<p>D19 went on a midsummer weekend trip with the group of close friends she made freshman year last weekend. I saw pictures of the trip on Facebook today and along with the 2 billion selfies there are tons of photos of all the girls smoking–including D19, who all through high school was the I-would-never-in-a-million-years-smoke type of kid. According to D, smoking is a “fun” “social” “casual” thing “lots of kids her age” do, and because she doesn’t smoke at home it’s none of my business. </p>
<p>What the heck do I do? She’s over 18 and doesn’t do it here, but D17 and D14 look up to her and I am not letting this be the precedent. Why on earth would any 19 year old kid want to smoke in the first place? Oy!</p>
<p>So, is shooting heroin, I suppose. Heroin is easier to kick than nicotine…</p>
<p>I tried to quit smoking the first time when I was 19. I finally succeeded when I was 54. It’s a horrible way to live, controlled by the drug addiction every 20 minutes, all day, every day, until it kills you.</p>
<p>It’s a shame that 19 year olds can’t see it for what it is – being a nicotine junkie.</p>
<p>That’s the conversation I had with my D when she told me that hookah wasn’t like cigarettes. I told her she was playing Russian roulette and that I would personally go up the side of her head if she got addicted to nicotine.</p>
<p>It is possible that she does not want to, but can’t help herself since this is an addiction. The “fun”, “casual”, “social” are just her way of excusing her behavior that she may silently resent (or maybe not).</p>
<p>I do not think you have much control over what the oldest kiddo does (SHE herself has to decide whether she wants to quit), but the younger kiddos are still looking up to you. Make sure that your disapproval of smoking does not sound to them as your disapproval of her as a person. It is much easier said than done, I know. Otherwise, they might think that mom is just being unreasonable with their role model. Treat her smoking as an illness, not a character flaw (because addictions are illnesses, even though they are mostly self-inflicted).</p>
<p>I hope poster idad chimes in with his words of wisdom. Stay strong!</p>
<p>I don’t have anything to suggest to you and I am 19!</p>
<p>I had a close friend who, for a period of her college years, had a fascination with smoking - hooks and cigars. (Not cigarettes because those are bad for you, of course…) I continued to share with her that nicotine is nicotine and smoke is smoke. She drew back. I have smoked with cigars with her before, but just on vacation. Never got addicted because I didn’t want to. (Yes, I oversimplified this sentence. Don’t crucify me. 8-| )</p>
<p>Can’t do much when it’s a social thing and they don’t want to leave the social scene. </p>
<p>I’m 22 and have no understanding as to why people start smoking. I was shocked when I came back to school my sophomore year and discovered that a friend who had talked about trying to get her mother to quit was now a “social” smoker. Friends of mine who study cancer smoke and I can’t imagine what sort of cognitive dissonance they have to have in order to do that.</p>
<p>But I think it’s just addiction. Last year, my uncle died a painful death of lung cancer after a half century of smoking. This was the second of my grandparents’ children to die and I can’t express how distraught they were. Nonetheless, friends and family visiting him during his illness would come around smelling of cigarettes. My brother, who is also a “social” smoker, was smoking outside of the wake.</p>
<p>Even though smoking upsets and worries me, I don’t ever really encourage my friends to quit. It seems too awkward. If they decide to start the process themselves, I try to be actively supportive. For a daughter with whom you can be more direct, I might discuss the seriousness of lung cancer. No one wants to die young and in pain.</p>
<p>Honestly, I’m not sure there is anything you really can do. It’s likely that she has already seen lung cancer pictures and PSA’s. If not, you can look on YouTube. New York makes some really great, and terrifying ones. But at the end of the day, it’s her choice. You can’t really stop it, especially if she will be going away to school. In my experience, when you push someone to stop smoking, they tend to push away from you. In high school, I lost my best friend after I told her to stop smoking weed. The change has to come from within.</p>
<p>Nothing you can do right now. You are the last person that can get her to stop. </p>
<p>She is feeling her independence, is captain of her ship, is running the show and can do anything she wants and no one can stop her. That about sums it up. She is and will be trying on different personas as she matures. Smoking is still one of those activities that shouts I am invincible and do what I want to. She has no idea how silly she looks.</p>
<p>She will be doing other stuff too that does not please you. Stuff you will be seeing on facebook as long as she gives you access ( which can end at any time).</p>
<p>So state your displeasure. Tell her no smoking at home or in front of her siblings because she is their role model whether she likes it or not. </p>
<p>And then try and forget about it for now. Have your most important rules of life and stick to them. The ultimate pick your battles. </p>
<p>Hang in there. A good friend with many kids once told me to ignore most of what they say and do between 15 and 25. They will come around. It has been the best parenting advice I have ever received.</p>
<p>D2 said she was shocked at the amount of people at her college who smoke. Unfortunately, what we thought was outgrown childhood asthma as reappeared since she arrived in her college town. She couldn’t smoke even if she wanted to, but I am glad she doesn’t want to.</p>
<p>Hope your D comes to the conclusion soon that this is not something she wants to continue. I agree that there is little you can do to make her quit. :(</p>
<p>Key word here is “social”. It is a social experience, and to try to dictate your child’s social activity when she is away at college is going to backfire. You can only hope she realizes how stupid it is to smoke just to be a part of the “in” crowd.</p>
<p>Your best bet is to set clear boundaries at home, and to ask that your D not smoke anywhere around siblings. In addition, ask D not to glorify smoking in her conversation with siblings.</p>
<p>If there are older cousins or friends who have smoked and then quit, they might provide a perspective that you can’t.</p>
<p>How is she paying for it?
Tobacco taxes here are quite high, perhaps imposing an additional " tax" on her, to make it more difficult as long as she is your dependent?</p>
<p>I didn’t smoke at home so I would always have one as I walked from my car to a store. I was looking through a clothing rack at Marshalls/TJMaxx and a little boy next to me asked his mom what was that yucky smell. To this day I am grateful for his innocent, yet brutally honest very loud comment. </p>
<p>Point out to your D women in their 40’s / 50’s who have the upper lip smoking lines. If you highlight older women she may scoff at you and suggest that all old women are wrinkled. If you can, see if you can have her watch the video of the lady who has to talk through the hole in her throat. I think it was a public service announcement.</p>
<p>It is really tough to do, but here is how I did it: I had my last cigarette in the morning. Many suggest skipping this one because your body is already ridding itself of nicotine from overnight, but mentally I could not have handled this. I took cranberry pills (easier than drinking a gallon of juice a day) to help my body rid itself of toxins (starting day before and continuing for 3 more days) I also took a B complex with 250mg of niacin twice a day for 3 days. Niacin is related to nicotine and should help ease your body off of the nicotine. You can get this in very large doses, but I don’t think that is good for you and can be dangerous. I drank 2 Smartwaters and a ton of regular water each day. I found that naps and going to bed early helped pass the time. Find as many distractions as possible and come up with something to refocus her mind on when she is having a strong craving. What I needed to remember was the the short term urge to smoke would pass whether I satisfied that urge or not. I don’t know if it was the method or the timing, but I had only 3 days of medium struggle and then occasional cravings. Don’t let her run any solo errands for you during this time or she WILL find her way to the convenience store…</p>
<p>She has to find the strength from within and then find a way to resist temptations once she is back at school. I am all for financial rewards!</p>
<p>Certainly she knows the dangers, as you said she was one of the “never in a million years will I smoke crowd”. She knows your feelings about it. She doesn’t smoke at home. Therefore there is nothing you can or should do I think…or she will start to avoid you. Try and think of her not as your daughter but as an intelligent person who knows the risks and is responsible for her own life. You can be sad/disappointed/mad inside. It is one of my fears also because I used to smoke and as they were growing up the kids moaned and nagged continually about the health risks. I was finally able to stop and told them I would kill them if they ever started after they made me stop…but you never know!</p>
<p>OP, do you even know how often she smokes? I mean, the Tobacco ads are powerful and all, but if she’s a social smoker who smokes every now and then with friends…the ads won’t do much. It’s not going to be her because she’s not addicted and she won’t be addicted because she isn’t smoke everyday. </p>
<h1>15 - that is not completely correct. Anyone who claims to smoke only “socially” is an addict. She just doesn’t think of herself as one. I think this is what you were saying - did I get this right?</h1>
<p>I quit when they were $.65 a pack, which was about 37 years ago. I thought that if I quit, my boyfriend would.
I married him anyway. He has tried to quit several times, this most current time seems to be the easiest for him.</p>
<p>My observation of why he smoked was that he perceived it as something that he wanted to do, that he knew he shouldn’t do. Yes that is immature, but I find we often do things for poor reasons.
He also used it as an excuse to take breaks throughout the day.
It wasn’t necessarily acceptable, to take a ten minute break every few hours and get a snack or put your feet up, but it was to have a cigarette.
It was taking a break that was relaxing, not the tobacco, as nicotine will actually increase tension.</p>
<p>There also have been many studies about the link between nicotine and schizophrenia.
Not saying this is the case for your daughter, but it does often manifest in early adulthood and it may help her to speak to a therapist who can help her develop other stress relieving strategies.</p>
<p>You can’t really push someone to stop successfully. It really needs to be their choice, as they more you push, the more they will resist. You can set up parameters to protect your home and other children though, as you have already done.</p>
<p>My H has an addictive brain, so it was much harder for him to quit than it was for me. I just decided to stop, and so I did. However, I didn’t get the dopamine rush in the first place that made smoking addictive. I smoked socially and to have something to do with my hands.</p>
<p>But you rarely see anyone smoke now.
In fact my husband ( who is still in the first month of his current withdrawal), was actively looking for someone to bum a cigarette from during our latest camping trip.
We ran into several packs of motorcyclists on their way to Eastern Washington and he watched them carefully to see if anyone lit up when they stopped.
But no one did!
If you can’t expect a black leather wearing, Harley riding, scruffy guy to have a pack of cigarettes, where can you find one?</p>
<p>:-S
But I am very proud of him, it was a stressful trip at times, ( I had heat exhaustion and our daughter was in danger from the wildfires), but he didn’t break down and buy a pack.
He also quit drinking years ago, so I know he can do it.</p>
</p>