<p>How many parents tell their kids not to drink/smoke/party, etc. in college when they did that very same stuff back in their day?</p>
<p>I know a ton of parents do this and I wanted to know why.</p>
<p>^^Because they don’t want their kids to repeat the same stupid and dangerous mistakes that they made.</p>
<p>but at least they could learn from their mistakes, and have learning from them</p>
<p>The parents HAVE learned from their mistakes and are trying to impart that learning to their kids. That way the kids might avoid finding out the hard way the same, always unpleasant, sometimes health-ruining, and sometimes life-threatening consequences the parents suffered back in their day.</p>
<p>I don’t tell my kids not to drink/smoke/party in college. They are adults and will make those decisions themselves, hopefully using the wisdom I imparted to them as they grew up. It is unrealistic to expect that they will never drink or party in college, anyway. But hopefully, they will be safe.</p>
<p>P&P, First of all understand that being a hypocrite about the examples you gave would mean that a parent was falsely pretending those items were bad, when they really thought they were good. The phrase those who “did that very same stuff back in their day” implies it is past tense and that they are no longer doing it now. If a person today told me about the evils of smoking- between their puffs, then I’d call him a hypocrite, and likely not believe him, but that isn’t what you said. </p>
<p>IMO Previous posts are exactly right in that of the parents who did those things, and then advised their child against such things, yes most all do it because they have learned from those experiences and hope to pass on the benefit of their learning to their child trying to help them avoid mistakes. When children, some of those same parents may have crossed a street without looking both ways, may not have taken out the trash as they were told, or may have talked on the phone when they weren’t supposed to. Would you argue that they have no right to tell their youngster to take out the trash because maybe they didn’t do it when they were a child, as their parent wanted every time? Is it wrong for a parent to say “Get good grades!” to their child if they have ever received a bad grade themself?</p>
<pre><code>It really isn’t hypocrisy, but rather the passing on of info learned in hopes their child will benefit. When you reach adulthood you are likely to try to pass on the benefit of your understanding of college experiences to someone younger in hopes of helping them avoid a mistake. Or perhaps when you try to pass on the benefit of your understanding of college experiences to someone younger in hopes of helping them avoid a mistake you’ll be an adult. It could go either way.
</code></pre>
<p>im talking about parents who say stuff like, “don’t smoke crack in college” and they lead u to believe that they never did that in college wen in reality they smoked crack everyday their sophomore year and u find out about it 10 years after u graduated. so mostly parents who aren’t honest about their experiences in college and make it seem like they were perfect.</p>
<p>How many parents tell their kids not to drink/smoke/party, etc. in college when they did that very same stuff back in their day?</p>
<p>You are correct, but hypocrisy! is a right conferred by age, (As you will understand as you get get older)</p>
<p>I told my son about my drug usage (all of it) when I was a teenager. I told him how I ran away from home to get away from parents I hated (they were physically and emotionally abusive). I told him about my mistakes.</p>
<p>I think that being honest helped him make a decision to NOT be like his mother in respect to drugs.</p>
<p>Of course I told him about being thrifty and organized too, but he is doing the opposite of that sometimes…</p>
<p>Our kids make it easier. We are so unhip, uncool to them, that it’s easy for them to assume that we were always the fuddy duddies that go to bed at 9:00 pm and yell at them to turn down the music. </p>
<p>I’m not 100% sure that we have ever expressly told our kids that we DIDN’T do certain things as teens or in college. We tell them our hopes for them, and our expectations, and I think they assume the rest.</p>
<p>Does the OP REALLY want me to give my kids ANY encouragement to drink and drive (look, mom make it to oldfarthood, so I’ll probably be OK)? As far as underage drinking, we don’t allow it in the house, but the drinking age was 18 when we were kids, and the main message from us is don’t drink and drive, and take care of each other.</p>
<p>We long ago agreed that hypocrisy, if you want to call it that, was the route we would take if it would lead to a greater chance of our kids surviving to become productive adults. So be it. No apologies here.</p>
<p>Well, I didn’t drink, smoke, etc in college, and still don’t, so it isn’t hypocritical of me to say so to my kids. But there are certainly other stupid things I’ve done, that I’ve asked my kids to consider carefully. My kids seem to appreciate the opportunity to learn from my mistakes rather than me standing back to let them figure it out on their own.</p>
<p>Lots of my conversations begin with, “I wish I had known this way back when.” My kids all went/go to school far from home, so by pure physical location they are certainly able to make their own choices. I would be remiss in my duties as a parent, though, if I didn’t discuss with them some of the pitfalls and hazards they might come across. </p>
<p>One of the very best things that happened when we were foster parents was that our own birth kids were exposed to the results of a multitude of mistakes - teenage pregnancy, AIDs, alcoholism, unrestrained anger, uncontrolled impulses, etc. They are very content to learn from others’ mistakes.</p>
<p>When I was in college I was old enough to drink. Now most kids aren’t. There *is *a difference. There are also more serious consequences for underage drinking in many states than there were in my day.</p>
<p>I think my kids should avoid illegal drugs, party in moderation and drink in moderation in situations where it’s legal.</p>
<p>It IS a different world now than it was back then. And we know a heck of a lot more now about what is safe and what is not. As parents it is our JOB to keep our kids safe when they are young and teach them to make safe choices as they get older.<br>
Certainly, there are hypocritical ways to pass this message on to our kids, but we would also be failing our kids if we did nothing or if we encouraged risky behaviors - just because we might have behaved that way when we were younger does does not mean we want to see our kids act just as stupidly? (or moreso, given changes in laws, increased awareness about dangers of drinking/drugs etc) Learning from their own mistakes in some cases is just not a great option.</p>
<p>Of course, having grown up surrounded by alcoholism (and having seen firsthand several alcohol-related deaths in my own family) I had a much different take on this as a kid than most of my own “experimenting” peers (ie, I learned by OTHERS mistakes rather than my own).</p>
<p>“If a person today told me about the evils of smoking- between their puffs, then I’d call him a hypocrite, and likely not believe him, but that isn’t what you said.”</p>
<p>I disagree. I think actual current smokers are the very best examples as to why not to smoke. My parents both smoke (well, dad has successfully quit for a while), and they have always told me how awful and addicting and disgusting a habit it is. It’s also a great deterrant when you live with a smoker and you get to watch them cough until they throw up because their lungs are so bad. </p>
<p>That being said, I don’t think it’s hypocrisy to learn from your mistakes and try to pass that knowledge onto your children. That’s what my parents did, or well, at least my mom. My dad sometimes has somewhat of a glory days mentality, but mom has made sure to tell me of all of the dumb and awful things she did because of alcohol, her experiences with marijuana and why it wasn’t a good idea, etc. </p>
<p>Lessons learned through parents: Unless I want to wind up a teen parent, alcoholic, and cough until I pee myself, don’t have promiscuous sex, drink, or smoke.</p>
<p>hyperJ, I agree its a dirty, disgusting habit(most say addiction). Imo it is unattractive too. I agree they are often examples of why not to smoke. Further, based on cigarette sales there are less % of young smokers today than their were 10 yrs ago, and less % then than the 10 yrs before that. That would seem to indicate it is less appealing to young people than before. I think thats a good thing.</p>
<p>Nevertheless, since hypocricy means falsely purporting to have values one really doesn’t have- that is why I would call a current smoker a hypocrite if he was telling me the evils of smoking. If he is continuing to do the behavior(as in my example) then I will not believe he means what he says. One who continues to smoke imo is NOT one who has learned from his mistake[your wording] as evidenced by the fact that he continues to make the mistake. If I keep writing 2+2=5 again and again, then I have not learned from my mistake.</p>
<p>Regardless of defining hypocrite, I’m glad we agree the outcome is bad, and should be avoided.</p>
<p>Because experience really does count. Because some of our families have a history of alcohol or drug abuse. Because we want you learn how to have fun without ending up in the hospital or a jail cell. Because we’re parents.</p>
<p>Pierce&Pierce - Because we know we were fortunate to have transcended that “I’m invincible” period in our lives, and we’re doing our best to see that you do also. (And as younghoss points out, this isn’t hypocrisy.)</p>
<p>Agree with mathom. Drinking age was 18 when I was in college so no illegality involved in the drinking. </p>
<p>I have told my sons that I used to drive when I had too much to drink, but that that’s the problem with drinking – you really think you’re OK. Also, I told them that it’s a different world now when it comes to DUI. So, I feel like I’ve been honest even if I haven’t told them every little detail. Parents are allowed a zone of privacy, too.</p>