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<p>Thank you for reminding us that this isn’t just the families’ tragedy or the school’s tragedy. It affects everyone in Newtown and surrounding communities.</p>
<p>Be careful folks. A friend of ours who lives in Sandy Hook said that a false website using the family of one of the kids is asking for money because they are having problems. Its a scam. I can’t believe that there are people taking advantage of this situation.</p>
<p>Ok that is just wrong! What is wrong with people? Most of these families came from well to do areas and have lots of family and town support. The fact that someone would be so bold to think people would believe them is one thing! Putting it out there…horrible!</p>
<p>I just caught up to yesterday’s NYTIMES and read the remarks offered by Cardinal Dolan at the service for Anne Marie Murphy yesterday in Katonah. It really takes your breath away.
Everytime I see the faces of the children, it just breaks me up.</p>
<p>My congressperson is Caroline McCarthy who lost her husband to a mass shooting on the LIRR about 15-20 years ago. Her son was critically injured and to this day I believe does not have full mobility. She ran for Congress to address the issue of gun violence in our culture and continues to introduce legislation to deal with banning assault weapons, background checks, ammunition and so on. I believe that this tragedy is perhaps the line that needed to have been crossed to move on this issue and if so perhaps these 27 victims, including the shooter’s mother will not have been lost in vain.</p>
<p>Argargy, Your post is important and thought provoking.</p>
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<p>Yes, there was a phony website up under Noah Pozner’s name (the youngest victim, with a twin and two other siblings at home). Fortunately it was caught and the family has had it removed and redirected to the official site: </p>
<p><a href=“http://www.noahpozner.org%5B/url%5D”>www.noahpozner.org</a></p>
<p>Anderson Cooper sent a news crew to an address in the Bronx where they tracked down a woman named Nouel or Noel Alba, whose gmail address, Paypal etc. all matched up to the phony account. Bizarrely, she claims “enemies in the crafting community” and that she was “set up.” It is totally sick that the relatives have had to run around in the midst of this tragedy to deal with scam artists.</p>
<p>Did anyone get the Daily News yesterday? I usually pick up the Post, but it was sold out. There was a lengthy interview with the parents of Chase Kowalski (one of the children who was murdered at Sandy Hook). The mom said he appeared to her in a dream and told her to set up a foundation. </p>
<p>Buried in the article was the description of how parents of the dead children were directed to a room in the firehouse and told to wait. This is before anyone officially told them their kids were dead. They signed in; the sign in sheet had 20 names. They were asked what their kids were wearing that morning; they described their kids’ clothing. Then (according to a parent of a dead child in this Daily News article) Gov. Malloy showed up and said “I’m not answering any questions from the parents of the dead kids.” And that’s when they knew their kids were dead.</p>
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<p>That’s an awful way to find out. I know somebody who was related to one of the teachers killed and it took a really long time for her family to get any kind of official notification. They had been assuming the worst for hours because they couldn’t reach her.</p>
<p>That’s awful, Classof2015! I did read that the parents were never allowed to view their children’s bodies because they were in such bad shape. They had to identify them from pictures. In that awful situation, I would want to hold my child one last time. I am sick all over again about what those parents have been through.</p>
<p>I found the article online:</p>
<p><a href=“National News - New York Daily News”>National News - New York Daily News;
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Consider the source–it’s the Daily News, known for sensationalism over accuracy. I don’t believe for a minute that this is an accurate portrayal of what transpired, especially since no one else has mentioned it. I’m willing to give this poor woman a pass–I’m sure her account is a garbled impression of a phenomenally stressful afternoon and that her words weren’t adequately clarified by the reporter. If the governor did not take questions after making the horrific announcement (one that no one else was willing to make), it’s because he had no information to offer. Gah, I hate the tabloids!</p>
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You know, that was my first thought when I saw that the President was coming to the Newtown memorial service. If I were the parent of an innocent victim of gang crossfire, I’d wonder why my kid’s death didn’t merit that sort of attention.</p>
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<p>I had read a different description of this moment a few days ago, but honestly can’t bear to look back through all the articles to find it (I just tried, and couldn’t go on with it…). The description was in an article where they interviewed some first responders, and one was in the room with the parents in that room at the firehouse when the announcement was made that their children had been killed (after all other parents had taken their kids home, pictures and descriptions had been collected, etc). This responder described it as the most horrible outpouring of grief imaginable from those parents at the instant those words were spoken. He said he would never forget that as long as he lives. So… I actually don’t know if I believe the story above. I don’t remember the exact quote of what was said to the parents (he paraphrased it in the interview), but it was NOT anything like that description above. Also, given the intense media coverage of this, I can’t believe an insensitive comment like that would have passed for a week until it was reported.</p>
<p>“That’s awful, Classof2015! I did read that the parents were never allowed to view their children’s bodies because they were in such bad shape. They had to identify them from pictures. In that awful situation, I would want to hold my child one last time. I am sick all over again about what those parents have been through.”</p>
<p>I am sure that the parents got to view their children at the funeral home.</p>
<p>MommaJ – that would normally be my take on it too (sensationalism) but I re-read the article via the link kindly provided by NYMomof 2 and it’s a quote from Chase Kowalski’s father Stephen:</p>
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<p>I don’t think the News made up the father’s quote.</p>
<p>The scene at the firehouse was widely reported this way:</p>
<p>[Connecticut</a> Gov. Malloy’s ‘Brutal Week’ After Newtown Shooting - WSJ.com](<a href=“Connecticut Gov. Malloy's 'Brutal Week' After Newtown Shooting - WSJ”>Connecticut Gov. Malloy's 'Brutal Week' After Newtown Shooting - WSJ)</p>
<p>Not much better, IMO.</p>
<p>On the one hand, if you believe the WSJ article, Gov. Malloy’s words in telling the parents the news were not the best possible choice. (I don’t find the Daily News reliable, on this or any other subject.) On the other hand, better for the parents to know than to have to wait and wait.</p>
<p>I think someone else, someone more expert in delivering such bad news, should have done it, but I don’t blame Gov. Malloy for that. If you had to make the choice-- to deliver such awful news yourself, or to let the parents wait around for another hour or hour and a half-- wouldn’t you do your best to tell them? If other people know my child is dead, I should know.</p>
<p>The WSJ report is a far cry from the Daily News article. And I’m not doubting the accuracy of the quote from Chase’s father–I’m sure that’s what he told the reporter–but I question how precise his recollection of a devastatingly emotional moment might be and whether he realized the reporter was looking for Malloy’s exact words rather than the father’s general impression of the moment. I think a more reputable news organization would have sought out confirmation of how the announcement was made from the many other people on the scene before publishing that quote. But that wouldn’t have sold as many papers.</p>
<p>This was an extraordinary circumstance for which no one was prepared. While there may have been some ideal method of giving the families the horrible news, I don’t fault anyone for not having figured out how to best deal with 20 plus families in the throes of rising terror and hysteria. I don’t think the police academies or seminaries teach that.</p>
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<p>There is so much gun death, and we are so used to it, that unfortunately it takes this kind of massacre for us to notice. </p>
<p>I was not impressed with Gov. Malloy’s performance this week. It seemed to me that he took every possible opportunity to insert himself in the story. Why on God’s green earth was he at the scene of the shooting in the first place? With all the crowds and chaos and panic, the last thing authorities needed was a preening governor and his entourage. It would have been far, far better if he’d let the professionals handle the death notifications. And yes, law enforcement and clergy ARE trained to do this. They’d certainly never had to do it on this scale before, but I feel certain that their approach would have been one of sensitivity and compassion.</p>
<p>LasMa: I disagree. We are a very small state – from Hartford, the capital, you can be anywhere in the state in an hour. Ninety minutes max. </p>
<p>My impression was that our elected officials at the scene were able to gather information and pass it on to the people that needed information more effectively than anyone else. </p>
<p>With a normal protocol of not confirming a death until positive identification was made – these poor parents would have waited at least until midnight for notification. Apparently there may have been officials pushing for delaying the announcement and Malloy disagreed, knowing the truth.</p>
<p>As I understand this, Malloy was informed that there were no living children left in the school. He felt, compassionately, that the parents needed to know. What I have heard is more along the lines of – we have no more children to reunite with their parents. </p>
<p>The horrific rumor that we heard all afternoon was that an entire classroom of children was missing. Which was essentially true. Nearly one entire classroom and a large group of another. All first graders.</p>
<p>cnp55, I agree with you. There was no elegant way for anyone to deliver the bad news. Malloy did what he needed to do. Someone needed to do it, and he’s the governor. So he did what might have been the hardest job that day.</p>
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<p>^This.</p>
<p>I have been through this process with my family (losing a sibling and being notified by authorities). My parents got an unexpected phone call from a county coronor 5 states away notifying them. There is NO good way for this news to be delivered. I don’t hear anything “wrong” with his wording (except the message he had to deliver :(). I think the governor did the hardest job there was that day as a responder with the exception of those who had to go into the building and see the kids/take care of the crime scene. I can’t imagine that the parents should have waited around for a psychiatrist to come and tell them or something. The police may be trained to do it, but they WEREN’T doing it.</p>
<p>I also disagree about the governor being on the scene (by the way, although I am very active in politics in my part of the country, I never heard the guy’s name before this week and don’t even know what party he is from, so that does not color my thinking). I would expect our governor to be there ASAP. His “entourage” is usually just a few people (a couple of state police who drive him around, maybe an aid or two). He surely would have been criticized if he had stayed away, too. I actually think the guy showed some leadership that was needed in the chaos.</p>