@thumper1 — I have no problem being around people on a consistent basis, nor do I have a problem using a single-stall shower in a communal restroom — suite- or floor-wide. I just don’t want to be exposed in view of other people, nor will I be able to look at someone the same again after seeing their poorly secured towel slip off in the hall.
I may change in the showers. If that makes me the one weird guy who doesn’t expose himself to his roommate or walk down the halls in a tarp, then so be it. I won’t mock people who choose to strip in their communal rooms, I’ll just live differently.
You have some decisions to make. Some people pick their schools entirely on academics and don’t care about the food, the dorms, the cost. Others have to consider finances first and put up with bad transportation options, living at home, living in a traditional dorm with 20 people sharing a bathroom down the hall.
It seems that the dorm set up is the most important to you. You need to pick the school that has the best living set up for you. That may mean Harvard and Stanford are out. Up to you.
One of my kids had a lot of choices, from 20 kids sharing one bathroom to a small group (4 kids from two room) sharing one, to a private room with a private bath. The cost went up as the number sharing went down. She ended up picking a suite with each student having her own room and the 4 sharing two sinks and two shower/toilet rooms. This was the most common freshman set up, but there was one traditional dorm on campus with the private bed/private bath room (most expensive).
Only you can decide what is the most important to you - cost, privacy, school.
@twoinanddone — Absolutely. It’ll come down to which colleges I get accepted to. I applied to a little bit of everything, but at this point I might just go to the local option if I don’t get into somewhere much better. I could thereby avoid dorm life altogether, and save a lot of money in the process. After scholarships, that option would be basically free (that’s not even considering need-based aid). I might just go there unless I get accepted to Emory or above.
honestly, you just seem really paranoid about college in general. Going to therapy before college might be beneficial.
You want a chest to prevent theft. You want to bring weapons to campus. You speak overly formally and seem like a person that has severe problems with interacting with people.
@dmoolina — Yeah, I guess I really don’t put too much into appearances on this forum. I write formally because I’m not familiar with the formality of the site (I wouldn’t text-speak, for instance, for fears of seeming like I didn’t care or couldn’t write coherently). Also, I like to use any opportunity to practice writing.
I don’t want like a pirate chest, just a footlocker in case I didn’t get a secure wardrobe. It would be just like a suitcase with a TSA lock and wheels. Not really a huge deal. I’d just put my jacket and trainers in there, in addition to my tech when I go to the restrooms or something.
I’m not talking about bringing a gun to school, just a bit of tech to temporarily stun or disorient a would-be attacker. It’s a peace-of-mind measure millions of people take; my grandma carries pepper spray for instance.
I don’t have severe problems interacting with people, I have concerns about dorm life; it’s not for everyone. I’m not used to living, showering and being packed in with my peers, and I want to know what to expect so that I may better adapt. Both my parents commuted to college because they so deeply disliked dorm living, and so did my grandparents, aunts, and many of my uncles.
I always support therapy, and I feel I will one day pursue it, regardless of the severity of my issues at the time. I think it’s a broadly positive thing. Also, I will talk with campus councilors and other such faculty once on-campus, as to best handle my developing situation.
I appreciate the concern as always. I totally get what everyone is saying. I just want to assure everyone that my situation is not as dire as it may seem. I’m really quite fine, just a bit unfamiliar with college life and anxious. I just happen to respond to anxiety with obsessive research, which I apologize for if it worried anyone.
@jym626 — I wouldn’t want my laptop getting swiped by someone invited in by my roommate. I know people who’ve been victimized in such a way, although I know it’s still uncommon.
Then get a laptop lock and lock the laptop to your desk.
We got laptop locks for both of our kids. They tether your laptop to your desk. Neither of our kids ever used them. And neither did any of their friends. But if it makes you feel good…get one.
A foot locker is not going to fit in most dorm rooms. Some colleges don’t allow bed lofting so it won’t fit under. College closets are too small for a foot locker.
A regular locker that you can buy won’t fit into most dorm rooms either.
Do you realize that the vast majority of college freshmen don’t have the same fears as you!
Sorry, @VinceLestrade but you are being ridiculous. If you want, get a laptop lock, or take it to the bathroom with you. Your concerns are way in excess of reality. Its called catastrophic thinking. You think of the worst case scenario without considering the likelihood of that event or what else might happen. If you lock your laptop in a locker every time you go to the bathroom, your roommate is going to think you are very odd. And mistrusting of him.
@thumper1 — I figure I’ll be bringing a suitcase anyway — I feel like that’s common — so I might as well get one that has some decent security in it. I don’t mean like full-sized footlockers, they’d be able to fly as luggage (not even oversized, they’d be just the same size as a suitcase).
I like your idea about laptop locks. If I end up using my dorm desk a good deal, I’d definitely consider something like that.
I understand my concerns are unusual. I really don’t care about that, though I will make sure my concerns don’t become maladaptive (I don’t consider basic peace-of-mind security to be so, the other things are a discussion we’ve already had).
@MaineLonghorn — I don’t think that my wish to simply concern my valuables or my discomfort with changing in a potentially exposable area warrants therapy; however, my anxieties, which I do admit affect these concerns, are problematic.
I have contemplated therapy, but I am not allowed to pursue it at this time. Something about it giving me a bad reputation, according to my mother.
I don’t think things are as bad irl as they may appear to be here. I really do tend to get caught up in things, as I’ve told you before, which makes it seem like I’m in a state far worse than I actually am.
I assure you I am not in a fetal position, waiting for the moment someone comes and steals all my stuff. I’m just obsessively researching things I’m uncomfortable with, which I admit isn’t exactly positive but it’s certainly not impossible to live with.
Sorry your mom is so misguided. Get the book “The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook”, by Bourne, and download the app “calm” (or an anxiety relief app of your choice. Check several out). And start to take care of yourself.
@jym626 — I agree; I wouldn’t want to appear distrustful. It’s not my roommate I’m worried about, of course, so it’s unfair to give them the impression that I doubt their character. I wouldn’t pursue this whole locker idea if it meant lugging some huge thing around and constantly bothering with it.
I was just thinking I throw everything in there and take whatever I need out — only if I didn’t have a suitable closet for that purpose of course. But again, I see that that very well may prove impractical, so I’ll have to reconsider.
Why would any of the friends your trustworthy roommate lets into the room (where his stuff is as well) be any less trustworthy than your roommate? Give this some thought. The world is not such a scary place. Reasonable caution for yourself and your things is a good idea, but the things you think are reasonable are over the top.
@jym626 — I appreciate it. I have looked into meditation and things like that; it’s definitely something I wish to pursue further.
I think it’s also my fault. I, like many anxious people, hide many of my symptoms. Both my father and sister have diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder and my father has Clinical Depression. I just wanted to be the normal one, I guess, at least in appearance. I talk about things sometimes, but the conversations just make me look bad and don’t really help.
@jym626 — I believe so, unfortunately. My maternal grandmother has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, my mother has agoraphobia, many of my maternal relatives have Anxiety Disorders. I think it’s just very prevalent in my family. I suppose it’s off-topic, so I apologize. Hopefully someday I’ll find someone to talk to about it.
And you just said your sister and father and some grandparents did too. If your posts are real, the apple has not fallen far from this family tree. There are plenty of resources on line and in the library for help, if your mother won’t take you. Good luck.