<p>Yeah, I’m certainly not surrounded by casual sex. Where does this stuff happen anyway? All the students would love to know… haha</p>
<p>Erica Jong had a MUCH better term for it (but not repeatable here).</p>
<p>Yes, I decided not to use it on such a family-oriented forum :)</p>
<p>Now I am sitting here wondering how her phrase got translated into French, which wouldn’t seem to accomodate (a) single-word compound neologisms, or (b) use of a verb as a noun all that well. It must have lost some of its, well, zip. (I realize that you probably read the book in English anyway.)</p>
<p>The most successful casual sex (i.e. doesn’t end in heartbreak or serious misunderstanding) happens in the context of some sort of non-romantic relationship. I’m thinking of one friend in particular who has a lot of casual sex when he’s not in a relationship. He and the girl talk openly about what the arrangement of their sexual relationship will be, and they agree that things will be kept strictly NSA (no strings attached) and that either of them can stop their sexual relationship immediately at any time if one of them finds him/herself getting into a “real” relationship. They also tend to keep pretty discrete. Casual sex is almost never truly casual; the difference is that there are no expectations in the arrangement/relationship beyond whatever the two people set. An actual relationship obviously entails many expectations for each partner. A “casual” sex relationship only requires the expectations that both partners agree to.</p>
<p>Of course, a lot of casual sexual encounters are not so successful because one person will end up wanting more, drama will arise between friends and their respective opinions, their ground rules weren’t followed or ever agreed upon, one partner was cheating on a SO, etc.</p>
<p>JHS, yes, I did read it in English. I was already on this side of the pond.</p>
<p>My literary introduction to American college students’ sexual mores was Philip Roth’s Good-bye Columbus.</p>
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<p>That sounds awfully similar to the legal definition of a contract, ha ha (expectations, meeting of the minds). But “contractual sex” carries some unintended negative connotations, no? ;-)</p>
<p>Nonetheless a very valid point, and well put. Expectations (and management thereof) are crucial in maintaining any successful relationship.</p>
<p>Thisoldman and Thisoldlady have been married for 30 years, and together a few years longer than that. </p>
<p>We recently took The Pledge.</p>
<p>Tikib, your daughter will find people whose social views are simpatico virtually anywhere. Finding a college where her views are even a bare majority is going to be a major problem and it might be helpful to re-frame the issue. The “problem” you pose is a simple transposition from some other common occurrences, such as occur with the non-drinker or (at many secular colleges) the religiously observant student. (This last applies to my D and she’s experienced no personal issues in dealing with a large group of students who are atheist, agnostic, neutral, or hostile to her religious outlook. I was in fact tickled when both an agnostic and a Jewish friend accompanied her on a retreat.)</p>
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<p>Perceived availability of dating and mating is a strong college selection factor for many (probably most) applicants. It reduces the interest in some engineering schools, women’s colleges and military academies, for example. If Pomona is a free love colony, advertisement of that would be a strong brand differential compared to its reputedly asexual peer schools, and might increase its application numbers and selectivity. Sexual selection, so to speak.</p>
<p>I don’t know, I think now people are actually overstating how popular “hooking up” is. I go to a pretty big school, one you’d probably expect stuff like that to happen at, and it does. And trust me, a lot of the guys wish it did happen more often, but a majority of people do not do the hook-up thing. Those that do do it often enough the “skew the balance,” but from my personal experience while it’s mostly tolerated it isn’t popular.</p>
<p>It’s pretty popular at my school. Out of the people I know from my dorm, classes, and other areas of life, almost all of them who are not in a committed relationship have or would be willing to “hook up.” Some do it more often than others, but it very much exists. Sometimes it’s in the context of a casual sex relationship and other times more like a one night stand.</p>
<p>Well, almost all the guys I know would be willing, it just doesn’t happen that often. Out of the girls I know I’d say about a quarter to a half have had casual sex or one night stands. Just an estimate though.</p>
<p>I was speaking mainly about girls, actually.</p>
<p>Interesting. Might have been nice to know back when I was single, haha.</p>
<p><a href=“http://media.www.dailytarheel.com/media/storage/paper885/news/2006/01/26/Features/Std-Testing.Marketed.To.College.Communities-1505385.shtml[/url]”>http://media.www.dailytarheel.com/media/storage/paper885/news/2006/01/26/Features/Std-Testing.Marketed.To.College.Communities-1505385.shtml</a></p>
<p>I would encourage anyone who had a concern to get tested.
[and to practice safe sex](<a href=“http://www.champnetwork.org/index.php?name=find-the-condoms”>http://www.champnetwork.org/index.php?name=find-the-condoms</a>)
Some things are not as contagious as you would think ( Im reminded of an old boyfriend who had moved to California and called to tell me that he had chlamydia & that I should get tested. So I did get tested- but then I got to call him up and tell him * I didn’t have it!* 
)</p>
<p>But then again, some things are more contagious. I used to give blood, after I got married, in gratitude for the many transfusions of platelets my daughter had , after she was born ( 7 transfusions altogether), however when my youngest was about 4, the blood bank notified me that I had Hepatitis B, and could no longer give blood.</p>
<p>I was a little suprised, as I don’t have any of the risk factors and no one else in my family has tested positive, but I was tested again, and my Dr tested me & I had been exposed to Hep B and had antibodies to it.
I never even knew I was sick!</p>
<p>BUt apparently HepB lives much longer on surfaces than HIV which is relatively fragile.</p>
<p>( and we did have oldest tested for HIV* when she was 6* as the time when she was receiving transfusions was before the blood supply was tested- she is negative thank goodness)</p>
<p>[a more general link for sex info](<a href=“Be a Sex-Ed Advocate - Teen Wire”>http://www.teenwire.com/infocus/2006/if-20060221p417-sexed.php</a>)</p>
<p>Yes, it’s great to get tested, but it’s also great to curb the behavior–indiscriminate sex–which leads to the spread of the diseases. I don’t think we act responsibly as adults toward teens and college-aged kids by avoiding this aspect of the problem.</p>
<p>Thanks for that link, rose.</p>
<p>I also don’t think we act responsibly by ignoring that we are all sexual beings and that school may be the last best place to get a large portion of our society accurate health information.</p>
<p>I have tried to raise my kids with the tools to make their own responsible well thought out decisions, and getting them the information to decide when/how/if, they want to be sexually active is part of that.</p>
<p>Teaching kids & young adults how to make decisions and anticipate logical consequences, is more helpful IMO, than just telling them no. If they decide they are not ready or not interested- that is great- but if they don’t know how to tell when they are ready- we aren’t doing them any favors by trying to make their decision for them.</p>
<p>[Preaching aint teaching](<a href=“http://www.rethinkingschools.org/sex/preach.shtml”>A Book About Hope - Rethinking Schools)</p>
<p>Casual sex- among college students who aren’t ready for a long term relationship also is not “indiscriminate” sex.</p>
<p>“It is pretty straightforward math: the more partners you have, the more likely it is that you will be exposed to an STD. Furthermore, people with multiple partners tend to choose partners with multiple partners, so each individual you are having sex with is probably more likely to have an infection than someone with whom you would choose to be monogamous.”</p>