<p>Ah, yes; sounds like my mother. She is 85 and thinks that she can care for herself. She can’t. She wants to die in her house, and a few years ago, nearly got her wish; she fell in her living room, couldn’t get back up, and was on the floor for about five days. An alert neighbor noticed something was wrong and called 911.</p>
<p>Mentally, she’s mostly all there, when she is hydrated and has been eating well. When she’s not, she slips into paranoia. She has spent most of the past few years in and out of hospitals and care facilities. She’s used up her lifetime insurance allowance, so care is now coming out of her pocket. She’s tight with her money, so has sometimes signed herself out of a facility against medical care, only to wind up back in the hospital after a fall or other problem. Some care facilities in the area have blacklisted her – they will not take her again. Financially, I suspect she’d be much better off if she had sold her home and moved into an assisted-care facility.</p>
<p>Unfortunately for her, she alienated her surviving children long ago. Her old-age plans included having her youngest child remain at home his whole life so he could care for her, and she did what she could to cripple his independence and undermine his sense of self-worth. It worked; he did indeed remain at home his whole life. She didn’t plan on his early exit from this mortal coil, however; he died 13 years ago. She never developed a workable alternative plan.</p>
<p>My in-laws retired to a graduated care community in another state years ago. My MIL passed away this January after several years of infirmity. My FIL is in excellent health, but has made all possible arrangements for his care and his wishes known to both his sons.</p>
<p>My husband and I will take his parents rather than mine as an example of how to plan for our elderly selves.</p>
<p>“Ah, yes; sounds like my mother. She is 85 and thinks that she can care for herself. She can’t. She wants to die in her house, and a few years ago, nearly got her wish; she fell in her living room, couldn’t get back up, and was on the floor for about five days. An alert neighbor noticed something was wrong and called 911”</p>
<p>That is how my mother died. I had offered to get her one of those “I’ve fallen and can’t get up” devices, but she refused. I was sick, so hadn’t checked on her in several days. </p>
<p>A neighbor of mine died a similar way. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, H’s parents insisted on moving upon their retirement to the top of a hill in rural W. Virginia. When H and I suggested that they take into consideration their probably decreasing mobility and the difficulty of getting to medical care, they told us to mind our own business. We had suggested that they move closer to us.</p>
<p>WHen they moved back “home”, they had some elderly relatives nearby. Now, those people have either died or moved to be closer to their kids, so H’s parents are very isolated, lonely and depressed.</p>
<p>I don’t know why so many people insist on denying the realities of old age, including probable infirmities and disabilities. I hope our Boomer generation will be more realistic about our plans for old age.</p>
<p>Northstarmom: I am not <em>counting</em> on getting any help from my D.D for the reasons you mention, and many others. The point of my statement is simply that intergenerational assistance (logistic, financial, etc) is part of what a family does. We do things for our children, grandchildren and our elder parents. This is normal.</p>
<p>"I would rather die quickly at a relatively young age than to live to be old and linger with a chronic, disabling illness like Alzheimers.</p>
<p>I hear you, but isn’t that sort of like saying, “I’m shooting for 2400 on my SAT’s.” or, “I’m expecting that my son will nap for 2 hours every afternoon.”? This stuff is mostly out of our control. My parents are in one of those 3 levels of care places and it’s the greatest gift they could have given themselves and their children. I’m planning on moving to a place just like it <em>before</em> I need to."</p>
<p>Bethievt, I agree with you. I don’t plan to be like my mom and H’s parents who hung on to staying in their house way past when they should have been living somewhere where they could get help and had fewer responsibilities. </p>
<p>Meanwhile H and I have living wills that says that we don’t want to be kept alive by any extraordinary means. Having that is important, too, to avoid burdening one’s family.</p>
<p>I also have made it known that if it’s possible, I would prefer to spend my last days in a hospice, not in a hospital or at home.</p>
<p>We have a long term health care plan (it doesn’t cover all costs); health care plans we carried over into retirement to supplement Medicare; and we both have Federal government pensions, which go up as inflation increases. Additionally, we have both qualified for Social Security and will qualify for a State of Wisconsin pensions, and we have numerous IRA and deferred compensation plans.</p>
<p>We am not worried, and look forward to a healthy and , hopefully, worry free retirements of many years should we ever decide that it’s time to stop working. I expect to be on this job possibly until I’m 70, then maybe on to my third career.</p>
<p>Yes, we’ve done the living wills, as have my parents. My in-laws at least had wills, but the dying part, it seemed like they couldn’t see realistically. Or that once you really need care, you can’t get into the best places anymore. Or that in-home care is a house of cards that can collapse at any moment.</p>
<p>Some one mentioned possibly wasting money on a long term care plan, there is at least one plan from a reputable company that allows you to EITHER have health benefits or, if those are not used, a life insurance benefit at the end. If an oldster puts in a lump sum, say $100,000, into the plan, they are guaranteed to have at least that $100k as a death benefit. Seems like a smart option.</p>