<p>Hello all! Earlier this week, I found out the sex of my baby. I’m having a girl. That means that I will have 3 girls, and just one boy. I’m elated and I would be elated even if I was having a boy. However, my husband is really disappointed about not having a son. It’s really disheartening because even though this baby was a surprise, we both became very attached. After we found out that the baby is a girl, he became distant. He doesn’t run my belly as much and he isn’t as enthusiastic about shopping and planning anymore. I’m not very sure how to deal with this situation. Does anyone have any similar situations? Or can anyone give me advice? I know this isn’t college related, but this is a community with thousands of parents, so I couldn’t think of a better place to post 
thank you all</p>
<p>gee, how did I know even before I opened the thread that the baby is a girl??
Misogyny sucks.
And you already have one boy? That makes your husband’s attitude even more disgusting. What a jerk. Sorry that you’re stuck in this situation. :-(</p>
<p>I haven’t been in your situation, but I sympathize. Is your Dh a good father to your girls? I’m assuming, yes. </p>
<p>I guess I wouldn’t worry too much at this point. He’s disappointed now, as his hope didn’t jibe with reality. ( and enthusiastic about shopping isn’t something some of our Dh’s ever were, lol)
I would be very surprised if he doesn’t fall in love with this little pea pod just as hard as he did with his other girls, once she’s here and looking up at him adoringly. Chances are, she’ll have him wrapped around her little finger in no time.<br>
Congratulations, btw! </p>
<p>Well… you could try to talk with him. But if I remember right from past posts, this is also a spouse who isn’t so keen on rational budget discussions, either. You just have to hope he bonds after the baby is born, I guess. It was never too helpful when she said it (so I know it is not the most helpful now), but as my mom used to say, “You picked him…”</p>
<p>Your hubby is the one who provided the “wrong” chromosome!!! So sorry that you have to deal with this. May your pregnancy be easy and little girl be happy and healthy. </p>
<p>@moonchild He loves his daughters. He treats them so well and him and my oldest daughter are almost glued at the hip. But he was really looking forward to having another son. I feel as though I’ve disappointed him in some way. He grew up in a house with mainly men and his father has always pushed the idea of having a lot of sons to “continue his legacy”. I will be hitting the big 40 in a few weeks and I’m not sure whether or not it would be worth it to try to get pregnant again just so he can have a boy. What will it do to our marriage if I give him another girl?</p>
<p>@MomCat2 Haha! He isn’t a jerk. It can come across as such at times, but he is such a good man. I feel like a lot of it has to do with how he was raised. 2 sisters and 5 brothers. </p>
<p>@intparent My husband is a good man who has been conditioned by his parents. It’s like they (specifically his father) has this grip on him emotionally. He has Tiger parents. I have tried to break him out of that shell, but it’s hard you know. It’s really hard. </p>
<p>@BunsenBurner Thank you so much! My thing is, I’m hesitant about talking about it. I don’t want to risk getting into an argument and putting the baby at risk. I think if I told him that he gave me the “wrong chromosome”, he’d flip lol.</p>
<p>Certainly give him a little more time to get used to the idea of another daughter! It hasn’t even been a week.</p>
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<p>From what I can tell (you have one kid in college now), you must have been married at least 20 years. This is who HE is, not just someone conditioned by his parents. I agree that parents have an influence on the attitudes of their kids. But a person who hasn’t broken free from the parts of their upbringing that are distasteful by age 40 probably isn’t going to, and likes who they are. I understand your position and that you need stability for your kids, so may not want to rock the boat. But when a person is 40 years old, they have to own their own reactions and attitudes.</p>
<p>@oldmom4896 Normally, I’d think that I’m exaggerating about this, but I’ll tell you a few things. About a month ago, he came home with all this blue stuff. Blue bags, blue cups, blue shirts, blue booties, blue bottles, blue everything. He was so excited to buy things for a son. He’d talk about names all the time. I know it has been a short period of time since we found out, but he has been so irritable and moody everytime I even mention the word baby. I really hope he grows accustomed to the idea. I don’t want my baby girl feeling unwelcomed when she is born. </p>
<p>During my two pregnancies, I hoped and assumed I’d have a daughter. Nope. Both times I found out early that they were both boys. Was I disappointed? You betcha! But after about a week, I got over it. And now, of course, I can’t imagine anything else.</p>
<p>Let him absorb the news. I think he’ll get used to it.</p>
<p>HOWEVER:
</p>
<p>Rid yourself of that notion as quickly as you can. No one controls the outcome. Even though you’re his wife, you are not responsible for making him happy. Only he can do that.</p>
<p>I cried my eyes out for 3 weeks when I found out I was having a third son, but you do get over it and you love those babies no matter what gender they are. Do i regret not having a girl…sure. Does it sometimes make me alittle sad when people are getting all excited about proms, and dances and weddings…sure. Does it make me a bad person…I don’t think so. Does it make me a boy-hater. Not in the least. Misogynist is a pretty darn strong word. I bet deep inside your husband is glad he has both…and I bet he was hoping for matched sets of two. </p>
<p>I wanted a girl so bad that my sister offered to raise my son , whe the amnio revealed his sex! (I have the best sis ever.) But I got used to the idea, mostly before he was born, and I haved absolutely loved having a son for 18 years.</p>
<p>I hope your hubby comes around. Do you have any friends with sons to whom he could be a helpful “uncle”? I know being my niece’s auntie helped me get my “girlie” fix.</p>
<p>When I was pregnant with my second child, D was 4 years old. She was pretty upset when she found out she was getting a baby brother, not sister. We let her feel the disappointment and that was that.</p>
<p>I’m not saying your husband is a four year old. On the contrary. I just want to ;point out that he was having an emotional reaction and to be honest, while not positive, I don’t see the problem. The problem occurs if he continues to have this negative feeling toward his child. But based on what you wrote, this is just the gut reaction. </p>
<p>I would let it slide - for certainly more than a week, a month - until you give birth. If there’s no change and he isn’t the same good father as he is to his older children, then there’s a problem. But for now, let him feel his disappointment. (btw, YOU didn’t disappoint him - it was his sperm)</p>
<p>@momofthreeboys Thank you so much for sharing that. Maybe it’s the hormones that are getting to me. I do pray that this will all work out in the end.</p>
<p>@VeryHappy I know it is out of my control and I’m trying to not feel so down, but it is as if I can’t help it. </p>
<p>@Sweetbeet I never thought about that. I do have a friend who is a single mother with a son. It might be interesting to invite the both of them over to see how her son would interact with my son and my husband. Because I do have one son already. He just wants more.</p>
<p>So instead of trying for another yourself, you could look for a boy in foster care now and adopt him.</p>
<p>intparent and all, I don’t think adoption from foster care is a good solution to this problem. That is a really big deal, to adopt a child with a complicated history. In my very humble opinion as an adoptive mom.</p>
<p>My H only wanted girls (he had issues with his own father). When we found out that our second was a boy - he was disappointed for a while. But he came around and is a terrific father to our son. I struggled when I realized that our S was not going to be like my brothers (rough and tumble, sports nuts, etc.) Instead our S is gay and on the autism spectrum. Not what either of us envisioned - but we couldn’t love him more. </p>
<p>Momofthreeboys, really? I have three sons; dh had to talk me into child #2 and I had an appt. to plan to get my tubes tied which turned into an OB appt. for #3. Because I was a mom of “advanced age”, I had a CVS, which I don’t think they do anymore, and voila! another boy. I was so relieved and happy because the first bit of news was “your baby is fine”. I started crying and found out he was a boy and fell head over heels for him then and there. It’s only now, 27 years later that I sometimes think I could use a daughter to pal around with! LOL. Have to rely on friends for that.</p>
<p>@oldmom4896 , I actually agree with you. Was being a bit flippant… I feel like the OP can either face the problem head on (point out to husband that biologically HE is the one who determines the gender of the child, and also point out how misogynistic his attitude is), or just hope he bonds after the baby is born. Not a lot of other choices… and I feel like (sorry, OP) based on other threads this poster dodges hard conversations with her spouse and then comes out here looking for affirmation of her position.</p>