I am so mad at son's high school assistant principal

Parents Forum
1

<p>S is applying to a college with rolling admission. S sent email to assistant principal this summer asking him if he would do his SSR/recommendation. Assistant principal said he would be happy to. The school has a process that students much fill out a packet which include all kind of info, then do an interview before the they would do the SSR.</p>

<p>Here is what happended
9/14 S turned in packet to admin.
9/23 S checked with assistant principal. He said too busy. He will setup interview next week.
9/30 S checked again and got interview setup for the next day.
10/1 S did interview with assistant principal.
10/5 S sent assistant principal email with a couple interesting links regarding projects he worked on that were discussed during the interview. And stated that college web site shows his app is all ready only waiting for SSR.
10/9 S checked again and came home very upset. S told us what assistant principal said which basically told S that he is checking too much, the more he checks, the worse it will be, S needs to trust that it will be done, blah, blah, blah</p>

<p>S turned in packet to a teacher for a recommendation and she sent hers out in 2 weeks. It has been almost a month since S turn in his packet to assistant principal. Is it unreasonable to expect it to be done? Is it too much to check once a week?</p>

2

<p>My son had the same history teacher for two years, that’s four semesters, all honors. The last semester he got a 100 in the course. He asked for a letter of recommendation in June and the teacher has been putting it off and putting it off. So he had to ask another teacher to do it today.</p>

<p>I think it has something to do with teacher pensions not being high enough.</p>

3

<p>Get another rec from someone else. Don’t say anything to the dallyer, just thank him. I think it has to do with the person, not the pension.</p>

4

<p>That has nothing to do with pensions and everything to do with character.</p>

5

<p>The problem is the SSR must be done by an administrator (counselor, assistant principal or principal). This assistant principal is in charge of all the counselors.</p>

<p>S is so upset that he is still in his room and won’t come out. He started in August, worked hard to write 4 essays, finished the app, teacher sent recommandation in. S now feels like hard work doesn’t always pay off, why bother.</p>

6

<p>does the asst principle KNOW the application is for a rolling admissions college? Does he understand that the sooner the app is in the better the chances of acceptance?[ if that is he case with this college] Is this college your son’s safety? If the answer is YES to all three questions, I suggest he find another who is willing to write the rec letter fast AND once that letter is written, you are well within your rights to talk to the principal about his asst, who appears to have a problem following through on time sensitive commitments he has made to students.</p>

<p>“The problem is the SSR must be done by an administrator (counselor, assistant principal or principal)”
then have him ask the counselor or principal for the SSR. he can then explain the reason, if asked, for the late request.</p>

7

<p>It may be time for YOU to step in. Call the guy, make some “I know you are terribly busy” noises, and explain that the college rep, website, whatever indicates that it is important that the packet be submitted early and that YOU are starting to worry. Ask him to help.</p>

<p>Sometimes, when our kids are ignored, we need to be a pleasant nuisance. If that doesn’t work in 3 days, escalate.</p>

8

<p>This situation is really unfair to your son. You’d think that these counselors/administrators would want to HELP their students. Instead, this guy seems to be on a power trip…</p>

9

<p>Not to excuse it, but once you do something 20 times, they don’t become urgent, eager-to-help tasks any more.</p>

10

<p>Your son did what he was expected to do and advocated for himself. Now it’s time for you to step in. I’d probably send an email to the effect of: “I know how crazy this time of year is for school administrator’s but Johnny told me that he’s talked to you on several occasions about his letter of recommendation and I’d like to follow up on it. I wanted to make sure you were aware that this school has rolling admissions and when they fill up, they stop taking students. We would appreciate if this letter could be completed by October 15th. Thank you.” </p>

<p>I mean, really. How the heck long will it take for this guy to just sit down and crank out the letter? </p>

<p>If it doesn’t get done? I’d call the principal. This really is unacceptable.</p>

11

<p>Thank you very much for the suggestions. It means so much to me now.</p>

<p>H and I have the weekend to think it over on how we want to approach this.</p>

<p>We just feel so bad for our son. All the values we have been teaching him is shot down by this guy who is supposed to be a role model. Working hard, trying your best, be proactive, be motivated, advocate for yourself…</p>

12

<p>What about going thru the GC? Surely she could explain the rolling admissions dilemma etc. and be helpful as middleman. This said, I don’t think there is anything to be gained from getting a rec from someone who might be feeling badgered or called out. Thing is, however, yes your son started this process some time ago, but technically the interview was just a little more than a week ago. Did you expect him to write a thoughtful recommendation in only a day or so (surely he has lots of other things on his agenda in addition)?</p>

<p>Now… you might not like my answer, but if your son knew about the packet of info and had asked for the interview during the summer, why didn’t he have his packet turned in on the first of September? </p>

<p>This said, I am going to suggest either your son going (first choice) or your calling the GC and ask her if she might give a slight prodding to the guy. You might also say that the rest of the application is complete, rolling admissions, this is only thing outstanding thing. But I think you have to give people at least two weeks to write a recommendation. Son asked for his in August and we had no expectation that things might be done until the end of October. And along that line… the GC can also call the school and explain the delay, if it would even be considered a delay quite yet.</p>

13

<p>I would be sitting outside the VP’s office at 7am on Monday. You can even be one of “those unreasonable” parents and the only impression that the VP will be left with is (1) I better get this done (2) wow, poor kid, now I know why he needed it so soon - psych parent. </p>

<p>But all semi-kidding aside I would step in and review the timetable with the VP and get some idea if there was some reason behind the delay. Or go back to my first idea…</p>

14

<p>Your son has done everything he can. The whole recommendation piece of the process is less than ideal - I don’t know why it isn’t more like the law school application process where the recommendations are posted to a central website. My sons each had a similar experience - their counselor kept encouraging them each to continue to follow up with the teacher, to the point where it became embarrassing. The teachers got the ED recommendations in but for whatever reason dragged their heels on submitting the same rec for the rolling applications even though the counselor kept assuring us and our son that the teacher “understood the importance of getting the rec in early for a rolling application”. To which I say: blah blah blah, the recommendation never showed up! For a place like Michigan, this is a real pain - the rec needs to be IN for the application to be complete. Neither my of my kids applications at Michigan were “complete” until after the early date due solely to the teachers recs. Both of my kids got into Wisconsin with no recommendation ever showing up. This is my one beef about the process at their high school - which otherwise is great.</p>

15

<p>In our school, we are told to allow a month for letters to be written. The interview was 10/1, a little more than a week ago.</p>

<p>Also, even for rolling admissions, this is still pretty early. Starting to work on this in the summer is commendable on your son’s part, but, in the assistant principal’s mind, the application began 9/14 probably. </p>

<p>We don’t know anything about your high school, how big, what the assistant principal does, but it is possible that your son’s application is not a first priority for good reason. That doesn’t excuse not doing it, but approaching him with some understanding of the stresses of his job might help.</p>

<p>I think it was a mistake to send the links to the projects, after the interview. That is just more work for the assistant principal, meaning something to find again in his e-mail and read, and might delay the recommendation. It is also a little pushy, unless it was asked for or discussed in the interview. It would have been more practical to bring the info to the interview rather than expect the ass’t. principal to delve deeper by reading the links.</p>

<p>The timeline of your son’s requests for interview and recommendations seem a little anxious and impatient to me, considering the relatively early date of all this, and the possible duties of the assistant principal. I would be concerned that this impatience has already made a negative impression or had a negative effect on the recommendation, to be honest. </p>

<p>If I were you, I would not get involved. That would be premature, and could cause further bad feelings, which would then affect the recommendation as well.</p>

<p>Your son has made it clear that this is for a rolling admission school, and should wait a couple of weeks. Then he could approach the guidance counselor for confidential advice, or go directly to the assistant principal, but with that “I know you are busy” kind of approach.</p>

<p>One of our daughter’s teachers got the letter in the day before the deadline (this was not, obviously, a rolling admissions school). To relieve anxiety, the only other thing I might suggest is (you or your son )calling the admissions department at the college, and explain the situation: that your son started early, and that the assistant principal is very busy and may take some time to do the recommendation (stay away from complaining about this, sound reasonable). Asks them if the packet can be sent in now, without the assistant principal’s recommendation, to get the ball rolling. Perhaps the application can be dated as received at that point (some schools do this).</p>

<p>Then, the pressure is off, and interactions with the assistant principal can be restored to a better tone, and perhaps that will help the quality of the recommendation.</p>

<p>This is a lesson we all learned at some point when we were young, that prepares us for life and work: often very flawed people have a lot of power over us and our lives. Or, perhaps the assistant principal is not so flawed but is, in fact, very busy, with budget disasters, or an accreditation process, or some drama in the school staff or student body.</p>

16

<p>I wouldn’t be as pushy here as many are suggesting. These things have a way of coming back to bite you. Colleges don’t hold it against the student if the school part is delayed. </p>

<p>I would sit /DS down and talk about ugly bureaucracies. I’d encourage him to avoid these in college if he can, but they are always there in life from the IRS to the town permit office–this is a frustration he’s likely to encounter often. And the little jerk at the desk has the power–I’d hesitate to **** off the guy who will, in his good time, write the rec.</p>

17

<p>

</p>

<p>Zing! LOL</p>

18

<p>I appreciate the many different points of views. Many of you have good questions and suggestions.</p>

<p>To clarify a few things, S is applying to a highly competitive program. They would not even look at apps that are not complete. Everything is submitted except for the SSR. In this case, there is no use talking to the college, they make their policy very clear, and students are penalized for delays since the app will not be reviewed.</p>

<p>S made the original request in the summer so it has been almost 3 months. The school has a whole process for the packet that S did his best to complete and there is no way he could have turned it in any earlier than he did due to no fault of his own. He wouldn’t even have gotten an interview if he didn’t went and ask.</p>

<p>We understand that everyone is busy. Students that go to a top high school, take a full load of AP/Honor classes, get straight As, get top score on tests, with lots of activities still must meet all their deadlines no matter how busy they are. We must all meet our deadlines at work no matter how busy we are.</p>

<p>We are upset about the SSR not being done. But we are most upset about what he said. An assistant principal that a 16 year old teenager always looked up to basically said that don’t be motivated, proactive, self-advocating and your hard work doesn’t mean much to me. Now go away, don’t bother me! Let me get it done when I get to it!</p>

19

<p>Last year my daughter asked a teacher for a recommendation. She’d had the teacher for 2 years of Speech & Debate, got nothing but A’s, was made a peer coach, won competitions, had a very happy, friendly relationship with the teacher.</p>

<p>The teacher said, yes, of course I’ll write a recommendation, just bring me the forms, when do you need it? In 4 weeks. No problem. So D took her the forms and also the usual resume of stuff for reference. Teacher took it and said thanks. Teacher asked D (no longer in her class) to come in and help out as a judge, D was happy to volunteer. Did so. All was great. Deadline passes, no letter. </p>

<p>Knowing that colleges are often somewhat flexible with deadlines for teacher recs, D does not panic, but assumes perhap the teacher just lost track of the fact that she’d promised to do it, or had gotten very busy with other things, or… something. She sends a polite email to the teacher saying that she got a message from the college (she had) that her application was missing the one rec letter, and if the teacher needed another copy of the forms or anything of that nature, D would be happy to bring those by.</p>

<p>Never received a response. After a week, D went to the classroom to see if she could catch the teacher – she was out for the day. D sent her a Facebook message because that had been their traditional way of communicating when D was in her class, and it was never answered even though she could see that the teacher had been on Facebook numerous times since she sent the message. Never heard a single thing. Ever.</p>

<p>In a mad dash D asked a local college professor she had had for a class. Told him she was in a terrible bind and would he be willing to write her a letter of rec right away. He said he’d be happy to, and he did, that afternoon. She got accepted and is away at college now, this one year later after all that.</p>

<p>She never did hear what the heck was the deal with that first teacher. We’ll probably never know.</p>

20

<p>You HAVE to step in. NEVER let anyone hurl your kid into unfortunate circumstances. Give the desk people an earful and be done with it.</p>