@jym626 — I do sincerely appreciate your concern. Many of you on these forums are very, very kind and sagacious. I still have a lot of maturity to gain through life experience and introspection, and hopefully I will mature more in the coming times, especially with college upcoming.
I will leave this forum presently. I need not trouble everyone here anymore with my issues, as they are largely unrelated to the forum’s subject matter. I apologize for the inconvenience as is. Thank you @thumper1@MaineLonghorn@twoinanddone@HeartofDixie@momofsenior1@TS0104@EconPop@one1ofeach and of course you jym and many others I am sure. You all have been very kind.
And @VinceLestrade , first it was Dorm Lockers and your angst with that. Now it’s worrying about decency in the dorm hallways. Me thinks you stress entirely too much about the dorm life and are coming up with more things to stress about. Maybe, just maybe, dorm life is NOT for you (seeing as every aspect of it stresses you outand gives you angst) and you really should follow some of those recommendations made by @brantly . Commute !! Next thing you’ll be worrying about is the food on college campuses. What’s next? It’s ALL part of the college experience and part of growing up, adulting so to speak… learning how to adjust and work with what you’re given. Thousands of college students before you have been put into uncomfortable (to them) positions and have graduated college being better adults from them. You cannot be a bubble… not in a college dorm.
Vince, I think going away to college may be a great thing for you. One benefit of living of living on campus for most students is it takes them out of the home life they’ve known forever, and exposes them to many many many other points of view. Think of the experience as an unlisted, ungraded college course.
It sounds like you’ve led a very insular life so far. You’ve been raised by and around people with social phobias, you’ve been home schooled, and you have not had many significant long term experiences with people outside your immediate circle. Even if you did not inherit anything from your family, it is very likely your behavior and expectations have been shaped by your family’s conditions.
Once you get into a dorm, and you adjust to the new surroundings, you may very well feel somewhat liberated – from all the fears of “others” that your family lives with constantly. Instead of looking for reasons to choose the college closest to you that will allow you to remain living at home, I think you should choose one that is at least far enough away that requires you to live on campus. It doesn’t need to be the one furthest away, just one far enough away.
You said you desire to be different than the other people in your family. The most obvious way I see to do that is to learn to be more social than them. Learn to be more accepting of other people. Learn to be more trusting. Learn to be less afraid of social situations. One way to do that is to not constantly seek to avoid being around other people.
I sincerely hope you choose to live in a dorm, with a roommate. It might just be the biggest best choice you make in your life.
Vince, you have numerous threads that show you’re stressing a lot about dorm life, but there’s no clear indication that residential college is a possibility for your family. In fact, your posts hint at the opposite.
You talk about financial issues and a personal willingness to go into debt for a “good” college. If you need parent loans on top of the federal student loans to pay for residential college then I think your focus would be better spent on finding affordable schools. You can compare dorm life after you get some acceptances that are in budget.
Are your parents planning to borrow ~$10k/year on top of the ~$5500/year federal student loan? That will total over $70k/year with interest. That’s way too much. It’s great that you have an acceptance to an affordable commuter school. Run the net price calculators on the others.
If you come back with a list of affordable options posters here can probably give you insight into what it’s actually like to live at those specific schools. But don’t spend your time worrying about things that may never happen.
Haven’t read all the posts Vince. You sound like a dapper gentleman who would have been happy living in Victorian times. Unfortunately, you are going to college in the 2020’s. Your personal modesty is your business, but you can’t control how modest other people are.
There are plenty of colleges that offer single sex dorms. I think most colleges also have single sex bathrooms for showering, though these days there is often a designated gender neutral bathroom. So be sure to request a dorm where bathrooms are segregated by sex.
@austinmshauri — Well, we aren’t quite “planning” anything definitively yet, just exploring options. We haven’t got word back on most of my picks, and we haven’t gotten anything back on the FAFSA. We’re relieved that we’ve gotten good, economical options thus far, but we’re withholding final decisions until all the information roles in. I’d like to go to a school farther away, not because of the dorms obviously, but because of the academic opportunities. The college the would be basically free is Butler btw, I’m not sure if anyone’s familiar.
Edit: Oh, yeah, and I’m definitely not planning on getting 70 thousand into debt, especially on my parent’s dime. If colleges require me to do that, I know I’d have the option to go to Butler instead, likely graduating with no debt.
@Lindagaf — Lol, I was thinking the same thing about the Victorian era. I don’t go around talking like a historical reenactment, nor do I dress in Black tie, but I wholeheartedly agree that certain sensibilities line up. That robe is truly something, I must say. I’m not sure if it fits my tastes — or anyone’s tastes for that matter — but I appreciate the link nonetheless.
@austinmshauri — Affordable options would be RIT, Butler and Wooster. I applied knowing I’d likely get into the first two, so I didn’t worry too much about applying to tons of inexpensive options. The first two would be full-tuition, the second I wouldn’t have to factor in room and board, so I’d just be paying for books, basically. The third I still have to wait until March to hear back from, but the admissions team encouraged me to apply for a full-ride scholarship, and I’ve built a relationship with staff. Then there’s CWRU, which I’m in the running for a full ride, room, board, books scholarship, though that’s super competitive, and I still have to wait until March.
In the faq they address some of your concerns… Might as well look at your options now. If you love close enough see if you can tour the dorms with someone student. Had a friends daughter that went there and enjoyed her time. Don’t know anything else about the school.
Wow, no debt at Butler? I’d go for that! A wonderful school, where my nephew attended. He passed away before graduating, and I visited the school afterwards. The professors, staff, and students were so kind and the campus is beautiful! I would go there in a heartbeat.
LOL, @Lindagaf . WIll look into it for valentine’s day :). DH has several Yucatas (like a male kimono) from growing up in Japan, and they remain in the closet collecting dust. He runs around in gym clothes (which is what a lot of guys do in dorms when going to/from the shower).
OP, I know you won’t do it, but five minutes on a nudist beach would do wonders for you. At the end of those five minutes, you’d think to yourself, “Wow, what’s the big deal?” Don’t ask me how I know… ?
If cost is not a problem, my S’s school had a suite style housing option where you share a kitchenette with another student but each student has a private bedroom and bathroom.
My D had a double room and they shared a bathroom with two other girls next door.
Some dorms had private rooms but shared bathrooms (by gender). Some students took showers in the afternoon or evening when there were fewer people getting ready.
We had to swim in high school. Nobody liked changing in front of others, but everyone just hurried up and didn’t really look at other people.
You’ll get used to it.
If you have given birth in a hospital, your modesty goes out the window, there isn’t any choice, I couldn’t do it on my own.