<p>To parents of Valedictorians and Salutatorians,</p>
<p>First, congratulations for raising such a smart child. That doesn’t happen by itself. Good work!</p>
<p>But your hard work doesn’t stop there. Please review your child’s speech before they give it. I just attended my son’s high school graduation and both the valedictorian and salutatorian speeches were so filled with hubris, it turned the entire audience. At first, I thought I was just being too critical, but people started talking aloud around me, saying the same things I was thinking. Then, after the ceremony, so many of the kids said they felt insulted… followed by some not-so-kind words about the speakers. </p>
<p>I thought “How awful!” To use your time in the spotlight to alienate just about everyone you attended high school with. </p>
<p>I know the parents of both of these kids… really well, in fact. I know in my heart they would not have wanted these kids to say some of the stuff they did… in the manner in which they said it.</p>
<p>So if you’re a parent of a valedictorian or salutatorian, please ask to read their speeches before they give them. Look for things that will provoke a “Who the hell do you think you are?!” response. Don’t let your high performing kids make their last impression on their classmates be one of disdain.</p>
<p>A few years ago I heard a student’s graduation speech where every sentence started with “I” (or at least it seemed that way to me). The student projected herself as a very self-centered and egotistical person. I have heard some bad speeches (one where a student attempted a rap - horrible) and some good ones (where the students are sincere, thoughtful, and entertaining). Heck, I liked the one I gave at my graduation 35 years ago! If my child was speaking, I would definitely review the speech!</p>
<p>OP,
Can you give some examples of what was said? You’ve piqued my curiosity.</p>
<p>Our valedictorian included a line about how much she ended up disliking our hs. At first I thought it was inappropriate, but after further thought, I remembered that all of my kids felt the same way by the end of senior year, so she confirmed that my kids’ feelings were not unusual and I actually ended up appreciating it.</p>
<p>I’ve always found it silly that just because a kid got the best GPA among his peers he is presumed to be able to give advice as to how all of his classmates should behave in college, or in life. Jeez. S/he’s still only 17 or 18.</p>
<p>The Val of D’s HS class gave a terrible speech, spending more than half talking about how much he disliked his classmates … the Sal in particular. In contrast, the Sal’s speech was superb, talking about all the wonderful people that made his years at the school a joy.</p>
<p>We don’t have Val and Sal, but we have President of Student Body and then another president of something who is also a student. So far, their speeches have been fine – it’s the “parent speaker” who has been terrible. </p>
<p>When my daughter graduated high school in 2011, the students chose a parent who was a very famous attorney (think: “if the glove fits, you must convict” but the civil case, not the criminal). His speech embodied everything I hate about our community – that it consists of a handful of great families and their amazing kids. Whom he acknowledged, by name. Very much a nod to the “in crowd” kind of speech. The kind you’d expect to hear from a privileged, spoiled 17 year old. But it was coming from a 58 year old attorney.</p>
<p>I’ve experienced this sort of hubris in speeches, but sadly most of the ones that leap to mind were given by adult professionals. </p>
<p>In particular there was a speaker at an honors awards night when I was an undergrad that was particularly awful. She didn’t self-reference, but it was so apparent from the moment she started speaking that she thought that she was terribly clever, much more so than reality, and intellectual, too. I can’t remember what particular accomplishments she had as a faculty member that led them to ask her to speak, but it left the audience talking in a bad way. At one point she very smugly challenged the audience to come up to her afterwards with a use for a brick that she had not yet thought of her heard of, and from what I hear a lot of people were thinking, “I’ll stuff the brick in your mouth.”</p>
<p>I’ve heard a good many graduation speeches, none of which have ever provoked a “Who the hell do you think you are?” response in me. Some have been more successful than others; I wish that the valedictorian of my oldest daughter’s high school class had not read “In the Night Kitchen” in its entirety, for example.</p>
<p>But I have not heard self-congratulatory, petty, or mean-spirited speeches. Isn’t there a review process for graduation addresses? My middle daughter was quite unhappy in high school, but chose to give a speech she thought her classmates would like to hear and memorialized their class adviser, who died before the age of 35. She also invoked a few universal memories and pointed out to the retiring superintendent of schools how few snow days he’d granted. I was proud and relieved that she decided not to talk about her difficulties in school (and there were many). I never could have reviewed the speech ahead of time - she wouldn’t have let me.</p>
<p>frazzled – thanks for posting that video – I just watched it and she was amazing. A very assured and eloquent speaker who spoke from the heart.</p>
<p>Her speech is an example of what a good student speech should be. Granted, she has 4 years age and maturity on most high school seniors, but the tone and quality of her speech is a terrific example to any student giving a commencement speech. It wasn’t about her – it was about her classmates, and her school. Well done.</p>
<p>“Did he actually NAME the kids he didn’t like?”</p>
<p>Some, like the Sal, YES. Some others were easily identified by context. (There were about 200 in the graduating class, all of whom had been together for four years.)</p>
<p>The val and sal speeches at my HS were so unmemorable that I forgot them almost as soon as they were finished. Pretty sad considering I hung out with the sal and we were good buddies. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I believe the reasoning behind this is that as the student with the highest GPA was the best student in a supposed EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTION, he/she should give a speech to be an exemplar to the rest of the graduating class.</p>
<p>While not perfect, I’d don’t think a virtual popularity contest such as voting for the most popular student to give such a speech is necessarily better…and IMHO…has far worse problems associated with it considering it’s high school.</p>
<p>My son’s graduation had three student speakers. All three were amazing speeches and very different. One was a very good speech in the traditional sense by the student body pres, the next was amazingly funny and personal by a very popular athlete. The third (by one of the brightest kids I’ve had the pleasure to know) seemed to address just about everyone in his class (no one by name but small class so the kids knew) with predictions where they would be heading in life and advice when they get there–all upbeat good humor and very entertaining (we still talk about that speech).</p>
<p>There were 3 student speakers at DDs high school graduation – the student council president, the valedictorian, and one other student (that student had to compete with anyone else who wanted to speak at graduation and submit a speech to the VP). All 3 were excellent!!</p>
<p>I was val. The sal was a weird girl who gave a long political speech (this was Vietnam era) that she read aloud in a monotone voice. It was very difficult to understand what she was talking about. Mine was short and sweet, pointing out a few poignant memories, a bit of humor and wishing everyone well. I was an experienced public speaker and wrote the speech for an audience of graduates and their parents, not for myself.</p>
<p>The speakers at our kids’ school’s graduation all have to submit speeches and get selected.</p>
<p>I was val, also. One of my best friends was sal. So we gave our speech together. She was going to Texas A&M, and I was headed to UT-Austin. The two schools are big rivals, so we had fun with that. I found my speech recently and was surprised that it was decent! I remember my dad helping me a lot with it. I was scared to death!</p>
<p>D1 was sal, and the only thing she got to do at commencement was lead the Pledge of Allegiance. To the best of my knowledge no one was offended by that.</p>
<p>A few years later D2 was val, or more correctly co-val along with her best friend. The first time in the history of the school they named more than one val. They wanted to name only one and thus calculated their GPAs out the last decimal, but they were still tied. They gave the speech together, taking turns saying every other line. I don’t remember everything they said. I recall it as consisting mostly of bland uplift and encouragement that is typical of commencement speeches.</p>