How would I make this sentence more politically correct or apt for my college app?

College Essays
1

<p>“I was Asian and bright, but not bright enough to join all the other Asians on the Academic and Math teams.”</p>

<p>The Academic and Math teams were quite honestly 90% Asian at my middle school.</p>

<p>In context, my essay is about finding an identity for myself during middle school. The sentence before this one was: "I was weak, small-boned and short, so I couldn’t go out for the football team. "</p>

<p>Could I add a parenthetical note? I.E.: (Only three students on the teams were not Asian)</p>

<p>Or, how could I word the sentence better?</p>

<p>In case it helps, my essay is about defying the stereotypes of my ethnicity.</p>

<p>Thank you for your time.</p>

2

<p>I don’t think it’s too bad as is.</p>

<p>Maybe change it to something along the lines of “I was Asian and bright, but I wasn’t cut out to be part of the 90% Asian academic and math teams.”</p>

<p>I think a parenthetical note would be unnecessary in this context; just try to work it into the sentence naturally.</p>

3

<p>I think it’s fine as-is. Asians are stereotypically smart and it gives the reader a sense that you really were an outsider (assuming thats what youre going for)</p>

4

<p>I would cut the second bright, to make it read “I was Asian and bright, but not enough to join all the other Asians on the Academic teams.”</p>

<p>Makes the parallelism a little stronger.</p>

5

<p>I just have a hunch that the argument AGAINST being Asian has been done a number of times too much already…</p>

<p>Not meaning to put down your topic, but teenagers and rebelling seem to be quite commonplace.</p>

6

<p>Lulz, perhaps.</p>

<p>But I’m the only sponsored Asian skateboarder that’s not an idiot that I’ve ever met. Actually, I’m the only sponsored Asian skateboarder I’ve ever met, period…</p>

<p>There is a relatively small Asian population where I live, though.</p>

<p>Thanks for the criticisms, people!</p>