<p>Has this happened to anyone else? When my husband and I were talking today about next steps regarding S’s waitlist; I was calmly trying to explain the process (the last two years rolled into one) and what our next steps could be. I also said that he should be proud of our son for getting into some really good honors colleges with merit scholarships. ‘DH’ started to make disparaging remarks about those schools, and I said that was the case, maybe, years ago when they didn’t have honors colleges and that I did hours and hours, and days and days of research. He retorted, well if you spent so much time on this WHY is our son waitlisted?! You failed. Wow, I’m just glad the kids were all out of the house for that one…</p>
<p>Whoa. Sledgehammer to the kneecaps for that crack!!! Want to send the cc posse after him??? ;)</p>
<p>I’ll join the posse! You sound like a great mom.</p>
<p>I am sorry to hear this reaction breathedeeply. Maybe he actually feels HE FAILED and is trying to pass that off onto you. Anyway, doesn’t sound like a failure if your S got into honors programs with merit. I sure hope he doesn’t express his dissatisfaction in front of your S.</p>
<p>Apparently your husband hasn’t been watching TV programs or commercials for the past 10 years…otherwise he would know that it’s only men who make mistakes.</p>
<p>Immature reaction. Happens sometimes. Sorry that it did.</p>
<p>You’re right, thanks; can only hurt me if I let it…time to flush and go.</p>
<p>A pox on your husband’s side of the bed!!!</p>
<p>Seriously though, he is just frustrated. It’s a man thing. He doesn’t have CC to console himself. I like your visual though – flush indeed! (and use the cheap toilet paper)</p>
<p>Since when is a mom the one who has responsibility for her child’s application status??? That’s ridiculous… with the competition these days that remark was totally off base. However, it’s an extremely tense time, and sometimes during such times we say things we don’t really think about until later, and then regret them. Hang in there! And congrats to your son - sounds like he’s got lots of options. Also, being waitlisted isn’t a rejection…</p>
<p>Well, when I explained that the two waitlist colleges really like to see intent to enroll and had two EDs, he blamed me for not insisting that our son do the ED. Son wasn’t ready to commit and I wasn’t going to push him into a decision.</p>
<p>I used to work for a computer manufacturer led by an iconic man who would sometimes drop in to our meetings. Sometimes it would be where we discussed losing to our competitors. His take - if we won every contract we bid in, we are not bidding in enough contracts and our competitors will outgrow us. So there should be a mix where we go after deals that we were favorites, some where it was a toss up, and a few where the rewards were high even if we’re long shots, even if it was likely we would lose.</p>
<p>So your family had a choice - your son could have only applied to safeties and got a 100% hit, or he could have also gone for matches and reaches, got fewer, lost some, and still be in the running at others. Now you’re in a position to look at what you have and what you want, reject those in the wait list that don’t work out for you, and focus on how to increase your chances on those that you desire. So my answer would have been, “yes, we planned for this.” It’s not a perfect world where every student applies to one college and is accepted, but rather there are colleges the student applies to and is unsuccessful, while at the same time there are students that the college admits but are unsuccessful in retaining.</p>
<p>It was my mistake to show him the Naviance scattergrams. These were schools that our son was way above the curve. These were his ‘higher safties/matches’, the reaches don’t come in till next week…oh the joy!</p>
<p>And what did the father do to help his son prepare for college?</p>
<p>It wasn’t your mistake to show him the naviance scattergrams, it was HIS mistake to have not seen them before now, if it mattered that much to him. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>past a certain point, I wonder if there even is a “safety” school anymore. A kid would have to apply to several to be absolutely assured of one admittance, honestly. One of the reaches may play out in your favor, you never know. They are reaches, sure, but I’m certain you wouldn’t have bothered with them if he wasn’t in the proverbial ballpark.</p>
<p>Good luck to you. Buy yourself some flowers. It’s spring. The daffodils are lovely this time of year.</p>
<p>oh, jazzpark, you don’t want to hear that part of the ‘conversation’! He proclaimed that he did his job to have the funds to pay for the colleges, and I didn’t do my job. He said he wished he had the ‘free time’ to take son to the 19 college visits; he’d switch with me any day.</p>
<p>I thought your s applied to one ED? No?</p>
<p>Yes, he did and that was a reach school. But then he could have applied to one of the two ‘safety/match’ for their EDII.</p>
<p>Breathedeeply, I’d remind your husband exactly who the applicant is. And, not being admitted does not mean that your son is not an excellent student. The reality is that there are many very well qualified students and only a certain number of spots available at top-tiered universities. Perfect scores and GPAs do not guarantee placement.</p>
<p>@Breathedeeply…your name says it all. There is no point in trying to prove anything to your husband. It is not your fault and it is not your son’s fault. Just wait until all the decisions come in and help your son decide which school is the best fit. I would not even bring it up again. It would make me too angry.</p>
<p>There are so many books on topic of verbal abuse. One of my favs talks about the style of parenting. The dad sits back and does little, but comes in to criticize when things don’t go “right”. He believes he is the expert. You and son are both at fault. The catch-22 is if you fight back, the funds dry up. Extremey tough situation for you and son. Are there any younger kids?</p>