<p>Faline2,
I appreciate the cushion you are providing to my words…I do not come here often enough to be a master of all the options available, perhaps I should have sent it as a personal email… frankly take Andi and Andison out of my comments and the comments are true for any parent and any situation involving our kids and any big disappointment that we are confronted with…I started right off the bat by saying take the personal out of it…it is a big business, this college app stuff…and it starts long before even in high school…we do not know a lot of details about any of our kids… when we went to a counselor with our child, she focused only on his strengths…when I asked if she wanted to review those areas where he was weak…she said NO…now is the time to package the best about him…</p>
<p>it is because we want the best for our kids that we even visit here and post here and when I see someone butting their head up against the same wall over and over…and they can’t see the door in the wall that is 3 feet away I can’t help but try to lend insight… </p>
<p>my biggest concern is that they haven’t done anything yet to replace their disappointment with something positive? something to be excited about…however, perhaps this is the only venue for the disappointment? What are the stages of grief? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. There is a great article on the web about this…kind of saying that Kubler-Ross got the list from an older methodology; the 5 Stages of receiving Catastropic News… here is the link to the article:</p>
<p>the net is that it indicates that the work after grief starts with acceptance and investing in the new reality…which is all I really want for Andi and Andison…</p>
<p>I guess, posting on public forums exposes anyone to a Monday morning therapist/quarterback…my comments were meant for Andi and I probably should have sent them just to her.</p>
<p>Since they have already made up their minds to begin anew, I am very confident that Andison can and will be able to dream a new dream. Dreaming the new dream has to begin with a new plan.</p>
<p>Looking at the calendar, I see that the days are flying. Since Andison is not going to be a student at the H.S. next year, I would really look into securing new teacher/GC rec’s now as he does not want to be something that they get around to doing.</p>
<p>I would also talk to GC as far as gathering his information (her rec’s transcripts, proof og graduation) together, and placing it in a special file so that GC can have stuff done and ready to send out at a moment’s notice. </p>
<p>I also agree that Andison should have a rolling admissions app ready to send the first available date in September. This way he has school under the belt as way to build his confidence. Having a few EA/ ID schools would not hurt him either.</p>
<p>maineparent and faline2 - I think you both have such very valid points. It is soon for andi and andison to have gotten beyond the disappointment, even the shock. And, maineparent, really the only disagreemnt I have with your very wise post is your statement that 3 months of the gap year are gone. Really none is gone yet, as I would think of a gap year as starting end of June earliest.</p>
<p>But I think you have spoken eloquently when you say
All of us who have felt and continue to feel compelled to speak to andi want the best for her and andison. I hope, andi, you know that our empathy and affection are unfailing, if at times unspoken. It is our strong desire to help you and andison find that door in the wall that sometimes means taking risks in what we suggest.</p>
<p>My personal biggest fear for andison is that he will continue to feel that he cannot be happy anywhere but at a handful of uber-selective schools. <em>There, I’ve said it.</em> </p>
<p>I don’t see any reason why he shouldn’t be accepted at such a school next time around, but then there wasn’t any reason that he shouldn’t have been accepted this last time. If he opens himself to what he doesn’t already know, whether it be a different geography, a school without <em>lots</em> of kids with his music interest, but <em>just enough</em> of them, he is bound to find schools which are sure bets and which he will love. He <em>needs</em> these sure bets come rolling/early admission time, imho. He can shoot for the stars, should he want to, after that.</p>
<p>Hi Maineparent:
Your link to the article on stages of grief has some apt and interesting points and I enjoyed reading about the applications of Kubler-Ross’s early constructs to other tough challenges in life. (She bought a farm in my state in her last years, and her work really had great impact.) If my post felt like “exposure to Monday morning therapist/quarterback” it might be because I used to earn a living as a licensed therapist (sorry!), not that that entitles me to much except a framework… Good-hearted people sometimes urge Acceptance on others a bit early, when states of fluxuating between disbelief and bargaining and loss are quite to be expected, quite normal, and time-tables for moving through this are varied. I don’t expect an 18 year old to have found that surge of energy that comes with Acceptance when he is still likely writing thank you notes for graduation gifts and still absorbing the recent news that waitlists didn’t work out for him…it is just too much to expect in June.<br>
You are of course right that getting to Acceptance will release all that emotional energy to the Gap Year plan and to some great new life experience, and I am sure that your thoughts were entirely kindly in urging him to get there as soon as possible.</p>
<p>Andi: I too was sorry to hear that the WL results did not turn out as you and Andison had hoped for. I offer up 2 suggestions, FWIW, and please bear with me if these have been offered previously; I haven’t read all of the Andison threads in detail. First, it sounds as though Andison may still be interested in applying for the Swat class of 2010, yet there seems to be some Swat Adcom bashing going on in these threads. I’ve seen suggestions on CC that Adcoms at certain schools read CC posts; don’t know if this is true, but since Andison presumably would be easily identifiable (e.g., WL student who sent 6 additional rec. letters, etc.), it might be advisable to refrain from badmouthing Swat’s Admissions Office, understandable though it might be to want to do so.
Along those same lines, I think I recall having read in one of your initial “what went wrong” posts a statement that made clear that Swat, and not Andison’s other 2 wl schools, was his top choice. Again, perhaps too much info being shared on CC. Maybe; maybe not. Just thinking out loud.
Second, it seems clear from Andison’s list that he’s interested in small LAC’s. If he’s willing to broaden his list on the next go-round, perhaps he might consider Michigan - solid in academics and music. Perhaps equally important, given this year’s unfortunate events, it has a wonderful rolling admissions process. If Andison were able to get his application in by Labor Day - which I assume would not be difficult, he could hear well before Thanksgiving. Perhaps that would help to take off some of the pressure that no doubt will surface when he starts going through this process the second time around.<br>
In any case, wishing you and Andison nothing but the best with the gap year and re-application process.</p>
<p>schoolmarm, I have been thinking the exact same things that you wrote, but was too afraid to post. This thread is just an ultra-sensitive one. I agree about the adcoms - that crossed my mind several times. I also thought about Michigan - one can’t help thinking about it when it comes to rolling admissions. I would also like to add Northwestern. I wish Andi and her son all the best. Everything will work out.</p>
<p>One thing I would suggest on the constructive note:</p>
<p>We know of a friend in one of D’s e.c.'s who also just graduated h.s… She is purposefully taking a gap year to study her music more! Wonderful opportunity to polish one of her musical areas. (She has at least a couple.) Her intention is to spend this yr. putting her performance attributes together so that (in her case) her musical performance college apps are the best they can possibly be.</p>
<p>So, even though I assume andi will not be majoring in music (perhaps I assume too much), it could be quite beneficial to put together an outstanding tape as the fruit of the kind of practice time he never would have had in his sr. yr. in h.s. Any any musical opportunities this yr could be exploited: special recitals – including donated recitals for events.</p>
<p>Schoolmarm: I was just about to suggest a really, really early app to Michigan, too. I think Andison would be a shoe-in, their music department is wonderful, and he could have an answer by the end of October (S sent his in mid-Sept last yr, got admitted then.) It’s a fantastic town for music lovers, the honors program shrinks the school, and after all, he’d still have all his other applications to look forward to. It really made S’s senior yr worry-free, and I can imagine that this would be even more comforting in a gap year.</p>
<p>Same with Indiana. He would get into the honors college, which is wonderful. It is a fun university and he would have his acceptance by October.</p>
<p>Andi: Another vote here for a very early app to Michigan. A great school with great performance opportunities for your son. And having that very early admission (with, Im sure, given his great stats, an invitation to the Honor Programs) in pocket by Thanksgiving will be pure bliss! </p>
<p>And while I agree that your son’s list ought to be rethought, retooled, and expanded to include more matches and several well-chosen safeties (Michigan could certainly be one) I dont think he needs to systematically exclude from his list every school that was on last years list. As so many have said, rejections, although they can be deeply painful, are not personal; they are part of each schools effort to craft a class. So if, after due deliberation, your son finds several of last years choices still meet his criteria, I would encourage him to reapply. And anecdotally, I know four kids (including my own, who is transferring) who, after one year at another college or a gap year after high school, were accepted to highly selective colleges (Wash U., Tufts, and Barnard) that either waitlisted or rejected them first time around.</p>
<p>Andi,
Wow. I am late to this thread and your long journey with your son through the application process. But I am incredibly impressed the depth and breath of concern and genuine empathy that preceeded and followed your son’s waitlist status at Swathmore. You are special people indeed to have such concerned CC friends, as are the rest of the CC family. I take it that your son had applied to a number of elite colleges and was wait-listed on many (?all) but did not get into any. You have received much advice, but I would add my voice to those who councel to move on, have your son enjoy his gap year and to re-apply in the fall with a eye toward a broader spectrum of selectivity. The wait list is simply a tool the school use for dealing with underestimating the number of enrollees they get from their acceptances; they then fill unexpected slots from the WL. It’s always a guess on their part and it seems like this year most schools received more than expected enrollees making very few if any slots available from the WL. But this is true every year and if you only apply to the same list next year you will be exposed to the exact same risk of not getting any definite acceptances. The random chance factor at such elite, selective schools is just too high so even if you are an outstanding candidate as I’m sure your son is, you just never can be secure about an acceptance. As other people have said there are many other schools that are outstanding educational environments that are not quite as selective that would at least assure that your son will not have a similar experience next year.
Anyway, my thoughts are with you and your son as you do your research and make your decisions for the future and I only wish the best for him. As my mother would say, things always work out for the best, you just don’t always know that in the moment. Good luck, I will follow along now as the process continues.</p>
<p>Thanks for the suggestions. Andison will be meeting with an extremely qualified person this week. And I’m sure he will have some excellent suggestions. </p>
<p>
Maineparent It hasn’t been three months. It’s been three days. First of all he was waiting on the wait list and second of all, as I’ve said before regarding to applying to a new school this spring, he has been involved in a whole ton of school work, AP exams, final exams music performances and most importantly living the life of an end-of-year senior- which means parties, proms etc.</p>
<p>
I beg to differ with you on that. There’s a very large difference in taking piano lessons or being in a school band and becoming exceptional at what you do.</p>
<p>
Maineparent I think you’ve let your own imagination get in the way here. There may have been things that I’ve written that contributed to this impression BUT I can tell you right now you couldn’t be any further from the truth. He is a very popular, funny, friendly and outgoing kid and the recommendations reflect that. Aside from that, much of his music is collaborative and he excels at this because he has great personal skills.</p>
<p>
I own my own business and keep rather busy thanks very much. And andison is a French tutor, musical accompanist, camp volunteer, a vocalist in a music group that performs throughout our area and contributes in many ways to his community. You really shouldn’t be jumping to these unfounded conclusions. If my posts seem to lack joy well -uh- I haven’t exactly felt like turning cartwheels down the street this spring!!!</p>
<p>Hi Andi,
just checking back in…I hope you understand that my view is a bit different…that three months are now gone…on your end this is only 3 days old… I have little to no experience with waitlists…except for a thread I contributed to a while ago where I was very surprised myself last year that waitlists were in such use by schools. They were not really on our horizon as an issue to be dealt with… </p>
<p>and I may have read more into the concerns about what will happen this next year than are necessary. I can only say that I grew very fond of another poster who was disappointed in a lot of her choices and Michigan turned out to be a wonderful option. So, the identification of Michigan as a program for andison to give serious consideration to is an excellent suggestion. Better than my attempt to assist… best wishes…</p>
<p>Hi andy, I’m new here, have you considered anything abroad? The stupid search for divesity might not have affected Cambridge or Oxford, man, you don’t deserve less</p>
<p>Hi, Andi,
I just wanted to express my sympathy for your son. But also to give him some hope.</p>
<p>My daughter is on a gap year, and its been the best year of her life. In her high school, a gap year is the norm for the majority of the kids. Many of the kids in her high school class also had disappointing results from their college applications. They re-applied to colleges in the fall of their gap year. Many of them reapplied ED to their first choice college. Happily, I would say that most of the kids that reapplied during their gap year did get into the college of their choice.</p>
<p>But I also agree that you need to broaden your spectrum. Its been nailed into my head that the acceptance rate at the most selective colleges is 10%. If that’s the case, where are the other 90% of these kids going? Surely they must be going to “less selective” colleges. So the pool of kids at “less selective” college has to be getting better and better.</p>
<p>I hope that your son reapplies next year and gets into his first choice school. But keep an open mind. There are plenty of good colleges that would be happy to accept your son. I’m thinking of BU, Boston college, Tufts, Brandeis, University of Mass., just to name a few in your backyard.</p>
<p>And I really hope that he enjoys his gap year, if that’s how things pan out for you. It really is a gift. When will be the next time that he can pursue whatever he wants, without worrying about tests or the mortgage or the children?</p>