I am helping the brother-in-law throw a milestone birthday party for my sister. It is also somewhat of a housewarming party for their new lake place. I would like to place some wording on the invitation that gifts are not expected or required. However, I know that some invitees will want to bring a gift. So how do I kindly suggest that guests that do want to bring a gift bring either a beach towel or perhaps a bottle of wine. There is a passle of young adults in their blended family and they constantly have boyfriends/girlfriends/friends and friends of friends at their place, so the beach towels will be quite useful and the wine is just something that she enjoys and likes to share with friends and family. Thoughts on the best way to convey this message?
Personally I think mentioning any gifts = gift expected. I would leave it as no gifts, knowing some people will still show up with something.
On the one hand I feel like you have to pick a side - either donât say anything about gifts and let them fall where they may or request âno gifts needed/necessaryâ.
Here are some suggestions of wording for âno giftsâ - maybe you can adjust one of these if you want to to address the beach towels/wine.
(But beach towels at a lake house is a GREAT house warming gift!)
Miss Manners would say gifts should never be mentioned on an invitation. You could say something like, please bring a favorite memory to share as your gift to the birthday girl. If anyone specifically asks what to bring, you can say sister is stocking her wine cellar and beach towel collection.
I donât know if expected is right, but that seems to end up being the outcome.
Here is what ChatGPT has to say 
"We are thrilled to invite you to celebrate [Sisterâs Name]'s milestone birthday and their delightful new lake home! This special day is all about joy, company, and making beautiful memories together.
As we gather to toast to new beginnings and cherished moments, your presence is the most wonderful gift we could ask for. Please know that gifts are not expected or required.
However, for friends who feel inclined to contribute to the lake houseâs warmth and joy, we welcome you to consider the gift of a beach towel or a bottle of wine. These thoughtful tokens will surely enhance the many sunny days and cozy evenings ahead.
We look forward to celebrating with you and creating unforgettable memories at their lovely new lakeside retreat!"
Honestly, not too bad. You could remove the part about the gifts, or leave it if you are looking to stock up the house. Iâm unlikely to show up empty handed and would certainly prefer to give useful.
When I first got married and didnât have any xmas decorations, we would have a xmas party and ask guests to bring an ornament for the tree. It was something small and it was fun. The collection amassed over a few years is eclectic to say the least, but the kids in particular always loved our wacky xmas tree. Its also fun to remember who the ornaments came from when we pull them out of the box each year.
I actually love the thought of a beach towel or wine gift! I think it has to be one or the other. I would leave out the gifts nit e pe ted part and word it like that chat did on the other post. I think it would be fun to bring a beach towel.
If I get an invitation that mentions , however casually, that there is a preferred gift, I assume the âno giftâ policy is just being polite and I am expected to bring a gift. And, youâve told me what that gift should be. Eeew. So I favor either say no gifts and mean it, or say â please bring the birthday girl a bottle of your favorite wine or a beach blanket for the house"
Here are some suggestions:
- No gift (keep in mind some people will still bring a gift)
- Gifts are not required/expected (we did something along this line for my stepfatherâs 90th birthday). He did still get some gifts, which were mostly potted plants, bottles of wine, boxes of chocolates. A lot of people also just gave cards.
- Say something like âyour prescense is a gift.â
If you donât mention gifts, maybe people will ask about them when they RSVP. At that point, you could say that gifts are not expected but if they feel the need to bring something, a beach towel or wine would be welcomed.
If you say âno giftsâ at any point, please donât have a designated table for gifts. Just quietly place them in a room away from everyone. To display them in any way would result in people who believed the no gifts words feeling like they should have brought one. And donât open them at the party!
This is how my kid worded their invitations
Please, no gifts! Your presence is the best gift you could bring
Although I do like the idea of beach towels or wine, I guess I like the idea of no gifts.
Itâs so difficult to request only certain items.
We recently threw a big open house for our 45th anniversary and my XXth birthday. We added, âNo gifts, pleaseâ at the end. Virtually everyone brought wine, champagne, or flowers.
We said no gifts for Hâs last milestone bday party but he got some wine, leis, gift cards, and milestone gifts (hats & tshirts referencing the milestone).
We attended a big party milestone party recently that also said no gifts. We did bring a bottle of wine, as we just donât like to show up empty handed. Everyone else brought a bottle of wine too, lol.
I think the invitation should just say no gifts, or anything else that makes clear that a gift is not expected. If this is a new vacation home, I think itâs a bit tacky to ask for any kind of gift, tbh. Undoubtedly, a number of people will at least turn up with a bottle of wine, flowers, or a token.
Or ask when they RSVP âHey, do you need anything for the house?â âIs there a theme for the beach house?â âDo you have an outdoor BBQ area?â
But I say donât say anything. Not âno giftsâ or âbring a towelâ. Just leave it a mystery.
Have you thought about calling this a âBeach Towelâ gathering to celebrate sisterâs birthday and housewarming? I love the idea of a beach towel party and it could turn out to be a fun entertainment as each party shows their choice of towel to them. Many will bring wine anyway.
This is reminding me of a 90th birthday celebration I went to a few years ago. The invite clearly said no gifts - what could she possibly need at that age. I abided by the rules, and was shocked to see a table full of gifts when I arrived. It was at a restaurant and fully catered - food and wine (so no need for a hostess gift).
Iâve been to some of those partiesâwhere it said no gifts but everyone was bringing gifts and I frantically wrote a check and was offered and envelope at reception table. I really wish people mean what they write on invitation!
I think this is not a fault of the party givers but the party goers. Some people just CANâT arrive without an item. Donât shoot the messenger! (the ones that say âno giftsâ on the invite!)
I am quite impressed by this AI result - it did a really good job
I find it funny how people literally canât show up empty handed. If an invitation says âno giftsâ then no gifts are wanted or needed. I try to respect that, once people hit a certain age, they no longer want or need anything.