<p>Am I the only introvert who has this experience? I’ll be in a group of five or so, and there are a least of couple of extroverts who talk and talk and talk… When I try to get a word in edgewise, someone inevitably cuts me off, or I’m ignored. Drives me nuts, so I usually just don’t say anything in a group.</p>
<p>I consider myself an introvert, and I normally don’t like big parties either, but once, I had a great time at one where I didn’t know anyone (which was kind of freeing in a way) and I made an effort to connect with one person at a time. You know, really listen to what they were saying and try to find some common ground – something we were both interested in or could each talk about instead of it being one sided where one person tells you about their latest vacation and you smile and nod and can’t wait to get away. I think it takes real effort to find something you can connect on. And some times I look at someone and think “I have nothing in common with them” but if you toss out enough conversational tidbits, you’d be amazed at people’s experiences. </p>
<p>I haven’t been able to recreate that experience (mostly because most parties get really loud and my voice doesn’t carry unless I basically yell til I’m hoarse).</p>
<p>Getting back to what the OP described – I wonder if it isn’t being over-sensitive to what people say and how they say it. OP describes giving it back to them and they get mad. Maybe the other people aren’t really being all that mean. Maybe it’s a perception thing.</p>
<p>I took the Myers Briggs in college. Intp. I believe we’re rare.</p>
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<p>It’s the effort part that points to your being an introvert. It’s not that we "I"s can’t be social. It’s that it takes effort.</p>
<p>^^^^ Yes it almost feels like a performance sometimes. Acting out the part of a “social” person. Maybe that’s why it gets so tiring.</p>
<p>Exactly, simpkin.</p>
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<p>What you describe is people who have poor social skills, not people who are extroverted.</p>
<p>When I was in college, for the last two years I hung out with a group of about 6 people. Two of us were probably classifiable as extroverts, the rest were introverts. We tended to play a lot of word and trivia games at mealtimes, all of which were initiated by the Es, although the Is enjoyed them–once we initiated them. One day we decided to experiment: we went down to dinner, and the two of us initiated no conversation. The entire group sat in near silence for half an hour, until we couldn’t take it anymore and told them what we were doing. </p>
<p>It is my experience that if the extroverts don’t talk, the introverts will continue to wait until they have finished their internal processing to speak, even if that means the group sits in silence and no one contributes at all. I get really tired of some introverts claiming that they are somehow more “special” and more “sensitive” than everyone else, and acting as if the more outgoing have no feelings. It is important for people to remember that because some people are willing to put themselves out there does not mean that they are not taking an emotional risk in doing so.</p>
<p>IMNSHO, M-B is useful in helping people understand how other people process, and in designing group and personal interactions that work for a variety of people. It is NOT useful if it is used as a stick to beat people with. (Not directed at you, MaineLonghorn! 
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<p>According to Myers-Briggs, I am an ENTJ, but the NT is really strong and the E and J are borderline.</p>
<p>Maine, I used to struggle with that too… It all changed when I started telecommuting. Now when I attend meetings I am a virtual person who is dialed in remotely instead of being there physically in the room. Certain people always forget about you and continue to talk as if you aren’t there. I don’t think it’s done in a mean or rude way - people just aren’t used to meeting with virtual people. </p>
<p>It took a few months to get used to it but I learned that, no matter how rude it seems, you have to speak up and interrupt them to remind them that you are there. You also have to remind them to slow down and not all speak at once because it’s too much to keep up with. I try so hard to interject and get my thoughts placed in each meeting. Sometimes I will IM someone else who is louder then me and also dialed in and get them to interrupt and then I’ll piggy back off that. lol.</p>
<p>Now that I can do this in that situation I have no problem interjecting to other people as well. It may be a bad habit to get into but sometimes you have to in order to be heard.</p>
<p>You might also consider that what you think of as forcefully interjecting yourself into a conversation might be what other people consider normal: simply speaking up when you have something to say, rather than waiting to be called on, so to speak. :)</p>
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<p>That’s interesting – so for extroverts, finding common conversational ground comes easily with no effort? </p>
<p>On a different note, I find that the people who have lots to talk about (at least at the few parties I have gone to) are those who see each other at the same functions (golf, other cocktail parties, the same country club) so they have a lot of shared experiences. If you try and talk about something else, they often don’t have a wide range of subjects they can talk about. It’s fairly repetitive and narrow. This might be getting back to poor social skills (which is not an introvert/extrovert thing).</p>
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Not for me, but gaps in conversation feel awkward and I am much more comfortable saying <em>something</em> to keep the discussion moving.</p>
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<p>I find that if one is mannerly and takes a genuine interest in other people, it is usually not difficult to engage them in pleasant conversation.</p>
<p>“Common conversational ground”? Not always. Sometimes one is conversing pleasantly while inwardly deciding never to spend a moment with this person again. 
On the other hand, sometimes one finds a kindred spirit–or finds oneself on new ground and LEARNS something.</p>
<p>Hmmm, I was brainwashed by dh and son that indeed the INTJ’s are the “gifted” and the precious visioners that shake the world and blah blah …</p>
<p>On the other hand I am the humble ESFJ, the one born just to annoy he INTJ’s… Oh wait, I could be the ESFP, so yeah, I have <em>some</em> worth…</p>
<p>I have nothing personal against introversion itself. My daughters are both introverted but we relate very well and communicate fine. I also have a lot of other introverted friends that I crave their company and love to be with.</p>
<p>I think it is the INT combination that I find lethal…</p>
<p>I happen to like what INTJ’s offer 
but no one M-B type is “better” than the other. We just all have different strengths and weaknesses.</p>
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<p>Let’s take the example of a party where you don’t know anyone well. The extraverts that I know enter the room eagerly, seeing potential for fun. Not every moment is easy, but they find the situation energizing. </p>
<p>I know the words “energizing” and “draining” have been used a lot here, but there really is no better word for how these situations make me feel than “draining.” I dread them ahead of time, I endure them while I’m there, and I escape from them as soon as I politely can. I think I’ve gotten really good at hiding these feelings, but that pretty well sums up a social situation where I don’t know the people very, very well.</p>
<p>Yes. I can “turn it on” for periods – even long periods. I routinely lead workshops for 40-50 people where I need to be “on stage”, moving around, facilitating activities, and basically doing cartwheels to keep the energy levels high and sustained. I am not shy, but I am introverted. At the end of these days, I am drained, and I need to go back into my hotel room and just sit by myself. When clients invite me for dinner, I dread it. My business partner (also an I, though very theatrical) and I will sometimes sit at dinner in silence since we each need to spend time in our own heads. Typical frat-party situations did nothing for me at all; I don’t see the appeal. Grown-up cocktail parties, now that I can handle But introversion vs extroversion is not shy vs loud. It’s about where you get your energy from.</p>
<p>As an introvert, I could spend a day, week, whatever in another city by myself and not once be lonely. I have myself to keep me company. An extrovert would get lonely and miss the folks back home or want to strike up new conversations.</p>
<p>I should qualify the INFP remark - that was true for that particular program. It may not be the case in a different program. Certainly INFPs were a plurality and Ns were an overwhelming majority. I’m an INxP myself, with those three traits being very strong and T/F being split exactly 50-50 on every test I’ve taken in the last few years. Anyway, MBTI type isn’t everything. It’s a useful framework, that’s all. </p>
<p>That said, though - while I am definitely an I, I’m very conscious of my own need for human interaction. I often find myself seeking out friends to bounce ideas off or have discussions with. The key for me, though, is that these are close friends, and these conversations happen in a one-to-one or small group setting. Small talk is difficult for me but I can fake it. Large groups where I don’t know anyone, that’s the worst for me. Public speaking is fine as long as I don’t have to make small talk. Performing, funnily enough, is relatively comfortable, possibly because I don’t feel the pressure to “put on a show”. I think the trend here is that when the parameters of the interaction are clearly defined, I do fine. When it’s fluid, it stresses me out.</p>
<p>Strongly INTJ, and time for a couple of confessions. </p>
<p>My typical speech is hard to listen to. I hate being recorded - it makes me nervous. I speak slowly, mumble, stutter a bit, hem and haw. That is, until I have a few drinks in me. I’ve never done drugs, but I suspect that, in my case, I could probably benefit from something. In college, we got graded on taped presentations and the only way for me to do them satisfactorily was to do them slightly buzzed.</p>
<p>Also, I read “The Game” by Neil Strauss, not to become a pick-up artist but to follow the transformation of a fellow INTJ from socially awkward to a confident and engaging conversationalist. It did help me, but now I’m totally paranoid about sending my D away to college.</p>
<p>I am INFJ supposedly rare, no wonder I often feel like a square peg.</p>
<p>Another introvert who has learned to be extroverted here. When I was young, I used to hide in the closet when people I didn’t know would come over. As a teen, I had no problem interacting with my friends, but I had a lot of trouble conversing with people I didn’t know well … I always thought others were judging me harshly when I opened my mouth to say anything (so I usually didn’t). However, I have never had trouble presenting in front of a group. I can speak anywhere, anytime, in front of anyone - as long as I know what I am talking about, and I am not one to spout off if I don’t have a clue. I think that aspect of my personality has been helpful in allowing me to interact well as an adult with people I don’t know. But if it’s a social situation, it can be draining at times (although sometimes I am pleasantly surprised). I feel lucky, though, because I have family and friends who are introverted but less comfortable in a crowd than I. I feel for them, because I remember how difficult it was when I felt that way. </p>
<p>My brother is 52 and never married — he was beginning to feel very isolated, so he began to make himself go out and talk to people on a regular basis. He goes to McD’s for breakfast and chats with staff & customers. He goes to a neighborhood bar and chats with the regulars. He talks to cashiers and customers when he goes to the store. He says it has gotten easier for him, and it keeps him balanced.</p>