<p>I have been feeling sorry for myself. I have been in pain for years from arthritis, but still could do most everything I wanted, within reason, but now I can’t walk six blocks.
It has become a major preoccupation, whenever I do anything I am thinking about how much it hurts, how hard it is, how I wish I could do more. Wah, wah, wah. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>But until a few years ago, when they moved to California and a more supportive community and a better school district, we had neighbors with two young boys. Typical boys, full of mischief and energy. Except the younger one was confined to a wheelchair. He had been born with spina bifida, and had been progressively losing mobility from birth. He has had many painful operations in an effort to maintain some function and reduce pain. He is super intelligent, really amazing and quite witty, for a six year old. I rarely heard him complain, which is unfathomable to me when I get whiny. I miss the whole family very much, but I am happy they found a community that has more resources, especially for the parents sake.
I have a lot to be thankful for, I just need more reminders.</p>
<p>I know I am not the only one who has been embarrassed by their own behavior. fess up!</p>
<p>Good timing on this thread! Thursday was my birthday and I held a major pity party for myself. Having numerous “friends” wish me a happy day when my husband was ignoring me made me sink deeper into self- centered pouting. Then I ran into a new acquaintance at the gym where I work out. My son didn’t send me a card ( he did finally call), but her son has ALS (Lou Gehrig’s–sorry about the spelling–Disease). Definitely puts things into perspective.</p>
<p>A dear friend of mine has ALS. Everytime I go to complain about anything, i think of her. unfortunately, we are all human and our discomfort is viewed through a subjective lens. </p>
<p>What really resonates for me is when I am with her and she wants to know how I am doing. We forget while we are chatting that she is sick and talk about mundane things like diets and exercise and things. Later I reflect on the things we talked about and feel badly that the subject of exercise even came up! She would give anything to be able to get up out of her wheel chair, let alone exercise. The thing is, though, that more than anything else, she wants to treated as any other friend and have normal conversations about everyday things. She hates when people tiptoe around subjects out of discomfort or sympathy.</p>
<p>EPTR, I have the opposite. I have a friend who went through treatment for breast cancer this year and she is very difficult for me to be around. When I ask how she is, the response always starts with something about considering she has a terminal disease… When we go out, there are always comments about prognosis, but not direct ones. I feel badly because I would like to be more supportive. I am very aware of what is going on and really struggle with the constant reminders. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, I also have a close friend whose 18-year-old dropped dead with no warning. I give her lots of time and am happy to do it, but it is a lot. </p>
<p>Another friend suffers with depression and another was recently diagnosed with leukemia.</p>
<p>Some days, I just feel like saying take a number.</p>
<p>H underwent an emergency colectomy in April. He was in the hospital for a month. His recovery has been long, tedious, and filled with bump after bump, complication after complication. Add to that the fact that H is (was) an active, proud man, and the underlying GI problems came out of the blue. He is so miserable.</p>
<p>I am embarassed (as EK puts it) because not only do I feel so badly for HIM, but I am so sad for MYSELF. I am impatient, worried, and afraid of what the future holds for us. We “emptied our nest” last September and had so many plans. When can we get on with our lives? What will the future hold? Why did this happen? I know I should be satisfied that H is here with me, he is alive…but I’m finding it hard not to want more, to want our “normal” life back.</p>
<p>What right do I have to whine and feel sorry for MYSELF, when he is in so much discomfort? Who am I to complain, when it’s not MY body that is going through hell?</p>
<p>MDMom: in my family (where my husband has had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma (now in remission) since 1999 and I had a bone cancer treated successfully five years ago), we call that “playing the cancer card.” The cancer card is pretty much a trump ;)</p>
<p>EK4: I’m sorry your arthritis is so bad. It must make it difficult for you to garden, too, and I know you enjoy that. Is there any possibility of knee/hip replacement? You can whine all you want AFTER you’ve made sure you’ve done everything possible to get back to a relatively normal life… </p>
<p>And JustAMom: I hope your husband heals soon. How hard for both of you. </p>
<p>All sympathy aside, we all have complaints–I think it’s important to remember that no one has a perfect life. Even Mitt Romney’s millions haven’t kept his wife’s MS away (although I expect the money makes it a lot easy to cope). I think it’s perfectly reasonable to spend some time every day wishing things were different–but (and I know this sounds terribly Pollyanna-ish), limit the time you spend wanting things to change and spend some time working toward what you want.</p>
<p>S2 has never been a “go getter” and in a lot of instances plain lazy. DH and I have been so exasperated with him over the years. To our great pride and joy, he graduated from college this spring( in four years) and is finishing up an internship (unpaid) next week. What’s next? Who knows? He’s not bothered to apply for a single “real” job so will be coming home to live with us. To make it worse, he’s decided he’s not the least but interested in pursuing a job related to his major. I’ve been so annoyed with him for not taking this all more seriously. </p>
<p>Then a month ago, one of S2’s h.s. best friends who was also his college roommate for two years, was killed in senseless tragic accident.<br>
I’m so embarassed that I’ve been so worried/annoyed/aggravated with S2 when I know his friend’s family would give anything to have their S coming back home to live while job hunting.</p>
<p>Emeraldkitty-- (((Hugs)))) Pain is hard to live with… I also have a chronic pain condition… also don’t want to whine, want to see and be grateful for all my blessings… some days I manage to do that; other days, I get quietly cranky. No words or wisdom here… just wanting to acknowledge all of our humanity. Thanks for this thread@</p>
<p>This is sadly well timed here. As Packmom says, it’s hard not to fret and whine about one’s kids not getting ahead like they should (my second never graduated.) But this morning my D called to say that a friend had died suddenly–a young man on the Obama campaign (it was in the news today.) Hard to fret about this and that, and then imagine what his family is going through.</p>
<p>emerald, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You have a serious issue and I can’t even imagine living with continuous pain. It is most of us who should be embarrassed obsessing with the trivial issues that we worry about.</p>
<p>Do you feel like you are getting the best possible treatment from your doctor? I hope he or she is not like the ones I generally end up getting, that blow off most everything I say! Are they giving you the latest in pain relief, supplements, exercise, everything possible that could help you? I just hate that you are suffering, and hope that there is something medically that can be done to improve your life.</p>
<p>Another arthritis sufferer here. Chronic pain can suck the joy out of life and you are well entitled to the occasional whine. Good for you for trying to keep some perspective.</p>
<p>I’m often bitter about the fact that my dad has do many health, mental, personality, and financial problems because of a car accident. I’m going to a wedding in a few months and my friend is being walked down the aisle by her brother because both parents passed away in high school. Even though I’ve helped take care of my parents since I was in middle school, at least I still have them.</p>
<p>When I feel bad about anything in my life, I think about the residents at the dv shelter. I’m 21 and many are my age or younger. Many had been here with THEIR moms and the cycle has continued. They’re here because they really have no where else to go. We’re a last chance emergency shelter for survivors. Between that and my boyfriend’s job at a respite house, all of our problems seem so trivial. </p>
<p>One more: as much as I hate insurance companies, at least I have insurance and access to health care. At least I don’t live in a state or country which would try to deny me medicine because of religious beliefs.</p>
<p>Just because someone else has problems worse than yours does not mean that your problems are insignificant. </p>
<p>I think you should whine plenty – starting with a conversation with your doctor. Is there anything you could be doing differently that might help? Different meds? Physical therapy? Nonpharmacological therapies that may help with pain control? Are you a candidate for joint replacement? Could you expand your life a bit by buying some adaptive equipment? Maybe a wheelchair or scooter? Using a wheelchair for longer distances is not the same as being confined to one; it increases your freedom rather than decreasing it. </p>
<p>I don’t see why you should be embarrassed about wanting the best possible quality of life. That’s what the kid with spina bifida wants, too, and it’s what his parents want for him. The two of you just happen to have different problems.</p>
<p>I have “joint laxity” ( double jointed), which has made my knees always a little unstable and achy. I’d been going to a rheumatologist cause I have fibromyalgia and osteoporosis, but she had me on pain meds that I didn’t like. ( I would go to sleep ok, but then dizzy when I got up in the middle of the night.
I had a referral to a PT for my shoulder, ( I also need a new thumb joint), and when my shoulder was fixed I started going to her for my knee. I didn’t like the osteo for my shoulder so my naturopath gave me a referral to someone she said wouldn’t do surgery unless absolutely necessary.( he also used to be the osteopedic doc for the Seattle sports teams) I’ve only seen him twice, once to get the referral for the MRI and once to read it. So I am going back next week for an injection of lubricating fluid that might help. I’m hoping I could be a candidate to regrow cartilage. Im “only 54”, and he likes to wait as long as possible before knee replacement incase techniques improve I guess.
Both my mother & grandmother had knee replacements ( they were also both double jointed), but my grandma was 75 & my mother was 65 .</p>
<p>I have been using a neoprene brace and a cane, but
want to get an unloader brace. I remember Ds soccer coach wore one and
he was on two soccer teams!</p>
<p>Now i am really embarrassed.
Although landscaping, especially all the digging on restoration sites, has probably accelerated my arthritis, I still have been working in my yard, there is so much to do before winter! :o Saturday I worked for about 7 hrs, although I felt very virtuous because I took breaks and drank water.
Sunday my youngest daughter was bringing her new boyfriend to meet us so I wanted to be well rested. I put my knee up & iced it all morning, didn’t work in the yard at all. ( well I trimmed a low boxwood hedge, but I sat on a stool.) They wanted to go to our neighborhood summer festival, so I decided I would try and walk it since I could always take the bus if my leg quit. I walked there and back, ( with sitting down for lunch in the middle), altogether about 2.5 miles. My leg feels much better this morning than it usually does. I think I must underestimate how much twisting and turning I do when working in the yard. ( I am moving some plants away from the house while H is painting, and building a raised bed)</p>
<p>Time to work with my PT again I think, so she can teach me what * NOT* to do!</p>
<p>Hey, you don’t have to pay me a penny, and I can tell just reading your post what not to do.</p>
<p>Don’t garden!!
Seriously, though. If it is impacting your ability to walk so much, how about just getting it set up so it needs little care, just enough to not embarrass your family in front of the neighbors. Only doing light work on it that doesn’t strain you, and if you have to, hiring someone or coercing your family to do the rest of it. Even if you love it (or feel burdened by it), this may be something to let go, to keep your mobility at its best.</p>
<p>Busdriver- well I was trying to set the yard up so that when " I got old" it would be low maintenance. I took out all the grass( except for what is in the first portion of our driveway)’ and planted a kitchen garden and mostly native plants that will eventually I hope only need minimal care. Eventually. If I leave them in place long enough.</p>
<p>Last summer I had some sweet kids helping me in the yard, and this year I could have really have used them ( last year I was mostly doing it to help their wheelchair bound grandmother who was caring for them, plus cause they were good company), but they’ve moved away.</p>
<p>We do have someone that we’ve hired occasionally and he is great, but hiring him would force me to think about what I want done and not change my mind in the middle!
Great idea!</p>
I think I must underestimate how much twisting and turning I do when working in the yard. ( I am moving some plants away from the house while H is painting, and building a raised bed)</p>