest.</p>
<p>“we have a rule of no conversation before 10am.”
-Not sure I understand this one either. How conversation is possible? We were out the door at 6am and never there when the kid was up.
I guess, our family has missed the “great departure” event all together, never happened. We just moved her into dorm, then moved her several more times and then were faced with renting her studio with her being abroad, so she just had to live for the next 4 years in whatever we felt appropriate. I am tyring to remember arguing about something, anything at all, I do not remember, my memory is not good though. But while at home, she was so rarely in a house, that we basically savor those few moments. Lots of firends, some are way back since she was 3 y o, Grad. School friends, sport team friends, sorority sisters, UG friends, Medical School friends, no time to argue.</p>
<p>Yep, Miami, that was exactly my experience with D1. </p>
<p>Kids are different, though. This second one is busy most of the time with work, whatnot, and we don’t really “fight.” That is just not it. </p>
<p>She’s just ready for her own place.</p>