I am glad you got in to your dream school but there is no money to pay!

Unfortunately many students are left to hear this from a parent,

After spending hours writing your application essays and waiting anxiously for those acceptance letters, there’s only one thing left to do send in that check to your dream school. That is assuming that you have had “the money talk”. Talking about how you’re going to pay for college with your family is an important part of the college process that many high school students and parents overlook.

The biggest mistake is not talking about money before applications are due. Don’t give them false hope that of they just worked hard in high school, and gained admission, you will support them. Keep the expectations real and tell them before as to how much you are willing to pay, if they should look for loans if the scholarship doesn’t come through or if they should consider work study programs or they just stick to schools that give them money.
It is get caught up in the admissions process and fail to consider the financial impact that going to college will have on the family.
Having the money talk with your student is important so that you don’t waste time looking at colleges that have no shot of giving the money you’ll need. Why waste time and create a lot of stress and frustration by looking at schools, falling in love and then finding out there’s just no way it’s ever going to happen due to financial constraints? Talking to your student about your financial situation as early as possible can help prevent surprise or sadness later on. It would be very hard to convince a student who just got in to HYPSM to go to a state college because dad forgot to mention that there is no money to pay for it!

Both student and parent need to be on the same page early on in this process so that when the student begins looking at schools, they are only looking at schools that have a good shot at meeting their financial ability or the family criteria. One parent I know had told her DS early on that they would pay if he got in to their top choice school and no where else. So it was either #1 choice or state school. Other parents say you can go to school of your choice if get a certain amount of money. There are many ways to deal with it, but communicate your expectations well before those essays are written and decisions are in.
If you have set aside money in a college savings fund, you can compare this amount to the cost of attendance listed for each school on the Net price calculator on the college website and then get an idea of what schools are in your range financially.
Once you’ve talked to your children about your financial situation, college savings, the possibility of taking out loans and financial aid documents like the FAFSA, you should have a better idea about where you stand financially. As your acceptance letters begin to roll in and you move closer to a final college decision, you can have individual conversations about certain schools in terms of finances. Please do this early on so that you won’t have to disappoint them.

Agreed, and this is a good time for this conversation at home as there a number of new threads asking for advice whether a student has an appropriate list. Understanding the financial parameters is the first step in approaching the college search. As parents, most of us have been telling our kids “no” for years – no, you can’t get the latest iphone, no we are not going to Mexico for spring break, no you cannot get the latest fashion item. This is not the time to hold our breath as parents and hope it all works out. Be clear about financial expectations, what you can contribute, and build the list around those requirements. Run the Net Price Calculator on your in state flagship and other schools of interest. If a family cannot afford its Expected Family Contribution, then read through the threads here on automatic and competitive merit aid awards. Understand the limits on what a student can borrow so that students don’t blithely assume they can borrow the full cost of college themselves.

And pet peeve – it is important to understand the difference between terms like, “full ride” which generally suggests merit based awards, on the one hand, and financial aid on the other. For folks who may have read the NY Times article about the Texas teen admitted to 20 schools with a “full ride” – the Ivies and many others on his list offer financial aid only and do not give merit based awards. The description of him receiving a “full ride” makes it sound like merit – but at many of those schools, what it means is that his family’s EFC was close to $0. He sounds like a wonderful young man, with a bright future, but he did not get merit awards at his Ivy acceptances. And careless use of that language encourages the misconception that students can get “full ride” merit awards at those schools.