<p>“This has haunted me. Apparently, most, if not all, did not get to view the bodies. I heard a radio interview with the father of one of the teachers and he said that the families were told they could not see them. The destruction of the bodies was such that no one should have had to view the horrific damage.”</p>
<p>This doesn’t make any sense at all. Once the body is released from scene of the crime and at the funeral home - I’m positive they could see the bodies.</p>
<p>I heard one family of a little girl asked why they didn’t view their daughter’s body. Overlooking the fact that that was an insensitive question, the mother said they wanted to remember their daughter as the beautiful girl that she was…they had plenty of pictures to remember her by. I got the sense the journalist wanted the parents to say they were told not to view the body, but this mother didn’t fall into the trap.</p>
<p>DocT, perhaps some families were permitted to see their loved one, because, by some stroke of luck, the body was “viewable”. </p>
<p>I also feel for the first responders and police officers who will have to live with what they saw for the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>The funeral home can almost always make it possible for the family to view the body, and I think I heard they were able to do so eventually for pretty much all of these familes. There is an op ed piece I read today saying that if one or more families would release a photo (crime scene photo) of their child’s body, it might bring the true cost of this type of violence home to more people. The op ed writer said they recoil at the thought… but isn’t that the point? We see funerals with smiling pictures of the children, teddy bears, and grieving family members. But they were making the point that these photos would make people really look at the cost and pain.</p>
<p>"DocT, perhaps some families were permitted to see their loved one, because, by some stroke of luck, the body was “viewable”. "</p>
<p>This cannot possibly be the case except at the crime scene. There are no laws stopping people from seeing their dead children afterwards. If they were not allowed, I’m sure it would be a lawsuit.</p>
<p>Not every family chooses to see the body. When my sibling died, we all found it just unbearable to do so… I think my brother may have gone to the funeral home to look, but the rest of us just could not. We had a closed casket funeral. The funeral director seemed disappointed that we had not all traipsed down to view his body and also that we chose a closed casket for the visitation and the funeral; he seemed to take a lot of pride in the fact that, as he said “you wouldn’t even be able to tell” that he had died of a gunshot wound to the head.</p>
<p>Agree with DocT that there are no laws, and a funeral home will allow viewing by the immediate family if requested. I do think they would warn a family if they thought it was not a good idea, though (if the funeral home had not been able to “hide” the damage). But a family may not be able to bear seeing a dead body as their last memory of a child regardless. I can certainly understand that.</p>
<p>Okay… don’t want to talk about this part of this any more… :(</p>
<p>OMG, intparent, I am so sorry. This must be so hard to talk about…</p>
<p>(((HUGS))) to you intparent.</p>
<p>intparent: I can understand what you’re saying. When my son died 6 months ago, the funeral director warned us that he had “darkened” quite a bit and said that it was up to us whether or not to have an open casket. He said that he would do the best he could to make our son look good. In the end, the casket was open.</p>
<p>I think (don’t know because I haven’t gone through this) that it would be hard for me to believe that my child had died unless I viewed the body. I think I might always wonder if there was any chance that she had run from the building or that maybe she was only wounded and they had made a mistake. I think I might need that for closure. I’m not sure.</p>
<p>It was a long time ago… and while it was pretty awful, not as awful as what has happened at Sandy Hook. Just can’t imagine for those families… thinking of them with Christmas coming in a couple of days.</p>
<p>Intparent and DocT, I’m so very sorry for the losses you have suffered through.</p>
<p>OMG, DocT. You lost a child recently too? How painful this whole experience must be for you. So sorry.</p>
<p>(((HUGS))) to you DocT.</p>
<p>You will be a big support to your coworker. You really do know what it feels like to lose a child. The rest of us can only imagine how horrible it is.</p>
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<p>I am guessing that it was more an issue of the authorities strongly suggesting that the families not view their loved ones’ bodies. From what the father of the teacher who I heard interviewed said, without getting too graphic, every body apparently had suffered multiple gunshots, and some were not recognizable. Part of the identification process was determining what their loved ones were wearing that day.</p>
<p>DocT, I’m very sorry for your loss. I know how awful it is to lose a child.</p>
<p>I heard that, too, but I think it was just that they did not want the parents to come into the crime scene and wanted to let the coroner and funeral parlor do their bit before the parents could see them. I don’t think these ideas are in conflict (that they suggest the families not view their loved ones right away, but that they would be able to later).</p>
<p>intparent, I am so sorry that you lost a sibling to violence. </p>
<p>DocT, I didn’t know that you’d lost a child, and so recently. This tragedy must have hit you really hard, especially knowing a parent of a victim.</p>
<p>@intparent, our family went through the same experience as you did . I don’t recall who made the decision , but it was an open casket. This was 25 years ago.
I am so sorry to for you and DocT as well.</p>
<p>I agree that DocT will be a shoulder for your coworker.</p>
<p>DocT, I’m so sorry. I cannot imagine how this feels for you, the close connection to this horror, the nature of your loss, but I do know that you need to be kind to yourself and make sure that YOU have the support you need at this time.</p>
<p>Intparent, and everyone else, there really are no words.</p>
<p>One thing I have not seen mentioned and has nagged me, were there any children from that class out last Friday. At this time of year, there’s always 1 or 2 kids from a class out sick. I can’t imagine what you tell that child and what sort of emotional roller coaster his/her family is on.</p>
<p>DocT, I am so, so sorry for the loss of your child. How awful. 
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<p>intparent: I’m so sorry for the loss of your sibling. :(</p>
<p>nj2011: I believe in the one class (Lauren’s…the substitute teacher) every child but 1 died. They have not said if that child escaped the shooting (perhaps she was at the nurses office or in another part of the building) or if she was absent that day. Either way, can you imagine how awful this will be for her from now on?</p>