<p>HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF</p>
<li>Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.</li>
<li>In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”</li>
<li>Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”</li>
<li>If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.</li>
<li>Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.</li>
<li>Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”</li>
<li>Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”</li>
<li>Practice making fax and modem noises.</li>
<li>Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
<li>Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.</li>
<li>Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”</li>
<li>Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.</li>
<li>Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.</li>
<li>Holler random numbers while someone is counting.</li>
<li>Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”</li>
<li>Staple pages in the middle of the page.</li>
<li>Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.</li>
<li>Honk and wave to strangers.</li>
<li>Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.</li>
<li>TYPE IN UPPERCASE.</li>
<li>type only in lowercase.</li>
<li>dont use any punctuation either</li>
<li>Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.</li>
<li>Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
“DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
“What?”
“Never mind, it’s gone now.”</li>
<li>As much as possible, skip rather than walk.</li>
<li>Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.</li>
<li>Ask people what gender they are.</li>
<li>While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.</li>
<li>Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.</li>
<li>Sing along at the opera.</li>
<li>Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.</li>
<li>Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”</li>
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