<p>My sister was accepted to Baylor, which has suddenly become her dream school despite that she has never visited and wasn’t really interested in it until she was accepted (she applied out of the blue because her application was free). I think she’s into the prestige factor since my family lives in Texas, and she’s suddenly become religious which is another thing she likes about Baylor (Baptist university). She’s considering a communications major, which you can do at any school. I’m about to graduate from a state university, and I have been paying my own way through college. Our family had some really tough years financially before I started school, but I still didn’t get much financial aid - I’ve made it through school on federal Stafford loans and a couple of grants, as well as working my butt off to pay rent and bills in an expensive college town. She will be in the same boat as me. Baylor has given her a $5,000 per year scholarship, which isn’t much considering tuition plus dorm would be upwards of $40,000 per year, and she wants to join a sorority which would cost even more.</p>
<p>My parents won’t talk to her about it, and it’s because they’re afraid of her getting angry and upset, which is what happens every time I’ve tried to talk to her about it. She thinks I’m just being controlling, but I’m just trying to help her avoid making an absurdly expensive mistake. She would be graduating with a bare minimum of $100,000 in debt, which I do not believe is worth it for a communications degree when she has other affordable options. I’m graduating with $35,000 in debt, which is scary enough. Honestly, I’m not even sure if she will be able to get enough loans to cover her tuition - my parent’s credit scores are still pretty low and she obviously has no credit. I encountered this problem when trying to get my parents to co-sign on a (very small) loan a couple years ago. </p>
<p>What can I do in this situation? I know it’s her decision to make, but she’s young and naive and I’m afraid she’s going to make a very costly and difficult choice that she can’t yet comprehend. I’m also afraid my parents are going to let this continue until it blows up into a huge disaster. Any advice is very appreciated!</p>
<p>She can’t take out $100k in loans by herself. She will definitely need a co-signer, and if your parents’ credit scores are low, it won’t be possible.</p>
<p>I’m not even sure if she will be able to get enough loans to cover her tuition - my parent’s credit scores are still pretty low and she obviously has no credit. I encountered this problem when trying to get my parents to co-sign on a (very smal</p>
<p>well, she needs to know that she’s going to need qualified cosigners…and she doesnt’ have that.</p>
<p>(1) She and your parents scrape together enough for her first year at Baylor . . . and then she’s forced to drop out when it comes time to pay for the second year.</p>
<p>(2) She can’t even come up with the money for the first year, so she never even starts at Baylor.</p>
<p>Either way, if she really wants to graduate from college, she’ll eventually have to find a more affordable school. There’s no point in you debating this with her. Unless she has a magic money tree growing in the back yard, sooner or later she’s going to have to face reality, whether she wants to or not.</p>
<p>I tell my kids as well as myself that one cannot much control what others will do, but can control much of what oneself will do. So you can tell your sister that she should have some back up schools in case the money does not materialize and give her some suggestion,maybe email them to her. If she ignores you, screams at you, does not act upon the advice, there is nothing more you can do. You can tell your parents what you apparently already have, but if they choose to do and/or say nothing to your sister, take out loans, put themselves in financial troubles due to this, or have it all blow up when the payment cannot be made, again, there is nothing more you can do. You give it a go, and then forget about it. If it doesn’t work out, they are going to feel badly enough without you being sanctimonious about it. Say your piece, or maybe if said enough already, and let it go.</p>
<p>This is all good advice, and things I have tried to tell her. The problem is that she refuses to put on her reality pants and think rationally, and I’m afraid it will turn out as you all have mentioned - she will end up having to leave after her first year already in a lot of debt. I really hope my parents don’t let it get that far but at this point I have no idea. I guess there’s not much I can say or do ultimately, just looking for any possible advice in how to guide her.</p>
<p>Her backup school was her original “dream” school and is much more affordable, but once she got into Baylor I think she sees herself as “better” than that school. I faced these same problems when I was deciding where to go to college - the way too expensive dream school or the more affordable option. I made the right (affordable) choice and ended up exactly where I belong. Wish I could get her to understand that.</p>
<p>I would get her to map out her financial plan. Tell her she owes x her first semester, she can realistically get y in loans, how is she making up the difference. Your job paid you z a month, she might be able to get close to that, does it cover the difference? This way you are giving her numbers that show her why she cannot afford the school.</p>
<p>Sister: the more you try to talk to her, the more she will rebel and yell.
You are not your sister’s keeper.<br>
It is not YOUR problem, it’s your parents and sister’s problem. If your sister won’t listen, then you’ve done your job. All the preaching you do will only upset her more. Coming from you, it will seem more like a taunt. <a href=“See%20what%20I%20did%20and%20what%20you%20can’t%20do!!”>i</a>*</p>
<p>It’s not your problem. If she wants to carry unmanageable debt, it’s not your concern. It “don’t” matter if she drops out because of lack of money. If she really wants to go to school she’ll figure out a way; if not then she’ll be working to pay off her debts. She’ll learn that her stubbornness will cost her A LOT! She needs to become an adult, and you’re not letting her do that.
Leave her alone to fight her own battles because she already does not want to listen to you or have your help. </p>
<p>After a being presented with a bill and not having the money to pay, what is she going to do? Go to the school anyway? Not happening
REALITY BITES! Let her deal with her own problems!</p>
<p>Sit down with your parents and tell them that they have to speak to her. </p>
<p>Write down everything you know…</p>
<p>total cost of the school (include breakdown), </p>
<p>a print out of the NPC from the school, </p>
<p>highlight the shortfall (the amount that would have to get covered by private loans, which need co-signers)</p>
<p>max student loans for each year (5500, 6500, 7500, 7500). Write down that your parents would have to QUALIFY and Co-sign for more debt. If they are rejected for a Plus Loan, then your sister can ONLY borrow $4k more. </p>
<p>Include the policies (the bad news) about what happens if a student leaves a school with an unpaid debt…the student can’t just go on to a CC as if nothing happened. </p>
<p>Explain to them that while your sister may have a meltdown, it will be over in a few days, and then she’ll have time to identify other schools. Maybe they’ll want to do this AFTER Christmas. </p>
<p>Maybe they’re thinking, well if Baylor doesn’t work out, she can go to a CC.</p>
<p>2 kids from my D’s high school class dropped out from Baylor and went to local community colleges after the first semester when they finally realized the financial burden.</p>
<p>In the Spring of their senior year when some classmates tried to puff their chests and brag “how my university is better than yours” they were just not able to be reasonable and make calculations. Too much euphoria and talk who worked “how hard” and deserved “how much”.</p>
<p>1 girl dropped out from TCU after the first semester. The same financial reasons.</p>
<p>The OP is the older sibling. That’s why he/she already knows that the sister won’t be given a lot of FA…and he/she already knows that the parents won’t qualify for loans.</p>
<p>*2 kids from my D’s high school class dropped out from Baylor and went to local community colleges after the first semester when they finally realized the financial burden.</p>
<p>In the Spring of their senior year when some classmates tried to puff their chests and brag “how my university is better than yours” they were just not able to be reasonable and make calculations. Too much euphoria and talk who worked “how hard” and deserved “how much”.</p>
<p>1 girl dropped out from TCU after the first semester. The same financial reasons.
*</p>
<p>This kind of school lunch table stuff really drives some of this. No one wants to be the person who says that they’re going to be commuting to their local CC or state school. Everyone is talking about how cool it will be next year to be in a dorm, away from parents, etc.</p>
<p>You are right on and very logical. However, logic doesn’t always win the day. Why don’t you try to build a bridge by saying you are proud of her? Say any other thing that is true and good about the situation. Then maybe apologize for jumping right to finances. Say you were just trying to protect your mom and dad from having to disappoint. Because you know they won’t be able to help. Sometimes it really helps to address all the emotions before moving on to logic. And then again, sometimes you just have to give people space to learn things the hard way.</p>
<p>Here are a few more ideas. Try:
“Seriously? They only gave you $5000? They don’t know how much you are worth! They don’t deserve you!”
“It stinks to think of you surrounded by kids who have no idea how hard you have to work for your education.”
“The enrollment is 60% women. The only guys you’ll see are driving tanks at Fort Hood.”</p>
<p>Baylor gives really bad financial aid. I am guessing that what will happen is, the financial aid package will arrive. Your sister and parents will be shocked. They will re-evaluate, and either come up with the money, or she sits out for a year because she put all her eggs in Baylor’s financial basket. Sounds like she has not even run the NPC. </p>
<p>My daughter liked Baylor. Her scholarship offer was much bigger. But, she will not end up there. It would be a shock. We are still going through the whole financial aid process, but based on their Net Price Calculator, I am guessing not.</p>
<p>As horrible as this sounds…ok…first…I suspect you are feeling jealous/angry that you have worked so hard and you are having to watch her brag about going to Baylor, when she is not even there yet. And here is the horrible part…it almost will serve her right when she ends up at community college because she did not listen to you. Yeah…I am just petty enough to think/say that. But that is the direction she is headed. </p>
<p>Back off. She will see for herself. She has to see this for herself. You can say to her what I have said…she will end up in community college if she does not at least get some financial back up schools. And if she continues to ignore you, then sit back, and try to hold your tongue later and not say “I told you so” when it happens.</p>
<p>If she won’t listen to you maybe she would be willing to meet with a financial aid advisor. When they say how much she can get and how much she needs maybe sticker shock will set in. She may be more responsive if she hears the situation from the school than from family. It won’t be “personal” anymore, like it is with family.</p>