<p>I am a college student but wanted to get adult opinions on this…</p>
<p>I feel so sad for other people like this girl in my school who is being teased. I have become her friend but when she cries in front of me I feel sad but I can’t cry too. This happens when my family members are ill or sad (or even dying)…I can’t get emotional even if they are crying right in front of me.</p>
<p>I feel bad inside but am unable to show it other than with words or hugs. Is there something wrong with me? Anything I can do to change this?</p>
<p>Just curious, are you male or female? I am female, and when I was a teenager and young adult, I was a lot like you. Now that I am in my late 40s, I do cry much more easily (in fact, annoyingly so sometimes). Seems to me that it changed around the time I had children, so maybe it is hormonal.</p>
<p>Others gave you feedback, so I will just ask: do the people teasing your friend to the point of tears realize how hurt she is? Maybe it’s time for some adult “look here” talk with those who are inflicting pain on your friend…</p>
<p>Sometimes, not crying is a good thing. There are some settings – like in the business world – where tears are out of place. If you happen to be a person who naturally expresses emotion in other ways, you actually have an advantage in those settings.</p>
<p>Marian is right, sometimes the person who is not crying can be a calming influence, helping to set a perspective. Clearly you are not devoid of emotion, you just aren’t expressing it in the same way as others might be at the time. </p>
<p>Maybe there is something in your culture or family dynamic where people take a stoic approach to dealing with grief and other sad situations? If you’ve grown up with the idea that you should “keep a stiff upper lip” it’s difficult to just overcome that. It’s not necessarily a bad thing unless you are not working out issues and acting out your emotions in other (less constructive) ways.</p>
<p>Just hug them, you do not need to cry with them. Frankly, I did not allow my kids to cry and the same rule goes for grandkids. I told everybody that if they are crying that means that they are in extreme pain and I will take them to emergency. Crying does not solve anything, hug does. Human touch is powerful, more than words. Do not learn to cry, it is just a bad habit, learn to hug, you will help your friend.</p>
<p>I rarely cry myself and see that as just part of my makeup. My kids & hubby are similar. We FEEL, just don’t happen to be “gushers” of criers. I generally see it as a strength rather than a weakness. In any case, I don’t honestly feel I can change it any more than folks who cry can force themselves not to. We’re all different, which is why the world is such an interesting place.</p>
<p>I have rarely cried at funerals, even when I was close to & loved the deceased. I don’t cry at weddings, graduations, when my kids (whom I love dearly) fly to visit or leave, in fact I rarely ever cry. I have not found it to be a liability.</p>
<p>Sorry, I bet not everybody feels better after crying. I feel horrible, wasted, drained, I bet crying is taking lots of your precious energy out of you. I also feel like I wasted valuable time either for myself personally or missing helping others while crying. I am proud that my kids are not criers, do not have much control over grandkids.</p>
<p>Every person is unique. Some really feel renewed after a good cry–for happiness, sadness or whatever. Some are drained. Crying can be seen as more “authentic” or a sign of weakness, depending on the context and folks involved. I would not try to FORCE my kids not to cry, but have never modeled it.</p>
<p>I am able to control when and where I cry. I am the person you want to have around in an emergency: I stuff the emotion down and think and act. </p>
<p>But I promise you, should my son or husband die before I do, I will cry at some point.</p>
<p>I cried with relief and joy when my son was born.
I cried privately when my mother died way too young.
I will probably cry when I first hold my grandchild, should that ever happen.</p>
<p>I see nothing wrong with it. At the same time, I see nothing wrong with those who do not cry.</p>
<p>I am puzzled by the instinct to universalize one’s own experiences and then judge others accordingly.</p>
<p>I am puzzled by the instinct to universalize one’s own experiences and then judge others accordingly.
The only judging going on is that of people who try to control others expression as being inappropriate.</p>
<p>Not allowing a child to cry because they don’t get their way is understandable. Not allowing a child to cry when they are legitimately sad or hurt is stupid and damaging. If you want your kid to grow up with stunted emotions and anger-management issues, telling them they are not allowed to cry is a good start.</p>