<p>Not an angry letter, precisely…more like a “please watch your kids before they get into an accident” type of thing. </p>
<p>When I was driving back home today, I saw one of the neighbors’ kids on his bike zigzagging across the street. This kid is around four or five so he’s small and already hard to spot. I slowed down to around 5mph and the kicker is that when he saw me, he started biking <em>towards</em> me with his head bent down like he was about to charge. I immediately stopped the car and he turned back around and zigzagged to the end of the cul-de-sac. When he turned back around he just started riding in the middle of the road as fast as he could.</p>
<p>No parents, no anything. His helmet wasn’t even fastened correctly. I just graduated and get that this complaint might make me the stuffiest high school senior ever to walk the planet, but this has happened SEVERAL times already and I feel like something bad will happen if somebody doesn’t speak up. I already drive super slow down my street; nobody else does. When the mail truck or UPS guy comes, does this little boy’s parents expect them to see him? Every time he’s on the road he rides like a maniac, and our street is narrow to begin with. </p>
<p>I really don’t think that a child that young should be riding around unsupervised (especially when he bikes like THAT) but I don’t know how to tell his parents. Should I write an anonymous letter and slip it in their mailbox? Or knock on their door and talk to them in person? </p>
<p>Yes,do tell the parents! Good for you for being concerned. But don’t express any anger or criticism toward them or you might make them defensive, which could prevent your message from getting through. Parents tend not to like feeling judged. So frame it as, “Just thought you might want to know something I’ve noticed.” Then describe what you’ve witnessed without criticizing them or their child. Emphasize the part about the drivers–how so many people drive crazy, speeding down the street and he’s so little and so amazingly agile and speedy on his bike that you’re worried these drivers might not see him. Offer up more details and suggestions once they seem open to a conversation.</p>
<p>If I were you, I’d talk to them in person. You will have to be diplomatic- not come across as blaming them for being bad parents, but let them know you’re just worried about him.
Do you know the mom or dad at all? I’d probably want to talk to the mom, mostly because I’m a mom and think I could relate, but maybe you won’t have a choice if you just knock on the door. In any case, I’d be kind of humble (" I’m really sorry to bring this up, but I don’t think I could live with myself if something happened to Johnnie and I didn’t say anything.") and let them know that you drive slowly, watch for him and you still have to work to avoid hitting him. You’re concerned that others will not be so careful. Don’t mention the helmet, or that you don’t think a kid that age should be riding alone (blaming them)- just say that he’s very tiny and hard to see when he’s buzzing around on his bike and you’re concerned. You could say that he rides in the middle of the street and doesn’t seem to pay attention to the cars that are near him or try to avoid them, and you thought they should know. </p>
<p>They will probably be a bit stunned and taken aback, and may even be somewhat hostile. I’d still do it. Just don’t go on and on- say what you want to say, and then leave, with a “I hope this was helpful. I don’t want to get Johnnie in trouble- just want him to stay safe.” Good luck. You sound like a good person and concerned citizen. We need more of those!</p>
<p>Thanks for both your replies! I’ll try to find a time this week to talk to them. Unfortunately, they live on the opposite end of the road and I don’t know the family too well, so I don’t know how they’ll take the news. That kind of makes me want to send a letter to avoid any possible confrontation. Do you think it would be okay if I wrote a short, tactful letter mentioning my concerns? </p>
<p>But it’s true that talking to them in person would be better. Hopefully I can catch them when they’re out in the garden or something. I’ll be sure to mention his small stature and speedy riding and general conditions on our street, and avoid broaching anything sticky. </p>
<p>Would it be a good idea for me to bring a gift card to a store he might like? Or some sort of baked goods? I’m hoping for it to be a peace offering but I don’t want it to come across as a bribe…</p>
<p>Thanks again! I really appreciate the suggestions. </p>
<p>I agree that talking to them in person would be better than writing a letter. I wouldn’t bring a gift of any sort, though. And if things improve, I’m sure they’d appreciate a follow up visit.</p>
<p>In person. No letters. It’s actually much more casual seeming and less threatening when communicating in person, but more important, you know the message will be received. You never know if a letter is read or not, or by whom. I’ve always found that if something is important enough to be said, it’s important enough to be sure it’s received. </p>
<p>No gift cards or gifts. You don’t need to apologize or feel guilty! You’re doing a good thing, and a favor to them and to the little boy. My bet is that even if they are a bit put off at first., it will be temporary. Probably more embarrassed than mad. Or they may be outwardly appreciative! You never know. I’m still often surprised by people, in both directions. ;-)</p>
<p>I used to tell my kids (and later, nieces and nephews) that it’s hard for big cars to see little people. That seemed to communicate the message without insulting either party.</p>
<p>I agree. Do not write a letter. Speak to the parents in person. Express that you’re looking out for the safety of their child and make them aware of their child’s actions. </p>
<p>In my neighborhood, we’ve had a lot of run in with poorly supervised children and teenagers. Best thing we’ve found with reoccurring problems is to post it in the neighborhood newsletter, website, and neighborhood message board. </p>
<p>There was this one time I was driving home and a teenage boy was riding his skateboard right on the corner. The corner is known for blindspots. When I saw him, I slowed down immediately, but he looked at me and stayed in the middle of the street doing God knows what kind of tricks. I sped right past him. Kid will learn soon enough. </p>
<p>Another day, three children all under the age of maybe six were playing on the speed bumps. No parents. When a truck came up, they didn’t have a car in the world. Good thing the driver gave them a good yelling. He probably scared them off as I have not seen them outside since. </p>
<p>Parents really need to watch their children. That or teach their children not to be “playing” where they’ll get killed. </p>
<p>Make up a story about when you were younger and riding your bike recklessly and nearly had a bad accident, and say that you saw their kids recently and that they reminded you of yourself in that dangerous situation. You’re doing this out of concern for the kids. Not to appear to be a superior person. If that approach doesn’t get the message received, then it’s not going to be received. </p>
<p>I agree that talking to them is a lot better. And try to keep it light, because people can get testy when their parenting is put on the line, deservedly or not. </p>
<p>If you see the kid out unsupervised, again, call the police. </p>
<p>I like Countingdown’s “it’s hard for big cars to see little people” line. Short, sweet and to the point. You don’t want it to get into a discussion. Say what you observe and bid the neighbor good day.</p>
<p>Agree with the face to face, and stay positive. But I wouldnt make up anything. Just speak in “I” terms, ie “I am concerned…” I am a young driver and would not want to hit a small child I cannot see…" “I wanted to be sure you knew your son was riding randomly in the middle of the road at the opposite end of the neighborhood…” etc. YOU have NOTHING to apologize for. NO gifts for them or the kid. Your gift is your kindness and concern.</p>
<p>I would do both the face-to-face with the kid (be stern and scare the crap out of him) and go to the parents and make it all about your concern that other drivers may not be as observant as you are. Please do it as soon as possible. When I was a kid, a neighbor kid got hit and died riding his bike…and we were in a cul-de-sac.</p>
<p>The kid is 4 or 5. Yelling at him/scaring him can backfire. Could end up with angry parents being unwilling to listen to your concern if the kid came home crying that some neighbor in a car scared or threatened him.</p>
<p>I would memorize 3 or 4 lines to say to the parents, make it about you, not them. Like jym626 said, they can’t argue with “I am concerned, I am a young driver and I would not want to hit a small child I cannot see.”</p>
<p>Parental response could range from “thanks for letting us know, we will make changes” to “who are you to tell us how to parent our child?” Their response is not your concern, you are feeling the need to give them information but you can’t be responsible for what they do/don’t do once they are informed.</p>
<p>Think of an ending phrase that would cover any response. Use it as you are walking away. “I just wanted you to know” or something like that.</p>
<p>Love countingdown’s phrase “it’s hard for big cars to see little people”. </p>
<p>Not sure you are old enough to “scare” the kid with a nasty talk. I would bring in your parents to be more impressive in the authority department. If your family knows a policeman or other authority person, contacting them and asking for a favor would make more of an impression. Can you imagine the parents’ response to a police car pulling into their driveway and a policeman telling them about their kid riding in the middle of the street?</p>
<p>I would just go over and describe exactly what happened:</p>
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<p>And SMILE. Keep it light. Don’t say anything about his helmet or parenting or whether he was being watched. Don’t sound judgmental or self-righteous or like YOU know how to parent and they don’t. Don’t forget that it is quite possible that he was under the care of a babysitter at that time or that he was supposedly taking a nap while his mom napped or whatever: they will know. They will deal with it. </p>
<p>Thanks so much for all your responses! I’m going to go over soon and try talking to them. I might try to wait until he’s actually out on his bike again this afternoon so that I can point up the street and have them observe his biking habits, so to speak. And I won’t bring any gifts, just myself (but if it keeps on happening then I’ll have my parents discuss this with them, although hopefully it won’t be necessary). </p>
<p>Thanks again for all your advice! There were a lot of great suggestions and I have a pretty good idea of what to say now. </p>