<p>My friend’s parents are throwing him a huge party for his golden birthday. She wants to invite her two best friends (who have played a big role in her son’s life, which I will refer to as friend 1 and friend 2) however the two do not get along. A week ago, friend 1 had an affair with friend 2’s husband and neither of them talk and both hate each other. All three were best friends before the situation. My friends mom wants to invite them both because they are very close friends and played a big role in the boys life, but it would be a very awkward situation. What would you do as my friend’s mom?</p>
<p>Just to be clear, you mean that your friend’s mother knows about the affair between friend 1 and friend 2’s husband? If so, your friend’s mother is clearly looking for a drama-filled evening if she intends to invite both. Sadly, the focus will not be your friend’s birthday. IMO, your friend’s mother is off her rocker if she invites them both to the same event. If she decides to invite one only, she should invite the one who didn’t betray her spouse and her friend.</p>
<p>On the other hand, sometimes it makes sense for people who have unfortunate issues between them to be invited to the same event – and maybe even to attend. One would hope that in such situations, they would behave like the adults they are.</p>
<p>At the time of our wedding, my husband and I both had divorced parents, and three of our four parents had remarried. My parents spoke to each other only when necessary; his hadn’t spoken since their divorce three years earlier. Some of our parents despised the their former spouse’s second wife or husband even more than they despised their former spouse. Moreover, my mother and his father had been involved in business dealings that did not go well and weren’t speaking to each other, either. </p>
<p>What were we supposed to do? Not invite some of our parents or stepparents to the wedding because they would have to be in the presence of people who made them uncomfortable? We invited all of them. They all showed up. They all stood around and looked awkward for two hours. This is what adults do. Everyone survived.</p>
<p>Anyone who has an affair with a friend’s husband should be avoided. It is a cruel thing to do to a friend. And no, I don’t care what the “reason” was. If the marriage was that miserable, husband should have been seeking a divorce, not a bedpartner.</p>
<p>Mom is missing the point…it’s the kids birthday, (assuming a kid…) and I’m sure he would not be too heartbroken to only have his generation in attendance. If indeed these two women are special, a separate dinner out with each of them might be the better solution.</p>
<p>Both friend 1 and friend 2 were aware of the party before the incident and were active party planners. How do you break it to them that one shouldn’t go?</p>
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I don’t wish to appear rude, but is this a real situation? If so, I’m pretty sure a mother whose primary concern should be for her son to enjoy his birthday party could resolve this easily enough. She needs to tell Friend 1 to stay home. I wouldn’t find it at all difficult to tell her.</p>
<p>Wow, never heard of a “golden birthday” before–had to google it.</p>
<p>If Mom doesn’t care about the moral issues involved, my take is always: Invite them both, don’t get in the middle. Each can make her own decision about whether to attend.</p>
<p>Of course, if these were my “friends”, the one who had the affair with the other’s husband would have been ostracized immediately.</p>
<p>So what age are we talking here for birthday and how big is this party that it took three wedding planners?</p>
<p>Hundreds of people? Dozens?</p>
<p>And are the husband who cheated and his wife doing okay? She mat not even want to go if the affair is suddenly everyones business…</p>
<p>And they had an assignation a week ago, or it just came to light and it’s been an ongoing thing. And how in the world does everybody know? These are questions that can determine the course of action regarding invites.</p>
<p>What does affair mean? Sex? One time? Dozens of times? People mess up. Then husband is equally guilty, if you Are going the moral path, he should be uninvited as well.</p>
<p>Otherwise, not the hosts business.</p>
<p>OP’s friend is 31 or under, if OP knows about the affair, it must be public knowledge. </p>
<p>I would invite both and let them decide if they want to be there.</p>
<p>I went to an intimate dinner party where a guest’s wife and mistress were both there. The wife found out about the mistress at the parrty.</p>
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<p>Inviting them both will automatically put her squarely in the middle whether she wants to be there or not.</p>
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<p>Dang it. My golden birthday went by and I was completely oblivious to it. I never had a chance; I was only 2 years old at the time.</p>
<p>My friend is 23 and I believe the party will have around 50 people (He is also enlisted in the military and is leaving in September).</p>
<p>I overheard my friend’s parents talking about it and we both know the parties involved with the affair, which to be fair, they only had sex once or twice (to my knowledge). </p>
<p>Friend’s mom doesn’t want to take sides and wants to discuss this issue after the party.</p>
<p>This is crazy.
Mom should do a practice run- invite those two women to lunch and see how much they enjoy each other’s company. Maybe invite the philandering husband, too. And the other guy, if #1 is married. If she is as close to these women as OP suggests, she should be close enough (and respectful and caring enough) to consider how hurtful the situation is. Some party idea.</p>
<p>This affair only happened a week ago?
I think expecting them to be in the same room and being cordial is way too premature.</p>
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Same here - I’ve never heard the term before or heard of anyone doing something special just because the yearly birthday happens to be on the same date of the month they were born.</p>
<p>This is your friend’s mom’s decision. If it were me, I would alert friend 1 and friend 2 that they are both invited to the event. If they both come, they will need to remember the reason for the party.</p>
<p>You can’t disinvite her and still invite the husband. He is just as guilty</p>
<p>Just invite both, act oblivious</p>
<p>WhT this is everyones business is bizarre, why does everybody know?</p>
<p>An older cousin encountered a similar situation when he and his now wife had to decide on wedding invitations. </p>
<p>This involved three of their friends from college/early post-college life. </p>
<p>Two were a married couple until there was an affair with the third friend. Once the divorce went through, the friends involved in the affair married.* </p>
<p>Newly single divorced friend and the now married couple had mutual contempt/hatred for each other. Did I mention the wedding was to take place only a few months after this was all played out. </p>
<p>Older cousin and his now wife decided to invite all of them on the assumption that they’re all mature adults and that they’re responsible for their own behavior. </p>
<p>Fortunately, they were vindicated in this case as all 3 decided the tensions were such that they all opted to send their regrets and not show up. </p>
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<li>Knew them all pretty well myself through that older cousin. Especially considering they acted like surrogate older brothers/sister to me right after I graduated college and moved to their area. I was pretty sad for the one victimized by the affair and lost much respect for those involved…especially considering they were much older than me.</li>
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