<p>can I write about human rights or does that not describe enough about myself</p>
<p>The overall message of what I think you’re trying to say is fine because it speaks to what you care about in the world. My main advise would be to maybe cut down the amount of words you used in the first paragraph to detail examples and utilize more of them to describe yourself a bit more. Reason I say this is because the essay is your chance to describe yourself as a person and I felt this in the second paragraph, but that paragraph was certainly smaller than the first one. I think the colleges will get the point you were making in the first paragraph even if you cut it back a couple sentences to talk more about how this affects you and elaborate on your outlook on it all.</p>
<p>I think it could be a good essay if you show how you have been involved in giving human rights around the world. Good Luck!</p>