So I go to a very large school (35,000 plus students) and I have yet to make any friends. last year I lived with a guy I went to high school with and things were great we just didn’t hang out as often as I would have hoped. I have always been very shy and I have always kept to myself so I didn’t make an effort to go and meet people, thinking my roommate would be enough and I would meet people through him. Unfortunately it wasn’t the case and I ended up having an extremely lonely freshman year, the only thing that kept me going was my high school girlfriend (who I am still with) who goes to school about an hour away from where I attend school.
I am now in my sophomore year and I am living by myself off campus and the loneliness is starting to get to me. I have tried to talking to my old roommate but every time I do he seems disinterested and almost like he doesn’t want to hang out with me. I have looked at some potential clubs to try and get involved in on campus but none of them really interest me and I am not at all interested in joining a fraternity. What should I do?
Join something you are not that interested in just to meet people. Don’t think about it. Just do it.
Hey, me too, dude!
Are you POSITIVE none of the clubs interest you? At that big of a school, you probably have a whole bunch of options available to you. My pop-46k school has over 800 clubs. What do you like to do?
For example, I like to read, so I joined book club; I joined a society for my major; and through that society I got involved with the local animal shelter because I like dogs. Do you want to learn something new? (The chess club was next to book club at my school’s involvement fair and they kept bugging me to join.) Do you want to play some low-pressure sport? (There are probably club/intramural/pick-up teams available.) Do you want to get involved in some sort of philanthropy? (The animal shelter is pretty much the highlight of my existence. I go to Penn State, so another popular choice is THON.)
Does your school have any places on the internet where they post about things happening on campus? Check for a Facebook page, a Twitter, an Instagram, a Reddit… Maybe they have concerts, or movies, or free food.
My advice, especially if you’re shy, is to do things that put you in regular contact with the same people. Preferably doing something together, so you have a built in topic of conversation if you need something to get you started.
Something I recommend a lot is to get a job where you would work with other students a lot (like the school library or dining hall). That’s a great way to meet people, and since schedules are usually the same throughout the semester, you usually see the same people every shift. I met a lot of my college friends through work and so did my roommate. Since you live off campus, this has the added benefit of keeping you on campus more so that you can meet more students. You’re not going to meet anyone if you just stay in your apartment off campus all the time.
You could also join a club or intramural team. Even if you aren’t particularly athletic, it’s a great way to meet people and get involved. I’m sure there are teams that would be willing to help bring you up to speed. I have a friend that got really involved in ultimate frisbee and found much of her friends in undergrad and grad school through that.
You could also try taking fun classes like rec classes that will help you meet people in a more low-key atmosphere than traditional academic classes. Even if you don’t meet a lot of new people or make lasting friendships, it’s a good way to get you out of your apartment and keep you doing things and talking to people. They also tend to be smaller classes so it’s easier to know the people in your class. I took a piano class in college and only had I think ~8 students in it. You can bet we all knew each other by the end of it.
And, also, just generally try to talk to people more–in your classes, around campus, at clubs/work/etc. It can be really hard, but it gets easier the more you do it. You never really know when you’re going to make a friend. I met the person that ended up being my roommate for three years randomly in an elevator. You never know.
I agree with this. There has to be things that are tolerable even if they aren’t super exciting. Also, it can be hard to just chat with people at a club meeting, so try to find groups that go out and do things. It might be easier for you to talk to the people your with if you are all spending time doing some common activity together.
Are there any clubs that focus mainly on volunteering? That’s something that’s pretty easy to do even if it’s not something you would normally do on your free time. It also has the benefit of letting you do something with other members, rather than just sitting around in a meeting trying to come up with things to say to other people. If you go on volunteering trips with other members, it might be easier to chat with people if you are stuck with them from an afternoon =D
Try to also look for clubs that do social events, as well. Clubs at my school would do dinners and activities like laser tag and bowling and such periodically throughout the year. That can be another way to get to know people with slightly less pressure than trying to strike up random conversations with people at a club meeting.
Also, if you can, see if you can get actively involved in a club–maybe helping to plan an event or something. That will also let you get more contact with the same people as you plan the event together.
And if you really need to be interested in the club, there has to be something that is mildly interesting at such a large school. What kinds of things to do you like? Or is there anything new that you would like to try? Maybe there’s a club that does that.
Find a hobby which could keep you busy. Don’t just sit around and wait for people to come to you. Sometimes you have to be eager enough to look for peers as well. It might actually help if you join organizations that you’re actually interested to. Or maybe help out an international student from your school, I don’t know it’s just a thought. You might actually find international students more friendly than people of the same nationality.
Get an on campus job
Join a service organization
Join a club
Form a study group
Join an intramural team
Talk to people in your classes