How you know when you are dealing with an abusive relationship?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>When my D broke up with her boyfriend I felt devastated because he was part of my family, but as days go by, I’m finding out lately that the relationship wasn’t as healthy as it was before. How could I did not notice that?</p>

2

<p>Hm, the thread title is a valid question, but the question at the end of your post is pretty much rhetorical.
To answer the thread title: if your daughter ever comes home from dates sad, you should talk to her about it. Even now, talk to her and allow her to open up about it. Communication!
Note: don’t tell your daughter that you’re devastated that she broke up with her boyfriend, or that you still consider him a part of your family. Be on her side 100%–make this about her health and happiness and don’t get overly attached to her significant others in the future, unless they are getting engaged or something</p>

3

<p>I think you didn’t notice because he was “on his best behavior” when you were around. The behavior patterns that prompted her to break up with him – being overly controlling or talking down to her or whatever other bad habits he may have fallen into – were probably most evident when they were alone together.</p>

4

<p>Cressmom, read back over the other thread about boyfriends:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=246660&highlight=psychologically+abusive[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=246660&highlight=psychologically+abusive&lt;/a&gt;
While the girls are involved in these relationships, they often “cover” for the guy. It’s my belief that:

  1. They want to believe the best, so don’t want to destroy his “image” with their parents
  2. They don’t want to admit to even themselves that they are allowing themselves to be treated in this way</p>

<p>As I said on that other thread, my daughter didn’t tell us how bad the relationship was until she had broken it off. We suspected, but she adamantly denied. I will say, I think she learned many things from relationship and will never allow herself to be treated in that way again. In fact, she probably needs to mellow a little now–she’s somewhat gun shy and tends to look for signs that may not even be there. In time, I think she will come to a happy medium.</p>