We live on the Tennessee, Mississippi border, and my son applied to the University of Mississippi as a safety school. He knew he would receive a full tuition because he has a 4.0 GPA and a 36 ACT and a 2350 SAT score, but he was not sure if he would receive a full ride. He did.
But here’s the thing: He will not even think about going. I try to tell him there is no point for me to pay 30K a year at the colleges he has received admission to (JHU, NYU, CMU, Northwestern) if he is just going to receive the same education at the University of Mississippi. He tells me that there average ACT score is a 24 and that he received a 28 in the 7th grade, meaning that the average University of Mississippi student is on the equivalence of his 6th grade skills. He tells me he does not want to be surrounded by Frats and Sororities and Conservatives. He tells me Ole Miss is no place for a Brown, Indian boy. He also tells me he does not want a repeat of his high school (he took all AP classes) where he does not feel any challenges or diversity and always feels like a minority.
Well, here’s the thing…
I do not want to pay 120K for 4 year. He tells me he will take out loans, but I can not do that to him. I know I sound very stingy, but I just want to save my money so I can send him to a good grad school, while he wants to be a big boy right now. So, is there anything I can do or is it better just to send him to his college of his choice. He is leaning towards either JHU or NYU. JHU because top notch school and self-motivated students and NYU because of the drastic change he will experience and all of the life skills it will teach him. He does not mind living on a divided campus like NYU, in fact, he prefers to be isolated and gives no care about community school involvement (probably why every IVY league he applied to rejected him)
What did you tell him when he was applying? It’s much easier to say you want to save the money for grad school if you said the final acceptance will depend on the financial aid packages. If the Univ. of Mississippi is so beneath him academically, I’m surprised he even applied. Did you run the Net Price Calculators on each college’s website to get an estimate of what they’d cost? It sounds like he applied to Ivies, several schools that are more expensive than you want, and a safety that he didn’t want. That’s a tough position to be in.
He can’t take out loans to pay for those schools. The most he can take out are the federal student loans (about $5500/year). Are there any (academic) matches on his acceptance list that are more affordable? With his stats, he could have gotten guaranteed merit at some schools. If he didn’t apply to any of them, he could always take a gap year and reapply to a new list of more affordable schools. (Don’t take college courses during a gap year or he could lose out on freshman grants). Check the threads pinned to the top of the financial aid page for schools with guaranteed merit. That’s probably a better option than forcing him to go to a school he hates.
What goals does he have? What majors is he considering? How do you know he will go to grad school? What type of grad school?
What can you afford?
I wouldn’t say that the education at Ole Miss would be exactly the same as the education at JHU/NYU/CMU/Northwestern (outside of maybe engineering, though even in a subject like CS, there would be major differences). Nor would I say that the opportunities are exactly the same either. Whether that is worth $120K is another question.
He didn’t try for the full-tuition scholarships at Emory/Tulane/UMiami/etc.?
I can pay up to 35K a year for his undergraduate years and 40K a year for his graduate year. I just would prefer not to and save the money. He wants to get a PhD or an MD. As for how do I know he will go to grad school, I just know he will unless he changes very dramatically. He is so interested in Science he self-studied Organic Chemistry and Cell Biology by himself, took a practice MCAT, and tells me he got a 36 before change. I do not make him do any of this, he does it by himself. I tell him to go outside and get friends and stop studying so much and he tells me his textbook is his best friend. My point is why would I pay 30K a year at an undergrad school when he can already get into a top medical/grad school just by how motivated he is.
No he did not try for any full-tuition scholarships, because he nor I did much research. He applied to colleges. I told him apply to 9 Max, he did, and that’s it. I believe he applied to Northeastern to get a full tuition, but he did not get it and instead got a 30K NMSF scholarship.
Yes, he’s right that the University of Mississippi doesn’t have that great of a reputation, but their Honors College? Top-notch. If he’s worried about the school’s reputation and student body, honors may be a good place to be.
Sounds like he handled the application process the way you asked him to. I think it is unfair of you to tell him now that you won’t pay for the private college if you did not tell him that before and you can afford to pay for it, which you stated you have. The way you describe your son, the state school does not sound like the best fit. It would be different if you couldn’t or wouldn’t pay for it, but to change the playing field after the fact strikes me as unfair.
Any half-decent science PhD program would be funded (so you wouldn’t have to pay). Med school is very expensive, though.
College isn’t HS, so he may very well be challenged by the science classes and research at Ole Miss. However, if he does get in to a funded PhD program (rather than go the med school route), he may hold it against you for forcing him to go some place he disliked when there wasn’t a reason to save the money for grad school.
To put that into perspective, if he actually got that score, he did better than all but 1.6% of people who took the MCAT. I find this incredibly hard to believe.
That’s crazy that you allowed him to apply to NYU and not knowing it’s very expensive private school. $30k will only pay half. I’m surprised he didn’t get any scholarship there.
Only let him go to state school if he wants to like MiamiDAP’s daughter but do not force him, he seems like a very bright kid, it could backfire. And I only think it makes sense if he wants to do premed.
Wow! Your son sounds really amazing!
I live in CA so my impressions of ole miss is purely impression only and may be biased. What percentage of the student body is Indian? The student body at the 4 colleges that you list would have a pretty substantial group of high achieving Indian kiddos and he probably would feel more comfortable there. He’ll be surprised to find himself in the middle of the pack, though. Otoh, If he is at the top of his class at ole miss, maybe he will stand out more for his apps? But might feel like an outcast?
If you told him that you would pay that much before he made his application list, then you should honor your promise. Do you really want to tell him that your promises are worth nothing?
If you did not tell him any price limits or constraints beforehand, but led him to believe that you would pay, then you just made yourself a problem.
The boy has some valid points. He will be able to tell a difference in his fellow students and you will never hear the end of it. It may also affect his ultimate success.
Tell him he has to pay you back half ($15k) of the difference every year after he graduates and see if he still wants it so much.
Personally, I can totally see where he is coming from( the last few sentences of your post) and I would pay to have him try an new experience for college. And let him pay for grad school
So, what I’m seeing here is, you didn’t know for certain that he would get a full ride anywhere and were expecting to have to shell out some significant cash for college, no matter which option was decided on. Now, Mississippi has offered him a full ride, so you see a good way to save your money, but he is not at all interested in it. My question is, what did you tell him about the money when he applied? Did you say, we will pay $X? Did you say, apply where you want, we’ll figure it out? What did you initially agree to paying?
As for him, he has got some serious entitlement issues. Any payment for college should be considered a gift, no matter what the size or at what college. One could probably argue that some programs are stronger at other colleges, but feeling he is above the students at Mississippi is rude, selfish, and insecure. The ACT score of a person tells you nothing of their personality, concerns, passions, or academic ability beyond the test. Likewise, every college is bound to have interesting and diverse people in it with strengths in many areas not measured on standardized tests. At more elite colleges, students are generally better academically overall and one of their talents (generally speaking) is being good at standardized tests. But standardized tests do should not define people’s entire merit. And trust me, I understand how frustrating that attitude can be - my sister was the same way. Harvard and Yale were the ONLY places someone of her capability (1600 SAT on the older scale) could be happy at, or so she believed. The ACT and 6th grade equivalency stuff is ludicrous.
Have there been other times throughout his childhood when you have said no to some challenge or opportunity? If so, how did he generally handle it? By accepting it and moving on? By trying to guilt-trip you (like he is doing now)? Think back. How he handled it then may be quite similar to how he handles this situation, except that the stakes are much higher now.