<p>O.K. this is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I’m not talking a little monkey or some some dancing chimp *****<strong><em>, I mean a *</em></strong>ing orangutan. Don’t ask me how you’re gonna get a ****ing orangutan, that’s not my problem. So the orangutan’s name is Clyde. This is non-negotianable, all orangutans are named Clyde. I don’t know why that is, it’s just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You’re seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and your friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to Wesleyan. “Did you know the guy with the orangutan?”, “You rejected the guy with the orangutan?”, “Why would you not accept a guy with an orangutan?” Next thing you know Wesleyan is calling.</p>
<p>“I’m hoping we can still consider your application. Wanna have an interview sometime?” “Geez I dunno, me and Clyde were going to go to a monster truck race tonight (orangutans love monster trucks). In fact the whole social calender seems kinda full. I tell you what, I’ll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in.” “Oh, well you know our number so don’t be a stra-” “Hey look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde’s making Mojitos’.”</p>
<p>At this point the upper hand is yours. You can let Wesleyan twist in the wind, you can draw it back into you life at the pace you decide. Whatever, it’s your life. But if you’re a smart man? You slowly phase it back in. You’re emailing. You’re talking on the phone. You get invited to recruitment events. You bring Clyde, he becomes like one of the family. You’re one big Brady Bunch.</p>
<p>Then the orangutan ****s the recruitment officer’s mother.</p>