<p>Finally getting the nerve to ask this question…but what happens to those high school boyfriend/girlfriend relationships during freshman year?</p>
<p>My DD developed a close relationship with her boyfriend during her senior year and both are headed to college, bf in upstate ny, dd in philly. They met during a summer program last year and though separated by around 300 miles, they are in constant contact by email or phone throughout their senior year. They’ve been with each other for b’days, proms, graduations and other weekend visits. He’s a nice guy and it’s the first real serious relationship for both of them.</p>
<p>I know that the chances of relationships lasting after hs graduation and through freshman year are pretty slim, especially given the excitement and new world that they will be discovering in college. So how do you prepare for the potential heartbreak and what are some other experiences that people have had? It may just evolve to a natural parting of the way…but just want to be ready when the fall begins.</p>
<p>that if He cuts it off that she can recover quickly and that it doesn’t happen during finals…hope for the least disruption. As for the broken heart…her new college friends will be supportive and point out the inevitability of the break up. We have all seen this happen…in every dorm…it is probably just a matter of when as you suggest. Remain available and hope that she tells you…just refrain from the “it is all for the better” statement you would love to say.</p>
<p>My D had a BF going to college when she entered grade 12. After 6 bweeks she broke it off, as he was far away east and it was just not “logical.” Now she has a BF she will be leaving, the colleges will be 30 hours drive apart! She announced months ago that they were plannignt o break up in August- now they are debating trying to sort of stay together and offer each other an achor of support, knowing they might likely break up eventually.</p>
<p>Hazmat is right, help her be logical and hope that nothiing big happens at finals time!
Of her 4 other friends with BF’s going off to school, all of them who were apart broke up. Another friend of my older D went to the same college as his GF and they broke up by the end of the first year!</p>
<p>Just hate seeing her go through her first major breakup and you’re right…timing is key…please, not during finals!</p>
<p>Yes, hazmat, I would have said it and thanks for the good advice…i’ll try to restrain myself. I’m realizing that her college friends will be her best support and I may be the last to know, unless I ask. It’s good to know she’ll have many shoulders to cry on and others who will be dealing with the same thing.</p>
<p>Guess we’re in the time of life where relationships will be constantly changing …wow, life was so much easier before!</p>
<p>Actually, I think it is easier on both sides if the breakup occurs naturally as a result of distance than when kids are both at home and one kid dumps the other. I mean, 2 years ago my daughter was dating a kid for a few weeks and then he dumped her – she was never anything close to being in love with him, but boy, was she hurt and angry! It was the way he treated her - pretty much ignoring her once HE decided they were through - that was so hurtful. </p>
<p>My d. is a rising senior and is now very close to her current bf, who has graduated and will be going to the opposite coast in September. They have decided to try to keep the relationship going - so we’ll see, it may last. Knowing my daughter, it will last on her end until someone else comes along that she likes better. </p>
<p>But my point is, I think that if she had a phone call or an email from the bf saying that he wanted to break it off because of the distance - or even if he had found someone knew – I think that would be less devastating than simply being dumped and ignored for no good reason, especially when the dumper is person who she has continuing regular contact with through school and a network of mutual friends. The distance of kids going to separate schools also accommodates a gradual and gentle let down – plus avoids the pain of either one of them having to deal with seeing the loved one hand-in-hand with his/her newest flame. And - with a few dozen or hundred or thousand miles between them - it really is possible to “still be friends” and mean it, especially in today’s world of email and text messaging.</p>
<p>I’m waiting to see how it works out when BF and GF both go to the same school. My DS has been going with his GF for over a year now and while they didn’t really plan on the same school intentionally (at least that’s what I think), they ended up there, along with one of their best guy friends who is also now my DS roommate (not planned either). I know they have told me that they are going to ignore each other for the first few weeks so they can meet other people. I know GF is planning on that, or says so (at the same time noting how close her dorm is to theirs). I just hope they really do branch out, find different friends and activities and let what will be, will be.</p>
<p>choff - I, of course, don’t know what <em>will</em> happen. But I know it can happen the way you hope (fingers crossed). My niece and her BF were joined at the hip throughout hs and went to same U. They broke up about half way through Freshman year, but remained friends and still are 3 years later. Best of both worlds.</p>
<p>Jmmom, thanks. that’s actually what I hope does happen. I love GF, she’s very good for DS, brings him out and makes him social, but I also want him not to have to depend on her either. No matter what happens, I do hope they remain good friends.</p>
<p>mistymom my DS had a gf when he was a senior and she a junior. I thought for sure that they would break up when he went to school 6 hrs away. Didn’t happen. Now she’s about to start college and once again I’m thinking that they’ll break up. It amazes me that they’ve stayed together thru the changes but I’m sure that this year will be even more of a challenge.</p>
<p>I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year, most of which was spent 3000 miles apart. In the fall we both start college, but only 1 hour apart. I don’t think it will be that hard to stay together, while still managing to meet new people and branch out.</p>
<p>thanks for everyone’s replies…it feels better knowing that I’m not the only wondering what will happen and what to do. </p>
<p>They’ve lasted this long, given the distance, and seem very compatible. On one hand, I’ll be pleasantly surprised if this relationship lasts. He’s seems to be a real soulmate for my daughter. Their nightly cell phone calls last for an hour or longer and they were each other’s confidente during this crazy senior year.</p>
<p>But on the other hand, hope she doesn’t hold herself back from engaging in new college activities and friendships (i.e. boys). Borrowing from another recent post about bf/gf relationships, there’s always a danger of feeling too close (i.e. “married”) to this relationship that she won’t open herself up to other ones. Missing out on the great social relationships that form at the beginning of freshman year seem important.</p>
<p>So, it’s a wait and see situation. She’s a pretty independent and academically-driven (at least in high school - lol) person. Hard to say what will happen freshman year. I wouldn’t be surprised if they remain good friends, even after a formal breakup. Just keeping my fingers crossed the timing is good and the transition is natural.</p>
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