<p>We got this e-mail from my in-laws the other day:</p>
<p>Dear kids:</p>
<p>In lieu of other gifts this Christmas, you are being honored by providing two
Goats and a pig to a needy community/family in a poverty-stricken third world
country.</p>
<p>Love,
Mom & Dad</p>
<p>I’m trying to figure out how to acknowledge the <em>gift</em>? What is the right thing to say? They also sent some homemade food that got moldy before we could eat it. What do I say about that?</p>
<p>I’d focus my feelings on the wonderful spirit of the gift to the needy. It shows that the in-laws have compassion.</p>
<p>I’d focus on appreciating that home made fresh foods meant they spent time doing something for you rather that the easier path of just buying something and sending it on.</p>
<p>I see that you live in one of the most expensive areas in the country. Assuming that you don’t really want or need for anything, I’d feel blessed to have that kind of in-laws and would let them know that in plain direct language.</p>
<p>I have gifted people by donating to specific adopt an aminal at a zoo when I know the person loves animals. I have also been thanked in a way that showed that they appreciated that I listened to what they were interested in. But even if your in-laws have no reason to believe you are into helping others and doing for, rather than just buying stuff, for family, a “thank you for your charitable jesture in our names at the holidays” should do it.</p>
<p>In our family, we have been making charitable donations instead of giving gifts for YEARS. We just don’t need the “stuff”.</p>
<p>We usually write:</p>
<p>Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you for the gift of a donation to the food pantry. Particularly at this time of the year, it is a good feeling to know that others in need are benefiting from such a gift. </p>
<p>Thank you for making this donation in our name.</p>
<p>I knew someone here would know just the right things to say! </p>
<p>Thank you for sharing with me <em>your</em> gifts of how to say thank you tactfully – in a way that truly acknowledges the good impulses of the giver! I, unfortunately, do not seem to be gifted with the trait of tact. I’m am continually putting my foot in my mouth.</p>
<p>No, we don’t need any more stuff. And this is better than an electric toothbrush or a glue gun (a couple of previous years’ gifts). I didn’t know a gracious way to say thank you for those gifts either. – Guess this <em>saying thank you</em> business in a gracious way is something I still need to work on.</p>
<p>That’s a pretty hefty donation they made. One goat alone costs $120. We also do donations to charities family members are interested in instead of gifts. It’s stress free and it feels good!</p>
<p>I would love it if I could convince my folks to do the same. Maybe a very small token gift to one another, but it would make me feel so good to know someone else was benefiting from their benevolence. I once suggested something along those lines - maybe at T-giving each family naming their favorite charities - but my folks still love giving their kids presents & I could see that would spoil their fun. </p>
<p>We are not wealthy, but I always feel like we have so much compared to most other people in the world. I think your in-laws are on the right track!</p>
<p>Anyway, my note would be much like thumper1’s, but I would also mention all the other ways (non $$) they have given to us over the years.</p>
<p>Re: donations instead of gifts…DH and I began this many years ago. We were agonizing over gifts to send to multiple siblings, spouses, and nieces and nephews…and parents. We were spending a fortune and we knew that what we were sending was likely not needed or wanted by the recipient. AND we were getting a lot of “stuff” that we, quite frankly, didn’t want or need. SO…we began sending donations to charity. At first some members of the family bristled and continued to send gifts. Little my little, they stopped. My inlaws and parents still insist on sending us gifts. My parents have taken to gift cards to a retailer that is located where they live and where we live. My inlaws still send “stuff” which gets a nice thank you note and then gets stashed somewhere. We just have SO much and we know that there are others without food or heating oil or winter clothes, or shelter at all. At this point, our gift giving in the family is for weddings and new babies only.</p>
<p>Agree with Thumper’s reply. I would add a line such as, “Thank you for thinking of us and including our family in this wonderful project.” Or ‘in this generous donation.’ Personally, I would be sincerely appreciative of being included this way, of having such a worthwhile donation being made on my behalf without any muss or fuss on my part. Regarding the moldy food, best not to mention that and just thank them.</p>
<p>Thumper - a very gracious note - very nice.</p>
<p>OP, about the moldy food - while I wouldn’t mention it yet, I would mention it before the next holiday. No reason they should work hard preparing food if it’s going to arrive moldy. I know I would want to be told,</p>